Running with Motivation
by StainedRosePetal
Summary: After Emma and Kallie escape their past they head out to LA to start fresh. After they meet the boys of Big Time Rush, life becomes enjoyable. But fate is not always so kind and the girls must lean on their new friends when their past haunts them.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first story on FanFiction and I must say I am excited about it :) But please grant me some leverage, I am still learning how to use the site and all of its features. This chapter is just an introduction, so it will be much, much shorter than upcoming chapters. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I benefit nothing from this story other than my own enjoyment. No infringement intended.**

My entire life I've heard that running from something makes you weak; that by not facing it you are bowing down to it and letting it beat you. But, what if you're running for your life? What if you're running away from something that will surely destroy you? Then, in my opinion, it's called self preservation and survival.

The morbid inferno my sister and I were running from would be our ultimate demise. But, one day, an opening was presented to us and we took it. Now, my sister and I were running from death, and I prayed we would make it. Our past was dark and we wanted nothing more than to be free from it.

The red-eye flight we were taking was almost over and the sun was beginning to rise. The gentle hum of the engines had proved to be very relaxing. My sleeping sister sure must have thought so.

Suddenly the captain's voice came over the speakers, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching Los Angeles and will be descending soon. Please return your seats and tray tables to the upright position. Thank you for flying and have a great day."

My sister stirred in my lap and I gently woke her up.

"Kallie, our flight is landing and you need to sit up." I murmured into her blonde hair.

She groaned and I laughed.

"Sorry, sis, but even your lap doesn't hide the discomfort of mediocre plane seats." She said as she massaged her neck.

"At least you don't have to worry about your short legs cramping up. I _need _to stand soon or I don't think I ever will." I said to the ceiling.

"Well at least _you_ are not made fun of for being 5'3"." Jealousy permeated her voice.

"True, but you always kick my butt at limbo." We laughed.

My ears began to pop as the plane began to descend through the clouds. I was happy to have the window seat; I had never been on a plane before and the experience was exhilarating.

"Wow, look at that, Kallie." I whistled.

My 16 year old sister leaned over and took in the view of Los Angeles. Buildings stretched into the sky and, even though it was early morning, you could tell the city was alive. The sun had just risen over the horizon and everything was bathed in its soft morning light.

A sudden change in elevation caused my stomach to flip. I loved it.

LAX came into view as we continued our descent and then the tarmac became clear. We both faced forward as the plane made contact with the pavement. The sudden jarring motion pushed us forward in our seat as we sped forward.

Once the plane began taxiing to the terminal everyone's safety belts clicked open and people began gathering their stuff around them.

I pulled my bag out from under the seat in front of me and my sister did the same. I fished around for my compact mirror and opened it. I brushed my brunette hair until it fell into soft waves and then applied some basic makeup. When I was done I looked presentable, and not so tired even though I felt like I was about to collapse. I hadn't slept in over 24 hours.

My sister also did a quick touchup and looked, well, adorable…as always. Her blonde hair, like mine, fell in waves and her blue eyes were bright and alert. We both stood and began the slow paced walk to the front of the plane.

"How was your first flight, Miss Emma?" The Pilot asked.

"Wonderful, thank you so much for the smooth flight. Get some rest." I smiled.

"You, too, enjoy LA!" He responded cheerfully.

Once we were in the terminal my sister and I ran for the bathroom. We had been on the flight for the past 4 hours and desperately needed to use it.

We both freshened up and added perfume to cover the sweat smell of spending the entire night in a plane.

"I like flying, the view from the sky is incredible!" Kallie responded.

"Me too, and you missed most of it, sleepyhead. The stars were beautiful."

"Emma! You told me, no-you _promised - _me that you would sleep! You're going to collapse!" She stood on her tiptoes to try and match my 5'11" height.

"Kallie it's not like that was the first time I have stayed up all night. You know that."

I immediately regretted it. Sadness flashed both of our eyes.

"Emma please promise me you will sleep today." She said.

"I will, Kallie, I _swear_."

"Good. Now, who is picking us up?" Her bubbly tone added a genuine smile to my face as we left the bathroom arm in arm.

"Kelly said four boys from another band he manages were going to pick us up and show us around."

"Ooh, do you think there will be some eye candy in our future?" Kallie asked excitedly.

"We're having a boy band show us around town. I am willing to bet on it." I said with a wink.

We both silently walked a little faster to baggage claim.

**A/N: Well? How was it? Leave me a review and let me know! Constructive criticism is welcomed greatly, along with any feedback you might have. Thank you for reading!(:**

**~Rose**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: And, I present Chapter 2! I didn't post this in chapter 1 but please excuse any typos and gramatical errors. They aren't intentional, I promise! Please enjoy and I will see you at the bottom!(:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No Infringement intended.**

"Ok, how do we get to baggage claim?" Kallie asked while looking around.

I smiled, "We follow the signs," I pointed up, "See? It's just down those escalators over there."

"Yeah, yeah, you were always the smart one." She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Well _you're_ the reason we're here. You and your powerful voice." I smiled. If she hadn't gotten signed by Rocque Records…well, I didn't want to think about that.

I shook my head and we continued forward and down the escalators in front of us. We stood arm in arm and looked around at the large airport. People were rushing every which way to make their various flights.

Suddenly Kallie began sniffing. "Do you _smell_ that? It smells like…donuts." She said as if God himself had just given her the elixir of life.

I laughed out loud, "Ok, we haven't eaten in a long time. And, no, before you ask, I am not counting airline peanuts as food. When we get our bags and meet up with the boys we will stop and get you some donuts. Deal?"

"Emma you are the best freaking sister I have ever wanted to have!" She squealed and gave me an awkward hug that almost resulted in us falling down the escalator.

"Do you know what the name of their band is?" Kallie asked.

"Yeah, hold on a second…I wrote it down after I talked to Kelly." I groped around in my purse for my small notebook. "Ah! Here it is, ok they're called Big Time Rush."

"Ooh…I like that." Kallie's voice sounded as if it were coming from Cloud 9.

"You just like it because the name comes with boys. You flirt."

"Hey, hey now. Back up and rewind that. _I'm_ the flirt? You, Emma, do quite a bit of shameless flirting and attention seeking actions too you know." She laughed.

I smiled. "Ok, ok. That's why we're sisters, we go hand in hand."

We continued to banter back and forth as we rode down the escalator. Once we were at the bottom we stepped to the side and looked around.

"Do you see them?" Kallie asked, with her hand extended over her eyes as an explorer.

"How am I supposed to know what they look like?," I swatted her hand down, "You look ridiculous. But no I don't see them. Let's just find our luggage and if they're still not around we will call Kelly and see what's up. Sound like a plan?"

She nodded and we began walking to where the luggage from our flight was coming off. We watched the bags go around and around the luggage carousel.

Suddenly Kallie squealed and jumped while pointing to her fuchsia bag. "Success! Found it!" She cheered as she pulled her suitcase off. "And there's mine!" I approached my polka dotted suitcase and pulled it off.

Our bags were big, but were mostly empty. We were starting over, and that meant bring nothing from home. Besides, it's not like we had much to bring anyway.

"So…now what?" Kallie asked.

I pulled out my cell phone and checked the time. 6:40 a.m.

"Kelly said they would be here at 6:30. Maybe they're just late."

We both wheeled our bags over and sat down on a bench and waited. Although we really didn't know what we were waiting for.

"Emma?" I immediately turned to face my sister. Her tone of voice sounded like she was trying to hold back tears.

"Kallie what is it? What's wrong?" I asked.

She sighed, "They will find us. They always do. And if I become famous…my name will be out there and they will know where we are."

I stiffened. I knew this was going to come up eventually. I hugged my sister who was crying softly into my light blue shirt.

"Kallie. I talked briefly with Kelly about this-" I began, but she interrupted me.

"You _told_ someone about this? Emma!" She shouted. That was always our little rule, we _never_ told anyone about what was happening to us.

"Shh, Kallie she knows. And here's what were going to do. We are going to invent a stage name for you. We are going to change our physical appearance and they _will not find us._ I promise." I had done a lot of thinking about this and…we were just going to have to hide in plain sight.

"Emma…I'm just scared." She whispered.

I held her tighter. "I know, baby, I am too. But we're starting over. You and your sexy self and powerful voice will keep us safe. They will _never_ find us. I swear."

She smiled and wiped her eyes. "Ok. You're going to have to start wearing your contacts all the time now, you know." She elbowed me softly.

"Damn." I laughed, "I know. And were both going to have to cut our hair. Probably dye it. But we will be fine. I managed to get some money and we will get a whole new wardrobe." I mainly wore my glasses, but only because they were quick and easy.

Kallie had begun to straighten her makeup and, in no time, looked adorable again.

"How did you manage to get money?" She asked, her voice curious.

I sighed, "Well-" but a loud ruckus diverted my attention elsewhere.

"Excuse us! Sorry! Coming through! Wait, Carlos don't-" Suddenly there was a loud bang and someone shouted out, "Hey! Watch where you're going!"

There was a quick apology and then the sound of running became quite loud.

"What the…?" I asked.

Suddenly there were four extremely attractive boys standing a few feet to our right. They were breathing loudly and madly looking around.

"Gustavo is going to _kill_ us!" One of them said, "We are late! What do they look like?"

The tall one looked around, "Guys, let's just find out." Suddenly he placed his hands around his mouth and called out, "Emma and Kallie Hudson?"

Kallie and I looked at each other with panic in our eyes.

Then the rest of them began calling our names out.

I stood up quickly and ran over to them, "Yes! Yes we're here! For future reference, do _not_ call out our names like that. Please don't." Panic laced my voice as I talked to them.

Kallie had the same expression on her face and reiterated my message, "Please listen to her, don't call out our names again, please!" Kallie looked like she had tears in her eyes. She hated having her name called loudly. It reminded her of…

"Ok, ok we're sorry. And we are SO sorry we're late! Logan here refuses to drive the speed limit and there was a lot of traffic. I'm Kendall Knight, and we're happy to meet you guys!" He said with a smile, "And that is Logan Mitchell, Carlos Garcia, and pretty boy here is James Diamond." Each of them gave us a little wave and smiled when their name was called.

"I'm Emma, and this is Kallie. She's the one with the powerful voice who got us out here in the first place." I laughed.

Kallie, who had recovered from her brief panic attack, also smiled, "She's just the big sister who got me to go to the audition." After a brief moment of thought she smirked, "Yeah, it was all me." She laughed and then returned to the bench to get her bags.

I followed behind her, but suddenly James and Carlos rushed forward and grabbed them for us.

"We made you wait after a night on a red-eye. _We're_ going to be carrying these." James said to me.

I choked a little when he turned his eyes to me. They were a hazel color similar to mine and they were absolutely breath taking. His hair was immaculate and his smile could melt the polar ice caps.

"T-Thank you." I stuttered. He simply laughed and, before grabbing my suitcase, pulled me into a hug.

I melted. He smelled incredible and was –ahem- _very_ toned.

Carlos and Kallie were laughing away at something and Logan was calling someone letting them know we arrived.

I grabbed my purse and we all began walking to the door, except for Kallie, who stood stiff.

"Emma! You _promised_ me my donuts!" She crossed her arms and pouted.

"So I did, do any of you know a good donut shop around here?" I asked.

Carlos immediately spoke up, "Oh, there's a great one down the street from the Palm Woods! The donuts are incredibly yummy." He had a mile wide smile on his face.

"Can we stop there on the way? I apologize for the inconvenience. We haven't eaten in the past few hours." I asked.

"Oh, sure it's no problem. We're all hungry too." Kendall said.

I heard a moan of, "Mmm…donuts." Behind me and turned to see James smiling.

Then we were on our way out the door again. The bright sun hit me as we walked out of the airport and instantly moaned as I covered my eyes and looked down. I could hear Kallie do the same.

We were both sensitive to light and I was still suffering from a migraine that had begun yesterday and the flash of light began to bring it back.

I stopped in my tracks and winced as I waited for the pain to leave. Kallie was suddenly right next to me, running her hands down my arms.

"Emma? Do you want something for it?" She asked. We both suffered from migraines and we always cared for the other when we were hit by them.

I opened my eyes and I could see the boys were all walking up to me.

"Emma, what's wrong?" James asked as he bent down to look at me.

"We both suffer from migraines and Emma here hasn't slept in the past 24 hours. And I know the last time you slept was only for an hour or so. You _need_ to rest." She scolded.

"You can't do that, Emma, you need to sleep." Logan said quietly.

I looked up and nodded, the pain had started to fade.

"I'm okay, Kallie." I met her eyes for a minute and a shared thought flashed between us.

My eyes flashed: _I've been through worse, Kallie, we both know this. _

Kallie's eyes flashed:_ I know. But you can't do this forever. You will need to rest sometime. _

"Do you want to wear my hockey helmet? It makes me feel better." Carlos said as he handed his helmet to me.

I laughed, "Thanks, Carlos, but I will be fine." He shrugged and put it back on his head. James walked to my right and kept an eye on me.

"I have some pain medication in the van if you want to use it." Logan said with understanding eyes.

Even though I had some medication with me, I decided to take him up on his offer. "That would be nice, Logan, thank you." I smiled.

"After you eat something and rest you will feel much, much better." Kendall said.

"I know, we've just been through a…long week or so." My voice was quiet.

Suddenly Logan turned back to us, "Why don't you want us to say your names loudly?" He asked.

Kallie, who had been taking a drink of some water Carlos has offered her, choked on it and began to cough loudly.

"Um, just…personal reasons. Please don't. And don't mention our names to any friends of yours unless we meet them." My tone was serious and none of them questioned it. But they all looked worried.

"Ok, we won't. Now, let's get their bags in the trunk and head back." Kendall announced.

Kallie and I stopped in our tracks. Their van had the Rocque Records label plastered all over it. I laughed, "Nice van."

"Well, the car wouldn't hold everyone so…this was the alternative." Logan said. He sat in the driver's seat, Kendall rode shotgun, Carlos and Kallie sat on the seat behind them and James and I took the back.

"You can sit up if you want, James."

"No, it's fine. I want to sit with you. Besides there's better elbow room back here for me to brush my hair." He grinned.

"Is he serious?" I asked out.

Kendall responded, "You have _no_ idea." I turned back to James and gave him a questioning look.

"I have to do certain work to keep the title of 'handsome one'."

I laughed.

**A/N: So, this was my first chapter at writing the boys and I would really love some feedback on how I'm doing. I don't want anyone going out of character and if I am writing them in a bad way please please review with some advice. Thank you for reading and stay posted for chapter 3! **

**~Rose**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: *Happy Dance!* People like my story! Ahh, thank you guys so much! Special thanks and hugs to KendallSchmidt31 and Mikichan21 for reviewing! As always, forgive any typos and errors and enjoy! So, without further disruptions, I present Chapter 3! See you at the bottom(:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush (or the Indigo Girls song mentioned). No infringement intended.**

"Hey Logan? You mentioned pain killers earlier?" I called up.

I could see his dark, spiky hair turn down and to the right as he reached around.

"Yeah, sorry! Here they are. Do you need some water or anything?" He asked as the small bottle was passed back.

"I have some, but thank you." I pulled 2 pills out, popped them in my mouth and swallowed them. I sighed as I leaned my head back into the plush seat.

Suddenly Kallie turned around and looked at me. "Emma? Do you need something…_stronger_?" She asked quietly.

James raised an eyebrow at her words.

_Way to go, Kallie. They don't need to know about you stealing prescription medication._

"No I don't." I flashed her a stern look.

She sunk back into the seat mumbling an apology.

"Something stronger?" James gave me a questioning look. I could practically feel Kallie tense up in the seat in front of us.

_Crap._

"She just has a different brand that she thinks is better than all the rest. Kallie tends to favorite things." I added a gentle laugh for good measure.

And, on cue, she turned her head back around and grinned. "Hey, it's called buying brand name instead of generic."

"It's the same medication! Just cheaper."

"Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say, Emma." She snickered.

I leaned forward and smacked her over the head.

"Hey!" She shouted. Then she quickly looked around, made an assessment and spoke, "Kendall! She hit me!" Her voice was extra whiny.

I could see Kendall turn around and smile, "Yeah, those two-" A point at James and Carlos, "fight all the freaking time."

At the same time Carlos and James shot each other a look and said in sync, "He deserves it!"

"You constantly mess up my hair!" James shot at him.

"You try to steal my helmet!" Carlos shot back.

"Yeah, because you _always_ wear it!"

"Well, pretty boy, you _always_ fix your hair! Can't you go one day without blow drying, straightening, and mousse-ing it?"

"Big talk from someone who _steals_ my hair gel on a regular basis!"

"I do not!"

Then, through the seats, they began to fight. It was an awkward, but funny sight. Carlos turned to face us and he butted heads with James. I could hear various slaps and insults being thrown around.

And then, James seemed to come out on top; he had Carlos in a head lock.

"Well, let's just _see_ if any of _my_ hair products are in _your_ hair!" He shouted before running a hand through the Hispanic boy's hair.

Suddenly, James released Carlos, wiped his hand on the seat and had a look of anguish on his face.

"_You used my hair gel!"_

And then the fighting commenced again.

Kallie and I were laughing incredibly hard at the sight. Soon, however, I decided to intervene.

I pulled James off of Carlos and held him back.

_Hot damn this kid is toned…and soft…and yummy smelling….oh.._

I shook my head and pulled him into the seat next to me. I could see Kallie doing the same with Carlos.

"Hey, come on you're like twice his height, and we're in a car, and you're fighting over _hair gel_. Chill." I laughed as he began straightening his clothes.

_His soft, sexy clothes…_

I mentally slapped myself. I barely knew him!

_But would it be so bad if that changed?_

Carlos sheepishly looked over the seat. "White flag?" He said as he extended a hand. James raised an eyebrow and took it.

I pulled up my purse and ran through it, looking for my phone and lip balm. I laughed in victory as I retrieved both from the depths of my bag.

I checked my phone. 6:50 a.m.

My stomach rumbled. I _needed _something to eat.

"How long until we get to the Palm Woods?" I asked.

"About 15 minutes. Why? Was that growl I heard your stomach?" Kendall asked, laughing.

"Yes…" I mumbled.

"Hey, wasn't there a candy bar or something up there last time I checked?" James asked Logan and Kendall.

Kendall dug around before coming up with a pack of hard candy. Kallie practically leapt out of her seat when the candy crossed her field of vision.

Kendall tossed the bag to James who passed it to me.

"Here, Kallie, we'll split it." I took a handful and tossed the bag to her. I started sucking on a raspberry flavored piece and sighed.

"Here, James, do you want any?" I asked.

He silently took one before popping it into his mouth.

I felt a pang of jealousy towards the piece of candy. And then I blushed.

_I can't be thinking about these things…not now._

And, as if on cue, my phone rang.

Kallie immediately whipped her head to face me. "Emma, who could be calling you right now?" Her tone could have cut through steel.

I picked it up. "It's Aunt Emily."

Kallie's eyes went wide. She _hated_ Aunt Emily. And, quite honestly, I didn't blame her. Aunt Emily was incredibly stubborn and she hated us both.

She silently breathed, "Answer it. But keep it loud enough for me to hear."

I laid my hand on James' knee. "Can you switch seats with Kallie for a minute? Please?" I asked.

He looked at me with wide eyes but began to unbuckle his seatbelt. They switched seats and I positioned the phone between Kallie and myself.

Logan turned off the soft music that was playing up front and I laughed nervously when I noticed I had an audience. Carlos and James were peering at us and watching like hawks. Even Kendall had turned around.

I took a deep breath. "Aunt Emily?"

"I was just checking to see how your flight was." Her tone was mocking.

My phone was a little louder than I expected. Logan heard it clearly.

I quickly turned it down.

"We both know that's _not_ why you're calling. What do you want?"

"You're right _dear_. I am calling to know why the hell you took $5,000 from _my husband!_"

She shrieked the last part and Kallie shot me a panicked look.

"You stole $5,000 from Uncle Bill?" She mouthed at me.

"Aunt Emily, I did _not_ steal any amount of money from either of you. He _gave_ me it." I snapped.

She scoffed, "Oh, yeah right. He would _never_ give _either_ of you two _anything_!"

"Well he did. He gave me the money because he knew we had nothing. And if you will excuse me, I am not in a position to talk about this. Why don't you talk to your husband before you come to me. Goodbye." I shouted before ending the call.

Suddenly James and Carlos both looked at me and shouted, "You stole $5,000?"

Then Kendall and Logan shouted it. I quietly mumbled, "Shit."

I looked at all of them and spoke, "No. I did _not_ steal anything! Our Uncle just gave me some money before we came out here and my Aunt doesn't want to believe it. She doesn't like us."

"Emma? How did Aunt Emily know we had a flight?" Kallie asked quietly.

"Well, we couldn't just disappear. I told Uncle Bill that we were flying into Houston. He gave me the money and access to some other things. But apparently he didn't tell Aunt Emily about the second part." I grumbled.

"Why wouldn't she like you guys? You're nice and funny!" Carlos said.

_Thank God, they're not asking about the flight. _

I smiled, "Thanks. It's a long story. Kallie you can go sit with Carlos again if you want." She nodded and returned to her seat.

James came back and extended his arm out over the back of the seat. "Where are you guys from?"

"Atlanta."

"Nashville."

Kallie and I both shot each other a look.

"Nashville."

"Atlanta."

I cried out in frustration.

"Kallie!"

"Emma!"

We both sighed and she slapped her hand to her forehead.

"Um…." James began.

"We're from Atlanta." I said.

"Then why did Kallie say Nashville?" Logan asked.

I tried to cover the slip up. "We were born in Nashville and raised in Atlanta."

"Okay?" Kendall looked suspicious.

"So when are your parents coming in?" James asked.

I had prepared for this question. "I'm the legal guardian for both of us."

That just earned me confused looks. "I'm an emancipated minor who was granted custody of Kallie."

It was the truth after all.

"How old are you?" James asked.

"17. Kallie is 16."

And, before anymore questions were asked about out past, I changed the subject.

"So what's it like working for Gustavo?" That opened the flood gates.

"He's a perfectionist." Kendall responded.

"He's a turd!" Carlos cut in.

"He's so mean!" James said.

"He's a drill sergeant!" Logan called out.

"Um…he seemed really nice to us…" My voice was quiet.

"Yeah, he favors other groups over us. He calls us dogs. He hates me. He said I have no talent." James frowned.

The look on his face broke my heart.

"Hey, frowning gives you wrinkles and it doesn't suit you. Smile." I murmured while resting my hand on his cheek.

His hand grabbed mine and he broke out in a smile, "I know."

Our hands settled into his lap. I sure as hell wasn't complaining.

"Sing something." I requested.

"All of us? Or just James?" Carlos asked.

"All of you. You're a band, let's hear a song!" My voice rang out. Kallie clapped her hands in agreement.

Everyone brightened. "Sure! What song do you want to hear?" Kendall asked.

I drew a blank. We had never heard of them before.

"You guys pick."

James released my hand before leaning forward. They talked for a few minutes before settling on a song called 'Halfway There'.

They decided to start at the chorus.

"_We're halfway there, we're looking good now, nothings gonna get in the way. We're halfway there, and looking back now, I'd never thought that I'd ever say, we're halfway there. We're halfway there."_

"_When the chips are down, back against the wall, got no more to give, 'cause we gave it all. Seems like going a distance is unrealistic, but we're too far from the start!"_

"_So we take what comes and we keep on going, leaning on each other's shoulders. Then we turn around, and see we've come so far somehow"_

"_We're halfway there, we're looking good now, nothings gonna get in the way. We're halfway there, and looking back now, I'd never thought that I'd ever say, we're halfway there. We're halfway there."_

"_How you ever gonna reach the stars, if you never get off the ground? And you'll always be where you are, if you let life knock you down."_

"_We're halfway there, we're looking good now, nothings gonna get in the way. We're halfway there, and looking back now, I'd never thought that I'd ever say, we're halfway there. We're halfway there."_

My jaw was on the floor, and so was Kallie's.

"Oh my God, that was incredible! You guys are amazing! And Gustavo is _completely_ wrong by saying you have no talent, James." I squeezed his shoulder and gave him a smile.

He returned it.

"So can we hear Kallie sing something?" Carlos asked.

I laughed, "Oh sure! She loves to sing."

Kallie turned around and shot me a look. "Emma! I can't follow _that_!" She gestured around to everyone.

"Kallie you have a strong voice, sing 'Closer to Fine'. I know you love that song."

"Hmm…Ok. But you have to sing it too." She said.

I glared at her, "Um, excuse me?"

"Come on, Emma! You _always_ sing that song with me! Please?" Her puppy dog eyes were turned on high.

"Come on Emma!" James encouraged.

Then everyone was hollering for me to sing with Kallie.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Ok! Ok! Fine. But get your earplugs ready." I warned.

Kallie began, "_I'm trying to tell you something about my life. Maybe give me insight between black and white. The best thing you've ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously. It's only life after all." _Her voice rose towards the end and I could tell she had everyone's full attention, her voice was powerful; no one ever expected it to come out of her tiny body.

I took a deep breath and joined her voice, "_Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable. And lightness has a call that's hard to hear. I wrap my fear around me like a blanket. I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore."_

Our voices joined in harmony and I began to get more confident. We both belted the chorus.

"_I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains. I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain. There's more than one answer to these questions, pointing me in a crooked line. And the less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine."_

We cut it short and ended the song. Suddenly applause broke out among the three boys that weren't driving.

"Wow! You guys are amazing! Did Gustavo sign you both?" Kendall asked.

"No, he only signed Kallie."

"_Because_ he only heard me sing. If he heard you, maybe we both could do this!" She bounced in her seat excitedly.

I only got encouragement from the boys.

"Emma, your voice is incredible. So is yours Kallie. You could both do this. But Gustavo has to hear you." James said.

"Maybe you guys could do a song with us!" Carlos suggested.

Everyone seemed to mutually agree.

I laughed. Maybe it could work out that way. Maybe this could be great for both of us. Maybe. Just maybe.

**A/N: I want to hear your opinions! Good or bad, just hit the review button and let me know! Chapter 4 will probably be up later tonight or tomorrow morning. Also, if you have never heard of the Indigo Girls, they are a very talented duo and I referenced their song, 'Closer to Fine', in this chapter. If you haven't heard it I recommend you go check it out!(: Happy Thursday!**

**~Rose**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here is Chapter 4! I have mixed feelings about this chapter but I hope you all enjoy it! Thanks again to everyone favoriting and reviewing the story! Hugs and Cookies to all of you!(:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No infringement intended.**

"Ok, do you guys want to get breakfast first or check into the Palm Woods and then eat?" Logan asked as we stopped at a busy intersection.

I looked at Kallie. "Let's eat first, were starving! Then can you guys show us around?" I asked.

"Of course! We can start at the pool; it's _incredible_. Then we will probably have to get you to Rocque Records to meet up with Gustavo." James said.

We pulled into a little coffee and donut shop and piled out of the van. Kallie and I practically ran inside and up to the counter. The boys weren't that far behind either.

Kallie ordered first, "Hello, I will have 3 chocolate glazed donuts and a large coffee."

I was practically salivating over the yummy looking displays. "Good morning, can I get 1 regular glazed donut and 1 chocolate glazed donut and 1 large coffee?"

The bleach blonde looked at me and smiled, "Of course, your total will be $16.73."

I pulled out a twenty dollar bill as she began to gather up our order. After we walked over to a large table the boys began to order.

I choked on my donut when I heard the total.

"Yes, that will be $56.24." The cashier said. They all began digging into their wallets.

I took this opportunity to talk to Kallie.

"I swear to you, I didn't steal that money. Uncle Bill gave it to me along with access to a pretty large bank account."

"I know you didn't. But I hate that shrew. She's awful. And you're sure that they think we're in Houston?"

"Yes. Uncle Bill honestly thinks were in Houston. He said after we left that we didn't even need to talk to him but that the bank account will stay full and to contact him if we need anything."

"What about…_them_?"

"What about them? They have no clue where we are. Well, I know Uncle Bill won't tell but I can't make any promises about Aunt Emily saying anything. But even if she does she only knows what Uncle Bill knows. And I told him that even though we were flying into Houston we were going to go somewhere else."

Kallie suddenly looked at her long blonde waves in disgust. "I want this gone. I want to change my appearance."

I looked down at my own hair. "I know, Kallie. We will take care of that later on today and maybe we can go shopping tomorrow. It all depends on what Gustavo wants us to do."

I added some sugar to my coffee and downed half of it. The donuts were absolutely incredible, too.

Then the boys came up and began to pull up chairs around our table. "Did you guys really pay _that_ much for your food?" I asked.

"Mhmm!" Logan responded, his mouth full of food.

Carlos didn't even sound human, James was munching away and Kendall was checking his phone.

I sunk my teeth into the chocolate donut and moaned. "These donuts are _amazing!"_

Logan laughed, "Yeah, we discovered this place right after we moved in. We're hear on a daily basis it seems."

Kallie looked at Carlos, "Enjoying your food there, Carlos?" He suddenly looked up and had a deer in the headlights expression. The donut remains around his mouth made him look like a hunter who was enjoying its prey.

He simply nodded and returned to his eating. Everyone laughed.

I pulled out my purse and ran a brush through my hair to rid myself of tangles. My hair knots every few seconds it seems.

Kallie noticed, "Maybe short this time? Like to your chin short?" She was balancing her chin in her hands while she contemplated the situation.

I looked down and fingered the ends of my hair, "Maybe...I'm not sure yet. I'm probably going to go blonde though."

"What are you talking about?" James asked.

"My hair. I'm going to cut it and dye it but I'm not sure on style or color yet."

He looked at me the same way Kallie was. "Hmm, how about right below you chin, feathered around your face with layers and you could color it a rich auburn or go blonde with slightly darker highlights?"

My jaw dropped open. So did Kendall's and Logan's. My sister looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah, Emma that would look pretty good. I say blonde though." Kallie smiled.

"What? I know hair." James simply shrugged. I laughed before pulling out a mirror and considering his suggestion.

"Honestly, that sounds pretty good. What would you do with Kallie's?" I asked.

He contemplated a minute before announcing, "Shoulder length, layered, feathered below the chin, straight, heavy bangs and...as for the color? I would go light brown or a light reddish brown."

Now it was my turn to nod in approval. "You would look good with bangs. I think you should go for it."

She clapped her hands together and nodded, "Sure? Why not?"

I continued to brush through my hair before I frowned at a particulr knot. "Does anyone have a comb? Mine is packed in my suitcase."

James fished a small comb out of his back pocket, "Here. But _be careful_. Thats my lucky comb."

I smiled and proceeded to get the knot out. When I did I handed the comb back to James who briefly examined it before putting it back in his pocket.

Judging by the absence of farm sounds, Carlos must have been done eating. I looked over to see him smiling and mouthing something to Logan who, in turn, elbowed Kendall and whispered something. Then Carlos commited the sin of all sins and ran his hands through James' hair.

He messed it up and added his other hand. James shrieked and flipped Carlos over the chair. They began fighting and pretty much rolled out the door.

"Um...how bad was that?" Kallie asked.

"Hes screwed. James will kill him for it." Logan laughed

Kendall responded, "Lets go, Logan, before they take down any buildings in their path."

They ran out the door and Kallie and I proceeded to clean up the area. After throwing away the trash we walked outside and watched the event.

Logan was holding back Carlos and Kendall was holding back James. Carlos' hockey helmet was absent and James' hair looked like it had lost a fight eith a hair dryer.

It was _sexy._ I wanted to run my hands through it. I bit my lip and shook my head.

"Lets go help, Kallie. Find his helmet." She nodded and began to look around the parking lot.

I walked in between James and Carlos and laid a hand on their chests.

"Hey! Come on! Break it up. Chill guys. James you can fix your hair and Kallie is looking for your hockey helmet, Carlos."

Suddenly Kallie came up running with the helmet in her right hand. "Got it!" She handed it back to Carlos and the fighting stopped.

James began fixing his hair in his reflection in the car window. I walked up and handed him a mini can of hairspray.

"I hate it when people mess my hair up too." I laughed and smiled at him.

I looked through my purse for my phone, but I couldn't find it. "Hey I'm going back in the shop for a minute, I think I left my phone."

Suddenly James came up behind me, "Wait! I'll go with you, I want to check my hair in a real mirror."

I walked in and quickly found my phone on the floor. After a few minutes James came out of the bathroom looking...well...incredible. Not a hair was out of place. He handed me my can of hairspray back and gave me a quick hug.

"Thanks, Emma."

I smiled and when we came out Kallie was in the middle of arm wrestling Carlos…and appeared to be losing.

She caved and used two hands and Carlos still beat her.

"And the champ remains at the top!" He cheered while high-fiving everyone else.

I shot Kallie a confused look; she was incredibly strong and wouldn't lose like that. She winked at me before shooting a pout to the boys.

"He hurt my arm!" She whined. I laughed silently.

"Oh, I'm sorry Kallie, I didn't mean to!" Carlos apologized quickly.

"But it feels like I pulled something." She held up her arm and sniffled.

"Carlos, go buy her another donut or something!" Logan suggested.

He just nodded and ran inside. He came back out with a chocolate glazed covered donut with extra sprinkles. He handed it to her and she quickly took it, "Thank you Carlos, I forgive you."

When she was done with the donut I couldn't take it anymore. I burst out laughing like a hyena.

Kallie's eyes went wide and everyone else just stared at me.

"My sister is a better actress than I thought! I'm sorry Carlos, but she just cheated you out of a donut. She's incredibly strong and _never_ loses an arm wrestling competition." I kept laughing. My sister looked liked the cat that ate the canary.

"Um, can we go to the Palm Woods now?" My sister sheepishly asked as she started running to the van.

Carlos ran after her, "Hey wait!"

Logan and Kendall quickly followed suit, leaving me alone with Mr. Sex on-_ahem_-James.

"Are you guys really from Atlanta?" James questioned.

Of all the things I was expecting him to say, that was not one of them.

"Yes, we actually are. We're from a rural town outside of Atlanta that was way out in the sticks."

"What's that like?" He asked with wide eyes.

"Everyone knows everyone. It's a small town," I tried to think of something positive but sighed, "and I hated it. I hated every second we were there. But…let's not talk about that right now," I looked up at him, "Please."

"Ok, we won't. I promise. But, how did you guys get here?" His voice was cautious, as if entering dangerous territory.

"I heard about an open audition in Atlanta that Gustavo was holding and we went. He loved Kallie immediately and booked us a flight to come here. What about you guys?"

He laughed, "We're from Minnesota. We played hockey but, like with you, Gustavo was holding an audition and I went. I've always wanted this, but I absolutely blew the audition and Gustavo was a real jerk about it. Kendall got up and mocked him and we got thrown out. Then he came by Kendall's house later and offered to sign him. Kendall wouldn't go without us, but he eventually caved and here we are."

"Wow, that's quite a story. But at least here you can thaw out a little bit!" I chuckled.

He agreed and we began walking to the van where an argument between Carlos and Kallie was beginning to occur. An argument over a certain donut.

"Hey! Come on guys, let's just all head back to the Palm Woods." I was extremely tired and it showed through my voice. No one argued and we were on our way again.

Once the hotel came into view I let out a whistle. "_This_ is where we're staying? You've gotta be kidding me."

"Yep, this is it!" Kendall remarked.

I shook my head. Much better than the…place we were living in before.

Kallie seemed to be thinking the same.

We piled out of the van and, like at the airport, James and Carlos grabbed our bags. We walked into the lobby and I approached the desk. All of the boys seemed hesitant of the man behind the counter.

Kallie came up right beside me.

"I'm Emma Hudson and we were told that we were going to have a room here?" I tried to use my assertive voice. And it seemed to work well enough.

He flipped through some paperwork and found what he was looking for.

"Ah, ok here you go. You're staying in 4J…right next to _them_." He said pointing to the boys.

He handed me and Kallie a key before smiling, "Have a Palm Woods day!"

I turned around to take in the lobby. My mind was blown; this _cannot_ be where we're going to be living.

Suddenly a slim African American woman ran towards us while looking at her clipboard. "Finally! I've been looking for you guys! Gustavo needs Kendall and Carlos to go over solos in your next song. And he grumbled something about rehearsing harmonies." She looked to Logan and James, "You guys saw him yesterday so you're off the hook for today. And it is so nice to see you two again!" She came over to us and gave us each a hug.

"How was your flight?" She asked.

"For the first time every flying? It was incredible!" Kallie answered, her blonde waves bouncing as she moved.

"When do we need to go see Gustavo?" I asked.

"Not until noon and it's….7:15. Why don't you guys get situated and then Logan and James can show you around a little bit."

James and Logan both responded, "Sure!"

"Sounds like a plan! It's nice to see you again Kelly, we will be up at Rocque Records at noon." I said.

"Ok! Come on guys, the sooner you get in the sooner you get out." She said to Carlos and Kendall who looked like they were sentenced to 5 years in prison.

"Bye guys! See you later!" Carlos waved.

We waved back, "Bye Carlos, bye Kendall!"

Then Kelly started shooing them out the door.

"Ok, guys, take us to our room!" The thought of sleep was incredibly appealing right now, but if I did I wouldn't be conscious until noon tomorrow.

Logan and James led us to the elevators and we hopped on and began to go up.

"How are the rooms here?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Uh…well ours was terrible but long story short we got it remodeled." James said with a smile on his face.

I could practically hear Katie swallow, "Great."

"But yours may not be so bad!" Logan's voice was full of optimism while he gave us a thumbs up.

We walked out of the elevator and out into the narrow hallway. We passed a door that read '2J'. James patted the door, "And this is our place" I moved to the door on the right.

"Here we are! 4J." I inserted the key and opened the door.

My jaw dropped as I saw our new home. Kallie suddenly came up right beside me.

We breathed in sync, "Oh my God."

**A/N: As usual, please review with any opinions, feedback or advice! Also, if you want, please leave requests of things you want to see later in the story! Chapter 5 will probably be out later tonight or tomorrow morning! **

**~Rose**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I give to you, Chapter 5! Yes, I have been going crazy with updates and...that, sadly, will probably not stay the norm. My lack of a social life has given you the past 5 chapters...and the fact that I was sorta kinda extremely lazy today ^_^ But I will try to update once a day. Anyway, as we digress, here is Chapter 5!(: And, as always, please overlook any typos that you find. I know I have found some in past chapters. See you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No infringement intended.**

The room, _our_ home, was incredible. The floor was a white polished marble tile and my heels clicked against it. There was a small kitchen and island to our left, a living room straight ahead, and a small hallway that led off to the right. The furniture was pleasantly contrasting and streamlined. There were windows against the back wall which were letting the morning light.

The décor was conservative, but stylish. This room was modern.

I walked in and sat down on one of the chairs at the island and Kallie walked down the hall. James wheeled my suitcase in and then whistled as he ran and jumped on the couch.

"Wow. This place is _nice_." He looked around with a grin on his face.

Logan placed Kallie's suitcase next to mine and then walked up to James. "James! You can't just run into someone else's place and act like you own it!" Logan scolded.

"It's okay, Logan. But thanks." I stood up and followed Kallie down the hall. There were three separate doors spaced out down the hall. I opened the one on my right and was greeted by a medium sized room. There was also a larger room and another medium sized one. Kallie claimed the first room as hers and demanded I take the larger room.

The large room had it's own bathroom, but the other two had to share one.

I could hear the TV on and some sport playing. Logan and James were cheering.

I brought my blue and purple suitcase into my room and sat it on the bed. The king sized bed.

_This is all for me?_

This had to be a dream. Any minute I would wake up and be back in hell. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts, right?

I walked out into the living room to see James and Logan jumping and giving each other a high five.

"Told you they were an amazing team!" James cheered.

"Hey guys I'm going to shower really quickly but I will be back out soon and we can go, ok?"

"Sure, take your time." Logan and James both said. As soon as I walked into the hallway I noticed a penny on the floor, right against the wall. I bent down to pick it up; I needed all the luck I could get. After a few moments I heard Logan ask James, "You like her don't you?"

I froze.

"Emma? Well, come on, she's gorgeous."

"James, it's something else. Every time she's in the same room with you, you seem to always have an eye on her."

"I…yeah. I just feel different towards her. I don't know what they're running from but…I want to help."

Before I heard anymore I quietly walked into my room and fist pumped the air.

I silently squealed and did a strange happy dance.

_He likes me! _

Do I like him?

_Yes._

But…why? I only just met him.

_Because he's different._

Oh, yeah. Sure. He's probably just trying to get you into bed. How could he be different?

_Because he said he wanted to help me._

I sighed. I hated having conversations with myself.

I grabbed a change of clothes and some toiletries and walked into the bathroom. And, just like before, I was _pleasantly_ surprised by what I saw.

There was a huge shower in the corner of the room that was sealed in by warped, clear glass. The walls were done in black tile and the floor looked like a light gray marble.

I smiled and pulled down two towels from the rack in the corner of the room and flipped the shower on.

I then walked to the mirror and took a good look at myself. I wasn't super skinny like my sister. I never wanted to be. I liked being curvy, it was sexy in my opinion. I was wearing some dark jeans and a tight shirt. My long brunette hair was falling in gentle waves. My eyes looked a little cloudy but alert. My lips were a light red and my skin was naturally tan.

With my heels on I was about 5'11". With them off I was still pretty tall. I stood about 5'9" – 5'10". They clicked across the marble as I kicked them off.

I stripped and hopped into the shower.

I sighed as the warm water hit my skin. I stayed under the water for far too long. I just couldn't bring myself to turn it off.

My hair was washed and my skin was refreshed. My face was clean and I stepped out of the shower and slipped on a towel before wrapping my hair up.

I walked over to the mirror with a wicked grin.

_Let's up the sexy factor, shall we?_

I popped in my contacts and dried myself off. My size C chest was emphasized in a lacy black bra and panty set. I stepped into a ruffly navy blue cotton skirt and a tight white v-neck short sleeved button up shirt. It emphasized my tan skin quite nicely.

I added extra mascara and eyeliner before adding some bronze colored eye shadow. A light coating of blush was added to my cheeks and some dark pink lip gloss was added to my lips. I let my hair down and, not having time to do anything else with it, scrunched it into waves and added some mousse.

I got back into my black heels and sprayed myself with perfume and added lotion to my smooth legs and arms.

I could hear my sister laughing with Logan and James when I walked out into the hallway.

When my sister saw me she simply winked and gave me a subtle thumbs up. When James and Logan saw me their eyes nearly popped out of their skulls.

_Well, that's a confidence booster._

"Ready to give us a tour?" I asked.

They both nodded and began walking to the door, all the while not taking their eyes off of me.

I laughed and noticed my sister for the first time. She, too, had changed and was wearing a flowery skirt with a light orange top. I don't know how they could stare at me when she was in the room.

We both grabbed our purses and we left the room.

"So where do we want to go first?" Kallie asked.

"I heard a mention of an _incredible _pool earlier?" I looked at James.

"Yes! It's amazing, come on we will go there first." James decided.

"…and then maybe take them to Rocque Records?" Logan said, "They do need to be there by Noon and its...8:00. Never mind."

"How about we go to the pool, you guys can show us Rocque Records and then we can do some brief shopping and maybe get some lunch before we meet with Gustavo?" Kallie suggested.

"Sounds good to me. I need some more hair gel anyway." James mumbled before running a hand through his hair.

"And we need to start buying some clothes. Any good malls around here or anything?" I asked.

"Sure. We can show you. It's not too terribly far away." Logan said as he pushed the elevator button.

The silver doors opened and we all stepped inside.

The elevator began to descend slowly but, with a loud bang, stopped.

"What the heck was that?" Kallie asked.

"This is why I like the stairs. Even though this place is nice, it's been forever since these elevators were inspected." After being met with weird looks, Logan flushed, "No one else reads the little plaque?"

There was a metallic groan and suddenly the elevator shook.

"Push the emergency button!" I shouted to Kallie.

Logan was holding onto the rails, as was James.

The elevator dropped suddenly and we all screamed as we fell to the ground.

There was a snapping sound and the elevator suddenly stopped, but the lights blinked a few times and went out.

"Emma!" Kallie screamed. She was terrified of the dark. She couldn't handle it.

I reached out for her but I couldn't find her.

"Where are you, Kallie?" I asked

"I don't know! Um, over here?"

"Kallie, did you hit the emergency button?" Logan called.

"Yes!"

Suddenly there was a bang and there was a sound of multiple buttons being pressed.

"Oops." Logan said.

"Great. Let's just keep calm, Logan come back and sit down!" I said.

The elevator shook again and suddenly there was a Logan lying in our laps.

"You messed up my hair!" James shouted.

"Get over it you baby!" There was definite anger in Logan's voice.

"Hey! Who just touched my butt?" Logan asked.

"Sorry!" Kallie mumbled.

I then found someone's hand. "Kallie, is that you?"

"No…"

"It's me." James said as he squeezed my hand once.

I squeezed back and the elevator began to rise again.

"Guys! What's going on?" Logan sounded near hysterics and Kallie was almost there.

"Logan?" Kallie asked.

"Yes?"

"Is that you?"

"Yes."

I could hear shuffling and the lights came on briefly. Logan had Kallie in his arms and James was sitting right in front of me.

"Why are we rising?" Kallie shouted.

"I don't know but I can promise you that were higher than where we started." James said.

Then, the lights blacked out yet again.

"Oh my God what was _THAT?_" Kallie shrieked.

"What?" The rest of us shouted.

"I don't know! It looked like a spiky blob and it was moving towards me!"

"Kallie, shut up! There's no blob. Let's just calm down." I said.

"How can we calm down when we're still going _up_?" Logan cried out.

"Can we pry the doors open or something?" I shouted.

James moved over and tried to open the doors.

"It won't open! No!" He screamed, "I'm too pretty to die like this!"

"I don't want to _die_!" Kallie and Logan said.

"Nobody is going to die! Let's try calling for help." I suggested.

Then we were all screaming and banging on the elevator doors; although we were all falling over each other in the darkness.

"Help!"

"I don't want to die!"

"We're stuck!"

"Get us _out!_"

No one seemed to be there to help.

"Emma! Emma I can't do this anymore! Get me _out_!" She screamed.

"Where are you?" I asked. I suddenly felt shaking hands lock around my waist.

"Kallie! Come here, you're going to be fine, I swear." I said as I held her in my lap. I could feel James sit next to me and Logan fell over my feet.

"Sorry Logan!"

"N-No. It's f-fine, E-Emma." Logan said in a shaky whisper.

"We are going to be fine!" I shouted.

"How tall is this stupid place? We haven't stopped rising!" Kallie cried.

"I-It's pretty t-tall."

Suddenly there was a clicking noise and the elevator stopped.

My heart was pounding in my chest.

"Guys…"

"What, Emma?" Kallie said through tears.

"What if we fall?" James suddenly shouted the thought that crossed my mind.

"If we fall from this damn height we're going to die!" Logan literally shrieked.

There was a lot of movement and I began to bang on the doors.

"Help!" I called out through the door.

James joined me.

"I am NOT going to die today!" James shouted.

Then the elevator shook again.

"O-Oh my G-God…E-Emma…" I heard Kallie's breathing hitch and she began to gasp.

I felt her shaking and twitching.

_Oh God she's having a panic attack._

My mind went back to an occasion when I was 10 and Kallie was 9. It was after a…session…with my father and Kallie had been beaten. The lights had gone out due to a late night storm and she was groping around for me and she found our father instead. She managed to find her way back into the room we were sharing and dropped to the floor. She curled up and began clutching at her chest and breathing erratically.

I called out to her but she just shook and cried hysterically. I sang to her and held her in my arms as she cried and screamed. It eventually passed, but ever since, she was prone to panic attacks. Especially when it was dark.

I held her in my arms and rubbed her back.

"Shh, Kallie, it's going to be okay. I promise." I murmured.

"What's happening to her?" James shouted.

Logan answered for me, "She's having a panic attack!"

"Yes she is." I muttered.

"I'm about to have one if we don't get off this damn elevator!" Logan screamed and he hit his fist against the side of the elevator.

"James, calm down Logan. No loud, harsh voices or she won't recover!" I whispered urgently.

"Logan..." James began.

"No! Just get me off of this! Please!" He shouted.

James passed beside me and I could feel him shaking. I reached out and ran my hand along his back.

"We are going to be ok; we all just need to calm down!"

Kallie's breathing had slowed and she was beginning to relax. Logan, however, was a completely different story.

I sat against the wall and stroked Kallie's hair. "Ok, does anyone know where my purse went? I have a cell phone and I can try calling for help."

"The service is bad in the elevators." James said. His voice was shaking.

There was a sudden jarring motion and everyone, including myself, screamed. Kallie went back into hysterics but Logan seemed like he was calming himself down.

"Kallie, baby, stop crying. Breathe."

It seemed like she was honestly trying, but she was too scared to calm down.

I took a deep breath to calm my own nerves, and I began to softly sing the first song that popped into my mind.

"_We're halfway there, we're looking good now, nothings gonna get in the way. We're halfway there, and looking back now, I'd never thought that I'd ever say, we're halfway there. We're halfway there."_

James and Logan both began to sing with me.

"_When the chips are down, back against the wall, got no more to give, 'cause we gave it all. Seems like going a distance is unrealistic, but we're too far from the start!"_

"_So we take what comes and we keep on going, leaning on each other's shoulders. Then we turn around, and see we've come so far somehow"_

"_We're halfway there, we're looking good now, nothings gonna get in the way. We're halfway there, and looking back now, I'd never thought that I'd ever say, we're halfway there. We're halfway there."_

I stroked her hair and over a few minutes her breathing began to slow. The singing seemed to calm everyone down.

"There, now just breathe and relax." I continued to stroke her hair.

Judging by feel and sound, Kallie was on my left, James was on my right and Logan was to his right. I moved a little closer and he had stopped shaking.

I silently reached for his hand and held it. He squeezed back.

"Emma, I don't want to die." He murmured.

"You said it before; you're too pretty to die. The angels will come and save your pretty ass." He laughed outright and calmed a little bit.

"Do you really think my ass is pretty?" He asked.

Even Kallie chuckled and we all began to calm down. The lights flickered on and cast a dim light on us. We were huddled in a corner of the elevator and the contents of our purses were emptied all over the elevator. I saw my little pocket brush by Kallie's foot.

"Hey, Kallie, that's probably what you saw earlier."

She nodded silently. Mascara was running down her face and her hair was all over the place. Hell, all of us had bed heads.

"Hey! There's my chapstick." Kallie said as she crawled over by Logan. After she picked it up the elevator shook and she fell back into Logan's lap. Logan locked his arms around her waist.

Then the lights went out. I could hear Kallie's breathing pick up.

"Kallie, stay with Logan. Everything will be fine, just relax." I said.

Then the elevator shook again and one side actually dropped; causing James and I to slide across the elevator. We shuffled around so that I was in his lap. The other side dropped too, eliciting screams from our other half.

I grabbed James' hands and said a silent prayer to whatever deity was listening.

Then, the elevator dropped.

**A/N: Please, please review! I love to hear what people are thinking and I literally grin like a fool whenever I see that I have a new review! Thank you all for reading!(: *hugs***

**~Rose**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Happy Friday! To celebrate this glorious weekly occasion, I present you with *drum roll* Chapter 6! I hope you all enjoy it! If you find any errors please overlook them and continue reading ^_^ I had fun with this chapter and I hope you will have fun reading it. Make notes on what you want to say in your review and I will see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No infringement intended**

It dropped. It _actually_ dropped. And we dropped with it.

Our screams permeated the air as we clutched tightly onto one another. James' arms were tight around my abdomen and I had a death grip on him. I guessed that Logan and Kallie were connected in a similar fashion. I could hear Kallie crying through her screams.

I had never been to an amusement park, but there were rides that did this. They brought you up and let you go; they had always sounded fun to me, but not anymore. No way.

The worst part? We had been sitting on the floor when it dropped, but now we were all in the air literally right up against the ceiling. As soon as the elevator fell, we went up. There was nothing solid to hold on to, except James.

It felt as though my lungs had a vice on them. I couldn't breathe, yet I kept screaming until I just couldn't anymore. I tightened up every muscle as I tried to escape the feeling of free falling. We continued to drop and I tried to do some mental math of when we would hit the bottom; the results terrified me.

But, when I was sure we were going to slam into the ground, the elevator just stopped. And we were all slammed into the floor.

I cried out when I hit the bottom of the elevator. James and I bounced back against the wall; his arms still tight around me and my arms still tight around him. A sharp, intense pain shot up my spine and I lost my breath. The lights came on.

"J-Ja…" I tried to speak but couldn't. I was still fighting to catch my breath when he turned me around.

"Emma? What is it? Are you okay?" His voice was shaky, but urgent. His hazel eyes were wide as he gently shook me.

"My…back…" I ended up gasping the words. My back was on fire and everything hurt.

He pulled me against him and gently ran his hands up and down my spine. I cried out against his shirt, but he continued stroking my back. I could hear his heart hammering against his chest and he was still shaking. I wrapped my arms around his waist and tried to catch my breath.

I looked over to see Logan holding a violently shaking Kallie. They both seemed unharmed.

"Kallie, Kallie we're okay. It's fine, we stopped falling." Logan said gently to her. She was outright sobbing into his shoulder and he looked shaken up as well.

Suddenly a banging on the elevator doors caused us to let loose terrified screams of surprise.

"_We're coming to get you!"_ I could hear a male voice say.

"Hurry!" James and Logan shouted.

The pain in my back began to fade. James continued to run his hands along my back and I leaned into him and moaned. He then held me at arms length, "Emma? Are you okay?"

"Y-Yes. I'm okay. Thank you." I whispered. Logan had gotten Kallie to calm down and he was gently stroking her hair.

I turned to her and began to crawl. "Kallie? Kallie, baby?" I brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked at her. Unshed tears were in her eyes, but she seemed relatively fine. Her eyes were wide but she had stopped shaking. I kissed her on the cheek and looked at Logan, "Thank you."

He nodded and began to murmur into her ear. I found my purse and Kallie's resting against the back wall. I scooped them up and began to gather the items that had fallen grabbed up the remainder of the items and laid them in front of me. I put them into the bag which they fell from.

"Thank you, James." It was a sincere thanks…for everything.

"No problem, are you okay?" He asked. I sat back in his lap and rested my head against his shoulder.

"Yes. I'm okay. I don't think I'm going to be visiting an amusement park anytime soon, but I'm fine." I chuckled.

There was a metal screeching noise and then the doors opened. We were in between floors and there was a good two foot jump required to get out. Someone reached in and pulled Kallie out; who, in turn, was dragging Logan.

The bright light illuminated the elevator and I winced. I could see a figure in a uniform reach his hand out to mine. I grabbed it and James gently lifted me up. I snatched our bags and then climbed out of the elevator. There were hands around my arms and I was pulled out.

James followed after. I looked around; whatever floor we were on had gathered a crowd. There were a good 20 people watching. I guess our screams did bring attention.

"What floor are we on?" I asked.

"The third." Answered the man who pulled me out, "Are you guys okay? Is anyone hurt?"

We all shook our heads. Last thing I wanted was to be taken to the hospital.

James put his arm around my waist and led me to the stairs. Logan and Kallie followed behind us. We opened the door to the stairway and, shakily, walked down to the lobby.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, Kallie? Want to come?" I asked. She quickly nodded and grabbed my hand as we walked to the large bathroom. People stared at us but we didn't care. Once I closed the door I turned to her and looked her over.

Her clothes were wrinkled, her hair was messed up and her makeup was smeared. Other than that she looked a little shaken up, but she was fine.

"Kallie?"

"I'm fine, Emma. I shouldn't have flipped out like that. I pretty much sent Logan into a fit." She laughed a little bit, "You would think that because of what I've been through it would take a lot to make me have a panic attack."

"Kallie, it's fine. Let's just not have this set us back. We are going to freshen up, get that tour from James and Logan, shop, and get some lunch. Then we're going to go visit Gustavo and get on our way." My voice was even. I brushed my hair and re applied some eye makeup.

Kallie sat on the counter with a wet paper towel and began to wipe away her makeup. After a few minutes we had collected ourselves and we walked back outside.

James and Logan immediately came up to us.

Logan put his arms on Kallie's shoulders, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and smiled, "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you Logan." She drew him into a hug.

Then James was right in front of me. "How is your back?"

"Fine, thanks. I just hit the ground kind of hard." I rubbed my neck and chuckled.

"So, can we get the rest of this tour?" Kallie asked.

"Sure. It's 8:30 so that killed some time. Wanna head out to the pool?" Logan said.

I thought for a minute, "How about we go shopping, get something to eat and then after stopping at Rocque Records we can go swimming?"

Kallie nodded enthusiastically, "Ooh yes! That sounds great!"

"Works for me!" Logan agreed.

James smiled, "You're going to _love_ the pool!"

So we headed out to the nearest mall. It was huge and had every store we could ever want to go into. James ducked into some hair styling place and came back out with a bag of hair products.

"Wow. With _that_ much hairspray you, my friend, are increasing the size of the hole in our ozone." Logan mocked as we walked.

James rolled his eyes, "Oh you're just jealous that I can get me hair to look like-" He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, "this. And you can't."

Kallie and I laughed.

"Ooh..." Suddenly I felt Kallie's hand grab my wrist and pull me into a clothing store. Kallie had always dressed a few years younger than she should, but she always looked adorable.

This store was a complete 360 degree turnaround from what her normal style was. It was a sophisticated store, but it was also chic and stylish. She disappeared off behind the various racks and displays and within no time she had an arm full of clothes and was ducking into a dressing room.

James and Logan followed behind and stared.

"She…doesn't dress anything like this." Logan said as one of his eyebrows shot up.

"We're changing ourselves. If this is what she wants to do then I support her. Besides, this store is super cute." I wandered over and began to look at a tiny crème colored skirt.

I didn't know how to describe my usual style but this was a little daring for me. I loved it.

I grabbed some clothes and went into the dressing room beside my sister. I could hear her laughing and giggling.

_Oh boy._

When I had tried on most of my items, I heard someone knock on my dressing room door.

"Occupied."

"No, it's me. I got something for you to try on." I heard James shyly admit.

I opened the door a crack and poked my head out, "Well, let's see it!" I smiled.

He handed me a blood red dress with black lace. My mouth dropped open. "Wow. Where did you find this?" I asked in shock. I opened the door and held it up.

"It was one of the dresses in the front display. I didn't know what size to get you so I guessed on medium. I mean, you're not small-" His eyes went wide and he stuttered, "B-But you're not fat! At all! You're just not super tiny…I mean…" He hung his head.

I laughed and rested my hand against his chest, "I get it James. Thank you very much. I am a medium."

And, after a quick hug, I walked back into the dressing room. I slipped into the dress and nearly screamed with happiness.

It fit _perfectly_. It hugged every one of my curves which showed off my hourglass figure. It was about mid-thigh length and highly accented my skin tone. The sleeves were short and wispy and the material was incredibly comfortable. The dress was a bright crimson but was draped in various types of black lace.

It looked nothing like me. And I embraced it.

After fluffing up my hair I peeked out the door and saw James sitting on a chair.

"Wanna see?" I asked in a cheery tone.

"Yes!" He hopped up and walked over. With a deep breath I pushed open the door and stepped in front of him. His jaw dropped open and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well? What do you think?"

"I-I…I mean…whoa. You look incredible." His voice was deep and his eyes were dark.  
>I laughed and did a spin. "I'm going to get it. I love it! Thank you so much for finding it!"<p>

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist as I leaned into him for a hug. He embraced me and returned the hug. "No problem. I'm glad you like it!" He tripped over his words, but I could tell what he meant.

I walked back into the dressing room and changed back into my normal clothes. When I walked out I picked up a few more things and then met up with Kallie.

"Judging by the sky scraper of clothes in your arms, you found something?" She literally had about 30 different outfits with her. She nodded and laid them on the counter in front of the cashier.

I threw my clothes on top and stood on my toes to see the cashier.

"Did you find everything ok?" She asked.

I laughed, "Yes, yes we did."

She folded everything up and read me the price. Before I re-thought letting Kallie buy anything, I handed her a card and tried to block out how much we just spent.

After that we moved onto the next store. And then another, and then another. By the time we were done Kallie and I were drowning in bags and so were Logan and James. They actually didn't seem to mind shopping. Often they were the ones suggesting things to us.

"Hey, Emma? Can we put these in the car? There's one more store I want to go into." Kallie asked.

"Sure, while we're doing that why don't you guys go head to the food court and pick out a spot for us? Get something to eat and we will join you when we're done."

"No, it's okay. We can come with you." James insisted.

"Yeah, this isn't _that_ bad." Logan laughed.

We walked back to the parking lot and stowed everything in the trunk of Logan's car. It was greatly warming up and I shed my outer shirt and opted for the tank I was wearing underneath. Kallie did the same.

And, after receiving a few wide-eyed stares from both James and Logan, we headed back into the mall.

"What store do you want to go into again?" I asked Kallie.

"It's right up there. James? Logan? You guys probably don't want to come with us. It's an extremely girly store. Why don't you guys do what Emma suggested and go get something to eat?"

"No, it's fine. We will wait for you." Logan smiled.

"Yeah, it's no problem, really." James added.

Kallie shot me a pleading look.

"Thank you guys, honestly, but can we have a few minutes alone? I need to talk to Kallie about something. We will meet you in the food court in a few minutes, ok?"

James and Logan finally got the hint. "Oh, sure…don't mind us. We'll just be…around." Logan blushed as he and James walked away.

"Ok. What is this store you want to go into?" I asked.

"Well…" She had a wicked grin on her face and led me to a store that sold extremely…uh…_sexy_ lingerie.

"What on _Earth_ do you want in there may I ask?" I crossed my arms and stared her down.

She looked at the ground immediately and began to fidget. "Well…I want to change. Honestly. I want to grow up, and I would like some…uh…" She pointed into the store.

I laughed and pushed her in. "Fine, just don't get anything you will regret later."

She clapped her hands and ran into the store. It was a rather small, cozy store, with a few patrons buying items but it was mostly empty. I eventually found myself staring at a display of lacey push-up bras.

I sighed and caved. I grabbed quite a few different things and went into one of the dressing rooms.

When I came out I felt a few years older and much…sexier. I felt confident and grabbed a few other items and I soon found Kallie.

"Ah-hah! Lookie here!" She grinned pulling up a bright red thong out of my arms.

"And lookie _here_!" I responded as I grabbed a leopard spotted thong out of her pile.

"Trying to impress James are we?" She asked with a suggestive tone.

"Just the same way you're trying to impress Logan." I stuck my tongue at her.

She then dropped the item back into my arms and looked down.

"He's too smart for me. He would never even give me a second glance." She muttered.

"Kallie! Don't say that. He _is_ incredibly smart. Smart enough to see what is right in front of him. Smart enough to realize what an amazing girl you are. Smart enough to understand how stupid it would be to let you go." I placed my hand under her chin and raised her head.

"You _have_ to give yourself more credit, Kallie." I smiled.

"Do you really think I could have a chance with him?" She asked.

"Of course. Now come on, we've been in here for forever. The guys are probably wondering where we are." I grabbed her hand and began walking to the cashier, but she stopped me.

"I see the way he looks at you. James I mean. He _really_ likes you, Em."

I stopped and tried to hide a smile. "I've only known the kid for 2 hours and I really like him too."

She laughed and smiled, "Come on. Let's go pay."

The cashier folded everything and bagged them before reading me off the price.

Kallie whistled, grabbed her bag and whispered, "Yeah…I'll be over here." And she walked off.

I shook my head and paid before catching up to her and leaving the store. We walked into the food court and found James and Logan sitting at a table by the windows.

"…Hey! _You_ were the one who suggested the idea in the first place!" Logan shouted.

"Well _you _didn't have to go along with it!" James shot back, "Oh, hey! Did you guys get everything you need?" He asked before looking down at the bags in our hands.

"Um…" Logan turned a deep red.

"Yes we did, did you guys get something to eat?" I asked.

James seemed to be looking _everywhere_ but the bags in our hands, "Actually no. We were going to see if you guys wanted to go to the restaurant up the street."

"Sure, sounds good to us." Kallie said. We began walking to the car when Kallie pulled me back for a minute.

"You guys go on, we'll be right there!" I called.

Kallie mumbled, "Apparently the store is known. How could I have guessed?"

"Um, I noticed it the instant we left the store and people looked at the bags." I laughed.

We both hurried back to the car and, after hiding our bags in the trunk, got in.

Logan and Kallie were in the front, James and I were in the back.

Kallie looked back at me, "So…how much did we spend?"

I laughed, "Trust me. You do _not_ want to know."

**A/N: Time to type out all of those lovely notes in a review and let me know what you think about this chapter! Constructive criticism, along with any requests and feedback, is always welcome! Have a great Friday and I will try to upload Chapter 7 before tomorrow night. Have a safe weekend and I love you all!(:**

**~Rose**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Happy Fourth of July weekend everyone! I hope you are all resting up and enjoying the weekend. To add to the enjoyment, I present you all with Chapter 7! This was going to be uploaded yesterday but fanfiction's document uploader wasn't working correctly. I tried guys I really did! It kept giving me error messages :/ But it's up now and I will be uploading Chapter 8 later today! I'm a little nervous about this chapter so, like with the last one, make some mental notes and I will see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

The drive up to the restaurant was light and jovial; even though I had only known James and Logan for a few hours, I felt like I had known them forever.

I turned to James, "So what kind of restaurant is this?" I asked.

"It's only _the _best breakfast place around." He smiled and I heard his stomach rumble. "And, since it is only…10:45, we have a little bit to relax and eat."

His hand twitched towards mine for what had to be the twentieth time. It was like he was having an internal battle over whether to hold my hand or not. I looked into his eyes and he turned his head down as his cheeks turned a light scarlet.

A light laugh left my lips and I angled my head to look out of the window. The towering buildings reached to the sky. The sunlight hit them in such a way that they shone like diamonds. Each was a different shape and color, but they all faded into the cityscape to form a united view. I absolutely loved it.

I had only seen the city once before but I barely remembered it. The memories came in brief glimpses of rushing people, scary criminals, dreary, tight-packed neighborhoods and cold attitudes. This was totally different. The city was warm and inviting. It seemed to whisper of adventures and whimsical wishes. I felt like anything could happen here; like I could _be_ anyone.

I welcomed the change.

The sky was a clear, light blue. There were no clouds in sight and I could see the leaves of the trees dancing in the wind. People were walking leisurely around; no one seemed to be in a hurry. It was a bright Wednesday morning and the rest of the week lay ahead.

Suddenly Logan's phone rang. He tossed it to James who answered.

"Hello?"

James' expression dropped. "But we were about to get something to eat-"

He sighed. "Okay, we'll be right there."

Logan spoke first, "Kelly?"

"Yeah. She wants us to head to Rocque Records. Our little elevator mishap was broadcasted on the news and Gustavo flipped. Kendall and Carlos are apparently refusing to sing until they see that we're okay." There was slight amusement in his voice.

"Oh no, is Gustavo going to be mad at us?" Kallie looked panicked.

"Well…I don't know. It's hard to predict how he's going to react. He's probably furious with Kendall and Carlos though." Logan said.

He turned around and began driving us to the recording studio.

"I'm hungry…" James pouted.

Logan spoke up, "Well, depending on what happens with Gustavo, maybe we can eat while he's talking with Kallie and Emma or wait until later."

Once the car was parked we all walked into the huge building and began climbing the stairs to Gustavo's office.

_I am definitely not riding in an elevator for awhile._ No one else seemed to have a problem with it.

When we reached the floor Logan and Kallie exited the stairwell but James pulled me back.

"Can I see your phone?" He asked.

"Sure…why?"

"I want to put my number in so you can call me after you guys get done with Gustavo." His voice was cautious, as though I would slap him for suggesting it. Although I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time James had ever been slapped for saying something to a girl.

"Sounds good!" I smiled and handed him my phone.

He typed for a minute and handed me my phone back. I saw him open his mouth like he wanted to say something, but he stopped and shook his head.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. Let's go meet up with Logan and Kallie." His face began to turn red yet again and he held the door open for me.

We caught up to Logan and Kallie. They were standing outside of a closed door looking terrified.

I walked up behind Logan, "What are you waiting for?"

Kallie extended her hand to her mouth and held a finger over her mouth.

"Listen." She whispered.

There was yelling coming from the other side of the door, _a lot_ of yelling.

"_They're fine Kendall! If something was wrong you would have gotten a call from them or the paramedics or something."_

"_Well I wouldn't know because you don't let us have our phones on in the studio!"_

"_Guys! I called James, ok? They're fine! They will be here in a few minutes; just chill!"_

I pushed Logan gently and he took a deep breath and opened the door. As _soon_ as Logan had set one foot inside the room he was practically run over by Carlos and Kendall.

"Are you guys okay?" Carlos shouted as he looked all of us over.

"The news said nothing other than about two hours ago there had been an elevator accident involving all of you guys."

"That's odd, why did you guys _just_ hear the news?" I asked.

"Bitters probably covered it up." Logan mumbled.

"I told you they were ok." Kelly said.

"Ok, ok they're fine! Now I want you dogs out of my studio while I talk to my new star." Gustavo came over and literally shooed the boys out. We were pulled into the room while everyone else was pushed out.

All of the boys objected and began to shout, but Gustavo slammed the door in their faces.

"Now, how are you enjoying LA?" He asked with a smile.

Kallie and I walked over to his desk and sat down in the chairs provided. Kallie looked nervous so I decided to speak, "We're new to the city; we're still getting used to it, but I love it."

"It's much better than where we were before. Thank you for allowing this to happen." A smile danced onto Kallie's face.

"Just show me you deserve it. Now, I want to run some quick vocals and then you guys can leave for today. Be back here tomorrow at 8 a.m. and we will begin recording a demo."

Kallie slowly looked at me before taking a deep breath and looking Gustavo right in the eyes, "Did you hear my sister sing?"

_She did not just say that._

"Kallie!"

"What? Emma you are in _incredible _singer and our voices are great together."

Gustavo glanced back and forth between me and Kallie. "No, I didn't. But she can run some harmonies with you if you wish. I'm _not_ making any promises though!"

I shot icy glares at Kallie.

_This is for you, not me._

Gustavo and Kelly went through a few more various legal aspects and then we were thrust into a recording studio.

Gustavo told us to just sing some scales and let our voices wander. He gave us a few pieces of sheet music to go through and, about an hour later, we were done. When we walked out of the studio he had a smile on his face.

"You both are incredible. I'm going to work with you both on some demos and we will see where it goes from there. Now, leave and rest. I want you both here at 8 am tomorrow."

_What? He's going to work with _us?_ With both of us?_

My heart soared and I broke out into a huge smile. Kallie jumped into the air and clapped her hands.

"Thank you so, so much! You will _not_ regret this. I swear! We will work incredibly hard to make you proud!"

Gustavo and Kelly dismissed us and we exited into the hall. Once the door closed I turned to Kallie and we both screamed in delight.

"I told you he would love you!" Kallie squealed as she held my hands.

"Wow. I can't believe this. I…thank you Kallie. Thank you!" I picked her up, swung her around and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

I bent down to her level and looked her in the eyes, "This is the escape we've been waiting for. We are _not_ going to screw this up."

She nodded, tears in the corner of her eyes.

Kallie and I began walking arm in arm down the hall and to the stairway. "Come on, let's go find the boys and tell them."

I pulled out my phone and dialed James' number.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey James, it's Emma. We're done with Gustavo, can one of you guys come and give us a ride back to the Palm Woods?"

"_Sure, we all stayed down on the main floor. We will be up in a minute."_

"Oh, thank you but you don't need to come up. We will come down and meet you."

"_You sure? It would only take a second for one of us to run up."_

"Thanks but we will be fine, see you in a few!"

"Ok, Kallie, they're waiting on the first level for us, come on."

It was a rather long walk down the cold stairway, but Kallie and I were both in our own separate worlds.

I, for one, could not believe Gustavo listened to me, much less _liked _me.

_This is insane._

Logan came running up to Kallie when we came out of the stairwell. "Hey! So how did it go?"

"Oh, Emma, can I tell them?" Kallie asked with puppy dog eyes.

"Sure, go for it."

Her voice must have gone up 10 octaves as she jumped up and down, "Gustavo liked _both_ of us and he's going to let _both_ of us record some demos!"

I was suddenly enveloped into a hug. I wrapped my arms around the familiar figure and took a deep breath.

_James._

He then held me at arm's length and flashed an award winning smile. "Congratulations! That's great!"

"I..I can't believe he liked me and agreed to work with me." My voice was rather quiet. I was saying it more to convince myself than earn pity from anyone else.

"Emma, you're voice is incredible and he hasn't even heard you give it your all. You sound like a mad black woman when you do. Your voice has something mine lacks; soul. Depth. Richness." Kallie held my hands and gave me a kiss.

"I, for one, want to hear that." Kendall smirked, "But you're voice _is_ amazing, Emma. Don't doubt yourself."

I walked over and drew Kendall into a soft hug. I whispered into his ear, "Thank you."

We walked into the parking lot and out to the car…and stopped short.

"Um…there's six of us and five seats." Carlos said, stating the obvious.

"Simple. I will ride on Logan's lap. And if we see a police officer I can duck down." The suggestion rolled off of Kallie's tongue like she did this on a regular basis.

Logan's mouth dropped. "I-I, Kallie! I'm the driver!"

"Then I can ride in the back with whoever sits with Emma and James."

Carlos decided to speak up, "I say let's do it. It will be fun, and no one will catch us."

Logan insisted on not riding in the van. "No! How about we go ask Gustavo for the van and we can split up and-"

Kallie interrupted him. "Logan, it's right around the corner. We will be fine. I promise."

"Uh…ok then…" He mumbled.

Carlos and Logan rode in the front while James, Kendall, Kallie, and I rode in the back. We all managed to fit, but no one could use their seatbelts or, for that matter, move.

I was sitting in the middle with Kallie to my left and James to my right. I wasn't complaining. My body was being pressed up against his and I wanted _more._

His arm was smooth and warm and his torso was toned, but still comfortable to lean against. He stretched his left arm up into the air and extended it on the seat behind me. I took a deep breath and snuggled up against him. The soft cotton of his shirt brushed against my exposed skin leaving me covered in goosebumps.

His cologne seemed to envelop me in a spicy fog; it was entirely _him._ Unique, warm, spicy, but also sweet. And there was a kick of something else in there that I didn't match up.

I hesitated a brief moment before resting my arm on his leg. He stiffened immediately, but then relaxed and inched closer to me. I ached to rest my head against him and go to sleep, but we arrived at the Palm Woods before that plan could take place.

"See Logan? I told you we would make it back without issue." Kallie laughed as she hopped out of the car. Kendall followed while I lingered against James for just a second longer than I probably should have.

"Hey guys?" I called out, "Can we get a hand with these bags please?"

"Sure thing." Logan answered immediately.  
>Kendall and Carlos had strange looks on their faces. "We went shopping…and when I say shopping I don't mean 'Hey I bought a few bags of random shit at the drugstore!' I mean we have a good 20 bags crammed with clothes and whatnot." Kallie's long hair bounced behind her as she ran to the trunk.<p>

"Did Kallie just put you in debt?" Kendall asked me with a smile.

"Hey now, it wasn't all her. I contributed some!"

"Holy _crap_ guys, they bought the whole mall!" Carlos whistled from the trunk.

I walked over and joined the group of guys and Kallie reaching into the trunk. I pulled out whatever bags I could find. And I made _sure_ to grab my…lingerie bag.

Kallie also made sure to grab her bag as well. But, apparently, not all of it made it into the bag.

"Hey, what's this?" Carlos asked as he pulled out a lacy black thong from the trunk.

"Uh, C-Carlos! I…" Kallie turned as red as a cherry and snatched it from Carlos, who had gone as still as a statue. Kendall turned around and snickered. Logan looked redder than Kallie and James simply arched an eyebrow.

I quickly closed the trunk. "Ok, so, let's get all of this into our apartment, shall we?" I ushered everyone along.

By the time we reached our floor all of the guys were huffing and puffing.

"What is in these bags? Did you go buy bowling balls or something?" Carlos panted.

I looked back at him. "In that bag? No. There's a few pairs of jeans, some tops and a sundress."

"Come on macho man, lift those bags!" Kallie taunted as she took the bag from his hands.

I looked at Kallie and smiled. We were handling this perfectly; we're girls. We know how to lug around shopping bags.

Kendall stopped to rest against the wall. "When will the elevator be fixed?"

Logan, James, Kallie and I shot him looks that should have toasted him on the spot.

He held his hands up in surrender, "Ok, ok sorry. Let's keep going; we're the next floor up." And sure enough, the next hallway was ours. Everyone walked into our apartment and, after depositing the bags, collapsed on the couch.

"Hey, since when do you guys get to stay in the Ritz and we had to live in a cardboard box?" Carlos asked as he looked around.

"Don't even. Just enjoy it." James folded his arms behind his head and rested against the couch.

I grabbed my bags and addressed the group of boys, "If you guys want to go change go ahead, we will keep the door unlocked and you can come back when you're done and we can head down."

"Ok, we'll be right back!" Logan shouted as they left the apartment.

As soon as the door shut Kallie ran over to me and hit her hand against her head.

"I _cannot_ believe _Carlos_ picked up my _thong_!" She shouted.

I just laughed and carried my bags into the room. I quickly brushed my hair out, applied another quick layer of makeup and dug through the bags looking for one of the bathing suits I got. The one I was looking for was a deep navy blue with a bubble gum pink anchor on the bottom and top. It was adorable and it made my chest look _amazing_. I slipped on some sandals and I reached to spray some perfume before realizing that I left my purse in the living room.

I rushed out to get it before the guys came back but I was too late. James was sitting on the couch. As soon as I entered the room he stared at me. His jaw dropped a little bit and his eyes immediately darkened.

I had a similar reaction. He was in a pair of, matching, dark blue bottoms and a white tank. His muscles clearly showed through and my expression revealed it.

"I-I forgot my purse…" My voice was shaky and weak.

Without saying a word he walked up to me and grabbed my hips.

"J-James?"

He gently, but firmly, pushed me back into the wall and closed the distance between us. His breathing was labored and his eyes were glazed over as he stared at me hungrily.

_Oh God._

**A/N: I am really thinking that I am going to make this story M rated. Please, please review and give me your opinion! Hit that little review button and type up your notes! I love you all! *hugs***

**~Rose**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I hope you all had a **_**fabulous**_** Fourth of July weekend! It was pretty busy for me so I apologize for the late update. And, as your Tuesday surprise, I present you with Chapter 8! As a little something extra I will probably be uploading Chapter 9 later tonight but I warn you in advance; I am going to be changing the rating to M starting with the next update. I hope you all enjoy and I will see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No infringement intended.**

_Oh God._

His breath was hot and sweet as it filled my senses. I looked up through my lashes to see his hazel eyes wide with, what I presumed to be, _lust_. I could see my reflection in his wide, green irises. He looked just as shocked as I felt. The expression he wore on his face seemed to suggest that he had acted without thinking his actions through; and now he was left with the consequences.

"Emma." His voice was heavy and filled with desire. He stepped even closer and moved his head down. I could feel every cell in my body zing with electricity. My breathing hitched as his grip on my hips grew tighter.

The _things_ I wanted to do to him.

The sound of Kallie coughing pulled me out of the moment rather harshly.

I grabbed his shoulders and backed him up. "Not here James, not now." My mouth said no but my heart and eyes continued to say yes.

And with those five words, James Diamond crashed back to Earth.

He backed up. "Oh God, Emma I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." He blushed furiously and looked down as he sat on the couch.

"James. I…" I had no idea what I wanted to say to him. I only met him this morning!

_So?_

So! I…I can't do this. Not this fast.

"Emma, I am _so _sorry." His voice seemed to shake with sincerity.

"James. Don't apologize." I gave him a small smile. He seemed to perk up a little at that.

"I-I need to get my purse." I quickly walked away and back into my room.

Oh my God what just happened?

_The beginning of a relationship._

I'm not ready to step into a relationship with him!

_Why not? You're pretty much already there._

No, no there's a difference between touching and…oh God. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

_Told you._

I grabbed a light cover up, some sun screen, sunglasses and hair ties and walked out into the living room again.

_Just pretend like nothing happened._

Yeah. I will just ignore the electricity still lingering in my skin.

James ' gave rested on me but, with the rest of the guys in the room, didn't do much beyond that. Although when the rest of the guys _did_ notice me, I got free, complementary stares. When my sister came out right behind me, she received the same treatment I did.

"Are we ready to go?" I asked.

All of the boys hopped up and we began the walk down the stairwell. Each of the boys looked _extremely_ attractive, but James took the prize, in my opinion. His hair was perfect; his eyes were wide and a deep hazel, his body was toned and his smile? Don't even get me started.

When we exited the stairway we walked out to the pool.

My mouth dropped, "And you guys have access to this _every_ day?"

They all just looked at me and nodded.

Carlos immediately did a cannonball into the pool; sending a wave of water crashing down on anyone who was within 3 feet of the water. He then came up and began to swim around.

Luckily, there weren't that many people sitting by the pool. Kallie grabbed the first chair and Logan took the one next to her. I sat between Logan and James, and Kendall sat on the other side of James.

I pulled my hair back into a bun and, after putting on sunscreen, laid back on the chair and closed my eyes.

There was a light gentle breeze blowing the warm air over my body. Noises from the city gently wafted over us and birds called out to their mates. It was quiet, but there was some light music playing from a speaker somewhere. I could feel my skin cells soaking up the sun's rays as I lightly heated up. The chair I was sitting on was plush and extremely comfortable; I could easily fall asleep right here.

But I couldn't yet. After this I was going to take Kallie into town and we were going to get our hair cut. Then I was going to buy a new phone for both of us.

All I had to do after that was forget about everything that had ever happened to us.

_Yeah, like that's going to happen_.

I know Kallie still had problems with it. She frequently had nightmares that would send her into panic attacks. I was stronger than she was and even I was often set back by it.

We were scarred; more in mental ways than physical ways. We had some scars on our bodies but it was the psychological abuse that got to us more. We flinched at certain things and avoided others. For the longest time Kallie had a fear of water; but she had recovered from it after the _"dunkings" _stopped.

She seemed perfectly fine here beside the pool; it wasn't that deep and she knew none of us would hurt her.

"Hey Emma?" I felt James' hand gently resting on my shoulder.

I cracked an eye open, "Hmmm?"

"I'm going to get something to drink at the vending machine in the lobby. Do you want anything?"

A cold bottle of water _did_ sound nice. "Sure, I'll come with you. Logan? Kallie? Do you guys want anything to drink?"

Logan shook his head but Kallie asked for an iced tea. I stood up and slipped on my sandals.

"Follow me."

I trailed behind James as we entered the building.

"I still can't believe you guys can do this whenever you want." I said, motioning around.

He grinned, "Yeah, it's one of the perks that comes with living here."

"No kidding."

"Emma?" The tone in his voice had changed; he was now quiet and shy.

"What is it James?"

He looked me in the eyes. "I _am_ sorry about…earlier. I-I don't know why I did that..."

I took a deep breath and spoke, "James, in case you didn't notice; I wasn't stopping you. I allowed you to do it so if you're handing out blame then you better give some to me."

"I would never blame you. I just want you to know that I shouldn't have done that." He smiled.

I returned the gesture, "It's fine, let's just move on. How about we get those drinks, hmm?"

After he paid for his water, my water and Kallie's iced tea, we headed back out to the pool. The afternoon went buy in a very slow, relaxing fashion; we all pretty much stayed outside. Nothing incredible happened between me and James, but I was starting to fall for him more and more.

Even though he was a total pretty boy obsessed with his looks, he was sweet. He even got me a towel and wrapped it around me after I took a quick lap in the pool. It was _hilarious_ to watch all of the boys react; they each had their own position within the group and helped it to function. Logan was incredibly smart, Kendall seemed to be the appointed leader, Carlos was the goof, James was the pretty boy and they were all extremely close.

Kallie and Logan seemed to be giving each other a lot of shy glances and hidden smiles. They looked absolutely _adorable_ together. I hoped it would work out.

We later headed back to our apartment to get changed; Kallie and I were going to head to a salon to get our hair cut/dyed/changed.

"So we will see you tomorrow?" James asked as we stood outside of our apartment door.

"Yes, definitely." I drew him into a tight hug. Then, with a little wave, I headed back inside. Kallie was already in her room changing and I followed suit.

I stripped, showered, and hunted down my clothes. I decided to wear a new outfit; a black lace skirt, an off the shoulder red shirt, black heels and some light jewelry. I kept my makeup minimal.

"Hey Kallie? Are you ready?" I called out when I left my room.

"Yeah, I'm in here." She looked incredibly different. She was wearing slashed, low-rise skinny jeans, a loose black shirt that hung low and a white belt under her breasts. Her hair was wavy and she sported large, dark sunglasses. Her lips were bright red.

My jaw dropped. "Oh my God, Kallie. You look…wow."

She took off the sunglasses and put them on her head. Her eyes were heavily lined and she wore a sparkly shade of eye shadow.

She grinned, "Really?"

"Yes. Like…damn. You look 25 not 15."

She winked at me, "You don't look so bad yourself. I'm sure James would _love_ to just bend you over and-"

"Kallie!" My cheeks were about as red as her lips.

"Come on, Emma. You _know_ you would love it." She had a wicked grin on her face.

_She's not lying, either…_

"Just like Logan would _love_ to see you in that little black lacy thong?"

Now she blushed. "Emma!"

"Come on, let's just go get our haircut." I grabbed her wrist and we left the Palm Woods.

When we reached into the parking lot Kallie looked at me. "Didn't Kelly say something about getting us a rental car for a few weeks until we get one?"

I nodded, "Yeah, but she said it would be a few days. I saw a small hair salon a little way up the road; we can walk."

We set off down the road. There was a light breeze and the sun warmed my skin as we walked.

"So, what are we going to do with our hair?" Kallie asked.

"Well…we _could_ do what James suggested but I think I'm going to ask what the stylist things would work."

"Works for me." She seemed like she wanted to say more, but decided against it. Her mouth opened a few times and she looked deep in thought. It was as if she were having a battle inside her head and the effects were displayed across her features.

I eyed her carefully. "Do you want to talk about something?"

She paused slightly before answering. "No. I'm just thinking."

We spent the rest of the walk in silence. The hair salon I had seen earlier just seemed like a nice, privately owned place. Once we walked in the smell of various hair products crashed into us.

"Well good afternoon girls!" A tall brunette greeted us. There was one other customer in the store but the atmosphere was casual, comfy and accepting. The floors were made out of a light, tanned wood, the windows were allowing the sun to stream in, and there was some music playing from a radio in the corner.

"Hello. Do you accept walk-ins?" I asked.

She walked over to us and beamed. "For you two sexy ladies? Absolutely. What do we want to do today?" She wiped her hands on a black apron around her waist.

"Well, we want a change. Cut our hair off, dye it, style it, whatever you think would look good."

"I can definitely do that. Who's first?" She asked.

I pointed to my sister. "Kallie is." Kallie jumped up and shook the woman's hand.

"I want to look older, more mature. I really don't care what you do; just make it look edgy and sexy." She giggled.

The woman eyed her carefully. "I can cut it to your chin and lightly feather the back and tease it up, which will add a _lot_ of volume. I would dye it a rich auburn. That would be quite a contrast from your pale blonde."

Kallie thought a moment, "Sure! That sounds great."

Then the woman came over to me. "And do you have anything particular in mind?" She asked.

"I just want it _different_. I'm used to just lifeless, wavy hair. I'd like to change it up a bit."

"You would look good with a feathered and layered cut that falls around the shoulders. I would dye it a deep, dark brunette and add in some lighter highlights and lowlights. If you're game I could also add some side swept bangs."

"I'm game." My hair had always been, in my opinion, a light, washed out brown. Adding some color sounded like a great idea.

The woman clapped her hands, "Great! I will take care of Kallie first. What's your name? I'm Julie." She extended her hand out to me.

I shook her hand, "Nice to meet you, Julie, I'm Emma."

"Well Emma, take a seat and your hair will be restyled in no time!"

Kallie tossed me her bag and sat down in one of the open chairs. Julie showed her a picture of what she was aiming for, but making a lot of editing motions with her hands. Then she ushered Kallie into the back of the room and washed her hair. When she returned her silver scissors were snipping away.

I settled into the chair and leaned my head back.

_Today has been one hell of a day._

I closed my eyes and relaxed.

Before I realized it, I felt a pair of hands cover my eyes. "Don't look yet." Kallie whispered in my ear.

I sat up, kept my eyes closed and removed her hands. "Tell me when."

I heard shuffling and then she told me to look. I quickly opened my eyes. And my jaw hit the floor.

"Oh. My. God. Kallie it looks _amazing_!" Her hair was about chin length, but curled in tube curls. It was a rich auburn but darker at the tips. The tight curls were also teased up which gave her an _incredible_ amount of volume.

I stood up and felt her soft curls. I turned to Julie, "I don't know what you used to do this but give us whatever you used."

"Just a 1" curler, heat protectant, some mousse, and hairspray."

"Do you sell all of that here?" I asked.

"Of course."

"We will take it."

Julie smiled, "Sure! Now my dear it is your turn in the hot seat."

I handed Kallie our bags and sat down. "You are a miracle worker." I glanced at Kallie. "She looks _amazing._"

"And you will look sexy when I'm done."

She washed my hair and set to work. I could feel and hear her snipping off little bits and feathering it out. She put in the dye and set me under a heater. When I got done she made a few more changes, then she put in some mousse.

"This is a different kind than what I used in Kallie's hair. Her's was mainly to cement in the style. This is to protect and fluff it up some."

Not _once_ did she let me look in the mirror, _or_ let Kallie see.

She dried it, straightened it, and used a wide curler briefly. She then applied some hairspray and teased it some.

Then Julie broke out into a mile wide smile. "Oh my, Emma. You look like a goddess."

My chair was turned around and I looked at the person in the mirror.

My hair was a deep cocoa color with a ton of various highlights. They weren't chunky; they were slim and wispy and added depth and a wide spectrum of color. It was feathered heavily around my face and layered all over. The ends were curled and I had a heavy set of bangs swept to the left side of my head.

I gasped.

"Hey Kallie? Why don't you come and see?" Julie asked.

Kallie ran up and practically screamed in delight. "Emma! That looks so beautiful! James will _so_ fall for you!"

Julie winked at me. "Ok so, I'm assuming you want me to throw in what I used on your hair?"

Kallie and I both nodded.

"All you have to do is put in some mousse, dry it, straighten it, curl the ends, tease it at the root and hair spray it." It took her about 40 minutes. I could definitely get up an hour earlier everyday to look like _this_.

"Do you guys have a hair dryer, straightener or curler?"

I frowned. "We have a hair dryer but that's it."

"I will throw in a flat iron at full [rice but give you both the curlers at a discount. You will need two separate ones; a 2" for Emma and a 1" for Kallie." She said as she threw together our items.

I handed her the card and gave her a $40 cash tip.

"You are a miracle worker, Julie. Thank you _so_ much. We will definitely be back!" I said as we left the store.

"Have a great day, guys!"

Once we left the salon, Kallie and I looked at each other and squealed. We both touched each other's hair and then our own.

Kallie pulled me in for a hug. "Emma you look striking. Seriously, with that outfit and hairstyle? You look like a different person."

I held her tight, "You do too babe. You, in the course of one afternoon, have managed to age 10 years. You look mature, not the little girl who flew here on the plane this morning."

And as the sun began to set, we walked back home.

All of the boys were in the lobby when we got back to the Palm Woods.

Kallie elbowed me gently, "Don't say anything to them. See if they recognize us." I nodded. She took a small notebook and pen out of her purse, handed the small bag to me and walked up to them. I sat down on a nearby chair and opened a magazine, trying to conceal myself.

The boys, who had been sitting on some chairs talking, stopped and went silent as they stared.

"Excuse me, aren't you guys Big Time Rush?" She pitched her voice higher and held herself in a different way. The tight jeans accented her slim figure and the pumps she was wearing made her stand at about 5'6. _I_ barely recognized her; the boys had to be clueless.

Kendall stood up. "Yes. I'm Kendall and this is Carlos, James, and Logan." His eyes were wide as he took her in.

She suddenly held her hand to her chest and started fanning herself. "Oh my _gosh_! I am such a huge fan of you guys! Is there any way I could get an autograph from you?" She put on her puppy dog face and pouted slightly.

"Sure!" Kendall answered. She handed him the notebook and received everyone's autograph.

Kendall and Carlos were practically salivating; James and Logan were acting a bit more reserved. She then put her hand on Logan's shoulder.

"You were _always_ my favorite. Can I have a hug, please?"

"Um…Ok." He stood up slowly and hesitantly hugged her. She pressed her body up against him in a way that could have _potentially_ gotten us thrown out. His body stiffened and he tried to turn away, but she kept him in place. Her lips moved as she whispered something in his ear.

Suddenly he jumped back and shouted, "Kallie? _That's_ you?" His jaw dropped and the rest of the guys joined him.

Kendall approached her and raked his eyes up and down her body. "No way! You look…so grown up!"

She giggled, "It's me! So I take it you like?"

They all nodded their heads. Then James began looking around. "Where's Emma?" He asked.

Kallie turned her head in my general direction. "Emma?"

I put down the magazine and stood up.

I swayed my hips and walked towards them. "Yes my darling sister?"

"Emma…wow." James' voice went quiet. His eyes darkened over and he bit his lip. I walked up and gave him a hug.

"Do you like the hair and my new outfit?"

He seemed only capable of nodding.

I laughed and grabbed Kallie's arm. "It's 8:00. We should head back up. We will see you boys later tomorrow, ok?"

The boys all waved goodbye and stared at us. "Did you _really_ get their autographs?" I asked.

She nodded and handed me her notebook. "Mhmm!" Sure enough there were little signatures. Once back up at the apartment we split up the hair supplies and then headed to bed. I briefly tucked some things away in various drawers and cleaned up a little bit. I then crawled into the large bed.

The light blue and green sheets were cool against my skin and seemed to envelope me in calmness. The pillow immediately formed to the shape of my head and the bed imprinted my form into it.

Before I realized it, I was falling asleep and the darkness surrounded me and blocked out the world. I blissfully fell into it's comforting embrace.

**A/N: I am a little nervous about this chapter; I had a difficult time writing it and it feels kind of awkward and rushed to me. Please leave me a review telling me your opinion! I can't wait to post the next Chapter! *Whispers* Pssst, it's my favorite so far!**

**~Rose**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well hello again my lovely readers! Here is Chapter 9 and I am **_**incredibly**_** excited to hear your feedback on this one! I hope you are all having a great Tuesday night/Wednesday morning depending on what time zone you are reading this from(: Also, in case you haven't noticed, the rating on this story just got upped to M. Which means; more cursing, more graphic descriptions, and some lemons in later chapters. Enjoy!**

**I would like to give a big shout out and a hug to VanillaVanity! She has given me so much inspiration, ideas and suggestions for this story and I would love to say thank you!(: Also, check out her story **_**Never Have I Ever**_**. It is one of my favorites right now and I know you will not be disappointed in it! So please, when you're done here go check her story out :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush…or James *sigh*. No infringement intended.**

"_Emma." He said my name as if it were the revered title of a goddess; like it was a cherished, precious thing. His lips hovered mere centimeters above my own. They were slightly parted and his breathing was ragged. _

_I looked at him through my lashes. His hazel eyes were memorizing every inch of me and my reactions. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and the electricity surging through my veins. _

_I placed both of my hands on the back of his neck; he was wearing some simple tight fitting jeans and a teal v-neck. The shirt was incredibly soft and I fingered the hem as I pulled him towards me. He stretched out one of his toned arms so that his palm was resting face down offering as a support base, and he wrapped the other around my waist. _

_Once I was lying on the bed he placed his hands on my hips and slowly trailed his fingers down my jeans until he reached my thighs As he moved his way down, even through my jeans, every touch sent a flash of pleasure straight to my core. He gently, ever so gently, parted them and fit himself between my legs. I felt like I was on fire; his touch was light and erotic. His weight between my legs felt like it was supposed to be there. _

_His face was hovering a mere few centimeters above mine. His lips were slightly parted and his breathing was ragged. I looked up through my lashes to see his wide, hazel eyes observing every move my body made. He ran his palms up my sides and to my neck. My face was cradled in his left hand and I snuggled further into his touch._

_His thumb traced my cheeks and down to my lips. I suck and nipped at his thumb gently when he ran it over my bottom lip. I then drew his thumb into my mouth and ran my tongue up and down his skin. My cheeks hollowed when I sucked. _

_A slight moan escaped his lips and his other hand, which had moved to my waist, began fingering the silk hem of my teal and black blouse. I felt the warmth of his hand against my abdomen when he began to pull it up. I released his now wet thumb from my mouth with a light pop. _

_My eyes connected with his. I felt like I could see deep into the fiber of his being; he wanted this as much as I did. He then pulled my blouse up over my head and discarded it onto the floor. His hands then moved to cup my deep purple bra. He ran his fingers along the cups while gently palming me. _

_I arched my back into him and moaned out. "Oh, James."_

Suddenly a voice that didn't belong to James screamed out, "Emma!"

I was quickly snapped from my dream with a loud gasp.

_It was only a dream_.

"Get off of me you _bastard! _Emma, help me!" Kallie's voice was twisted and strained. I could hear tears thicken her voice. I jumped out of bed, hastily put on my glasses, threw open my door and ran to her room. I turned the brass doorknob quickly and rushed in, expecting to see an intruder.

What I saw, however, was far from my expectations. She was tangled in her comforter and her limbs were flailing around madly. Her cheeks were wet with her tears. I ran up and jumped onto the bed.

I placed my knees on either side of her and managed to get a hold of her wrists and pinned them above her head.

"Kallie! Kallie, hush you're having a bad dream. You're okay. I promise." I said into her ear. It didn't seem to reach her.

She was shrieking; as in absolutely shrieking at a deafening level. "Oh God, _no_! Please, anything but that! I swear I will obey you!"

Then, with a strength I hadn't seen before, she pulled her hands free from my grip, punched me in the stomach and threw me off of her small body. I landed against the wall with a hard _whump_.

The wind was knocked from me and I was pretty sure I was going to have a bruise tomorrow, but I didn't care. I just wanted her to wake up.

"Stop, Daddy please! Don't touch me _there_! Oh please don't do this, I will do anything!"

I stopped short. My limbs tightened up and I was frozen solid. I remembered what this was from.

I had been tied to a chair and forced to watch my father rape my sister. He stole her virginity at age 12. She screamed and cried out for me to help but no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't help her.

This memory haunted _both_ of us. I had taken on extra beatings in order to try and protect her, but we both eventually fell into the hot seat. He had raped me for the first time at age 10.

She cried out and screamed. Her body movements had become so violent that she fell off the bed and in the process, knocked over her nightstand which resulted in her hitting her head and making a mess all over the floor.

I had _never_ seen her this bad before. Tears streamed down my cheeks while I listened to my sister suffer in a memory that haunted her every moment of her life.

"Emma _please_ help me! Please!"

I approached her again but she kicked me in the ribs and I fell against her dresser, knocking _my_ head in the process. I had become our Father. She was going to fight me while she tried to get away. Her left arm suddenly swung up and came in contact with the wooden bed post.

_She's going to hurt herself._

I then stood up, grabbed her ankles and dragged her into the more spacious living room. She fought me and kicked me, but I was able to drag her out.

I was never rough on her before but this time she was going to need it. My hands snaked out and flipped her onto her stomach. I got onto her back, pinned down her legs with mine and held her wrists above her head.

Her sobs grew louder. "_No!_ Get _off_ of me! Please don't rape me, Daddy! I will do anything!"

I lowered my head beside hers and shouted, "Kallie! It's _not him!_ It's me, Emma! You're fine! Stop fighting me!"

I felt like I had her under control but then I heard someone _bang_ on our door. As in 'I'm going to knock this motherfucker down to get to you_' _kind of bang.

"Emma? Kallie? What's going on?" I heard Kendall shout.

I had asked Kallie to lock the door after I went to bed but, judging by the angle of the knob, she had forgotten.

I slightly loosened my grip on her hands and suddenly she had flipped me over onto my back. I quickly rose to my knees but she slapped me and swiped her nails down my arm. She drew blood.

I lurched forward and tackled her to the ground. Her head twitched and shook while the tears ran down her face. She gave me another kick in my leg and she held me down.

"_The damn door is open, get your asses in here _now!" I screamed at them. The door then burst open and in came all of the boys holding hockey sticks. Carlos had buckled down his helmet. Their clothes were wrinkled but they looked like they meant business.

When they saw the scene they all dropped their weapons and ran over to me. Kendall and James pulled Kallie off of me and restrained her on the floor. I immediately ran over to her.

She was still fighting the demons of her past. "Oh God it _hurts_! Please stop I don't want to do this! I don't want to do this! Emma! Emma oh _please_ help me! He's raping me and it hurts _so_ much!"

Everyone froze.

Logan squeaked. "W-What did she just say?" The look on his face was one of mortification and sadness. Everyone mirrored it.

"Kendall and James, do _not_ release your grip on her! Logan, go get a glass of cold water and Carlos, run to the bathroom and get a towel. _Now_!"

I began moving hair out of her face. I stroked her cheek and spoke to her. "Kallie, I'm right her. I will always be here. You are fine, do you hear me?"

She didn't. Her next sentence nailed me to the floor. "Emma you fucking _promised_ to protect me! I need you! I'm bleeding! It's so big and it hurts so much!"

I cried out as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. Carlos handed me a towel and Logan came up and handed me the glass of water. He also had a wet paper towel with him. I immediately emptied the icey contents all over my sister. James and Kendall were also splashed.

She abruptly stopped thrashing and hissed. Her eyes opened and she frantically looked around at all of us. Kendall had her arms pinned over her head and James was holding down her legs. As soon as the water hit her body a spasm went through her and she became still. They continued to hold her down until she opened her eyes. Then they released her quivering form.

"Emma? Emma what's going on?" She cried.

"You had a night terror. I couldn't wake you up without pouring water on you. I'm so sorry baby. You were out of control." I held her close to me as she shook. I looked at Kendall. "Is there any way you could go back to your apartment and make her a cup of tea and something to eat?" I asked, "We haven't gone grocery shopping and the stock here right now is minimal at best."

He nodded and stood up. "Yes, of course. Carlos, come with me; we will be right back."

Logan then handed me the paper towel. My eyebrows raised and he spoke, "it's for your arm. It's still bleeding a little bit."

"E-Emma, I…did that to you?" Kallie breathed silently. On my arm there were three marks that were bleeding. I immediately wiped the blood off.

I took a deep breath. "You hit me several times. Kallie why didn't you tell me you were suffering from this? I could have helped."

She let out a loud sob. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! It was _him_ Emma, it was him! I was trying to fight him off."

"Don't talk about it right now, baby. Sit on the couch and I will go grab you a blanket, ok?" I rubbed her arms as I spoke.

Logan interfered, "Where is the blanket? I can go get it for her."

"Thank you, it's on the foot of her bed. It's the purple one." I told him. Within a few minutes he returned and wrapped the blanket around Kallie.

"Emma? Can I talk to Kallie alone for a minute, please?" Logan asked, "That it, if it's alright with you." He held Kallie's hands in his as he spoke.

Kallie nodded and I did too.

"James? Come on we can sit in my room for a few minutes." I motioned to him. He nodded and walked beside me.

More tears fell down my cheeks.

Once the door to my room closed, James was right in front of me.

His eyes were livid and his features were animated. "What the _hell_ was that about? What's going on, Emma?"

I tried to come up with a quick lie, but I sighed in defeat and sunk to the floor. "I…James we had abusive parents. Kallie just had a night terror. We both suffer from PTSD and she had to re-live one of the hardest moments of her life. She goes through this all the time." I looked at my hands as the tears continued to stream down my cheeks and onto my hands.

He bent down and sat across from me. He placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head to meet his gaze. His features had softened and he didn't seem as mad. "What happened?"

A loud sob tore out of my mouth and into the air. "He, our Father, he…he tied me to a chair and raped Kallie in front of me."

And then everything I had been holding back, every regret and every shred of guilt came pouring out before James had time to speak.

"Oh God I _promised_ I would protect her! I swore to her, and when she needed me most I couldn't be there for her! He fucking _took her virginity in front of me when she was 12!_ She screamed and cried and bled right in front of me. She tried to fight back but he was much too strong for her. She was 12 James! 12!" I shouted at him. His face looked heartbroken.

He pulled me into his chest and let me cry. I sobbed, I screamed, I held him close. The tears soaked through his shirt.

"I can't get it out of my head, ever. No matter what I do. He beat her in front of me and I was powerless. He did that all the time. He would restrain one of us and beat the other. It was usually me being beaten and Kallie being restrained."

James stiffened and looked me in the eyes. "Emma, what did your father do to you?"

I shook like a leaf. "E-Everything, James."

James then cried out in rag and slammed his fist against the floor.

"He _raped_ you?" His voice was dripping with disgust.

_Is he disgusted with me?_ That thought sent shivers through my body.

I nodded. "Many times. I was…10 the first time it happened. I suffer from it like Kallie does." My voice dropped.

I could feel James shaking in rage. I looked up at him and placed my hands on his face.

"James? Say something. Please."

"That _son of a bitch!_" He literally screamed it. I flinched and he immediately apologized.

I buried myself deep into his embrace and cried. He picked me up at one point and we ended up on my bed. I curled up against his chest.

"Do…do you think I'm _filthy_ James? I wouldn't blame you it you did." A few more tears fell.

His hands gripped my abdomen tightly and he pulled me up so that we were both sitting cross legged across from each other.

"_Never_. Do you hear me? Never. It is _not_ your fault what he did to you. I will _never_ hold it against you." His voice was deathly serious. His face was set in stone and he had firm grips on my hands.

I nodded and dried my tears.

"Emma? Can you come here?" Kallie asked quietly from outside my door.

I sniffled and leveled my voice. "Of course." I grabbed James' hand and we both walked into the living room. Logan was sitting on the couch and Kallie was curled up in his arms. The blanket was tucked in between them. She was leaning against his shoulder and he was gently stroking her hair and murmuring into her ear.

"Emma? Are _you_ okay?" Kallie asked.

I sighed and sat on the couch adjacent to her. James never let go of my hand. Not once. I leaned back into him and took a deep breath.

"No. I'm not. Just like you're not. This is bringing up some old memories that I would much rather forget." I answered honestly.

She stared into my eyes. "Logan told me what I said. Emma you _couldn't _help me. You were tied up. Please don't ever blame yourself for what happened to me."

"I know. And I know we should be talking about this but I really don't want to. How about we just get some rest and try to start fresh tomorrow?" I asked.

She nodded. And, as if on cue, Kendall and Carlos walked in carrying two cups of tea and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Kendall handed me mine and Carlos handed Kallie hers.

"Thank you guys, for everything. We have never had true friends before and now I know what we have been missing out on. Please know that we will _always_ be grateful." I looked each of them in the eyes.

Kallie nodded, "I…I'm sorry," She was interrupted by a chorus of disagreement and encouragement but she held her hands up, "we have issues with this sometimes. We thank you for being here with us."

Logan hesitantly looked at me. "Emma? C-Can I stay with Kallie tonight? I won't do anything, I _swear_! I just want to-" I cut him off.

"Yes, Logan, absolutely. We have to be at Rocque Records by 8 tomorrow, though. Don't forget." He nodded and held Kallie closer.

I felt James squeeze my hand as if to ask the same question. I squeezed once back, and then I stood up and embraced Kendall into a hug.

His body was soft and comforting. He was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a black tank top and he smelled like he just stepped out of the shower. In a bold move I kissed his smooth cheek.

"Thank you so much for making this for us." I smiled.

"Please, Emma, it was the least I could do for you."

I also did the same with Carlos and thanked him for his help.

"Kendall? Carlos? Is it okay if James stays?" I asked outright.

They both nodded and, after saying goodbye to their friends and picking up the hockey sticks, left our apartment. I kissed Kallie goodnight and hugged Logan. Then, after getting Kallie's snack, they both went off into her room. I turned to James who was looking _incredibly_ sexy in a pair of black jogging pants and a red shirt.

He started to speak but I held my hand up. "James I know you have a lot of questions but…I just don't think I can answer them right now. Just be with me?" I asked.

He stood up, came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist before pulling me closer.

"Anything you want." His breath tickled my ear as he whispered to me.

His touch was even better than in my dream; it was addicting. He knew where to put his hands and what to do with them. These hands knew how to hold me right now. They were soft but firm. He held me close to him and I placed my face next to his.

My breathing had slowed and I was beginning to calm down, but, something I didn't expect happened.

I felt tears falling down his face.

I stepped back and looked at him. "James? Why are you crying?"

His voice was low. "Because of everything that has happened to you both. It's not fair, you guys don't deserve it. You have _no_ idea how mad I am that _he_ raped you and abused you. I want to be there for you. I want to be there for you _both_."

I was taken aback. "James. Thank you. That means so much right now." I couldn't really say anything else.

A tear fell down my cheek, but it was a tear of joy, of happiness.

I smiled and held his face in my hands. He pulled me close to him and I made a split decision.

I pulled him down to my level and kissed him. It was a supple kiss, but a kiss none the less.

His lips were incredibly soft on mine and, after a brief second, pressed himself to me leaned into the kiss. It was tender at first; our lips brushed against each other's and there was a graceful rhythm in which we moved. My body was flush against his and I could feel the warmth radiating from him through his clothes.

I parted my mouth and let out a shaky breath. His tongue then darted out and silently requested to enter; I granted his wish. His tongue slipped into my mouth and immediately found mine. They battled for dominance and suddenly the kiss turned from tender to passionate.

I tangled my hands in his hair and moved my tongue into his mouth. With a moan he moved his hands to my butt and squeezed gently. I yelped into the kiss and I could feel him smile. I pushed him backwards onto the couch and I straddled his lap.

My pajamas consisted of a dark purple and blue pair of cotton shorts with a pale pink tank top. He let out a moan and ran his hands up my back. He tasted amazing and he was an incredible kisser. Soft when needed but he was definitely a dominant personality in the bedroom.

He held my face and held me still as his tongue prodded deeper into my mouth. I gasped and moved my hands to his shoulders.

Our kiss was pure fire. The passion was almost tangible and it was dangerously hot.

I moaned.

_You need to stop._

I tried to silence the little voice of reason in my head, but I failed. I did need to stop before this got out of hand and we lost control.

I broke away and instantly missed the feeling of him.

"J-James we need to stop. I don't want to, believe me, but we do." My voice shook and trembled. My body did the same.

He nodded, "I'm-"

Before he spoke I laid a finger over his mouth. "You _better_ not apologize Mr. Diamond. I will smack you if you do. I needed that."

He smiled and set me next to him. "I did too. You should eat and then get some rest."

I picked up the ceramic cup of tea and inhaled deeply before taking a sip.

"Kendall got it _perfect_. There's enough honey but not too much. How did he know?" I looked at James.

He shrugged, "That's how he drinks it. I think he just assumed it would work for you and Kallie."

I nodded, "Kallie takes it the same way."

I quickly ate and put the dishes in the kitchen.

James came over and hugged me tightly. "I will see you tomorrow, ok? We don't have to see Gustavo tomorrow so call me the instant you are done." His voice was possessive.

I jumped back and grabbed his wrist. "No! Don't leave! You can't. Please stay with me tonight." I pouted.

I brought his body close to mine. "Please?" I whispered in his ear.

A shiver went down his spine. "Anything you want, beautiful."

I smiled and pulled him into my room. I turned the lights off and we snuggled under the blankets. I was curled into his chest and his arms were around me. I felt blissful despite everything that had happen. He was comfortable and warm.

I felt his chin rest gently on my head.

"James?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can you sing to me?" I felt childish for asking, but I had never been sung to sleep before and he seemed like the perfect person.

He laughed and changed his position a little bit so that his mouth was right beside my ear. And with a smile on my face and his voice in my ear, I returned to the darkness of sleep.

**A/N: Well well well? How did you like it? Please leave me a review telling me everything you did like, didn't like, want more of, want less of, would like to see change, or to offer up any ideas or suggestions! Seriously, guys, I read every review and I want to say thank you. Also, don't forget to check out VanillaVanity's story **_**Never Have I Ever**_**. It will be worth the read I'm telling you! **

**~Rose**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello everyone! I hope you are all having a lovely week!(: I now give you Chapter 10 of my little story and I hope you enjoy it. I apologize for any typos; I only scanned it so I could post it quickly. I will stop the babbling and I will see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

_*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*_

_You have to be kidding me. _

I groaned and shut off the annoying device which was sending shrill, cacophonous sounds through the air. The ice blue digits read 6:45 am. My room was dark; the curtains blocked out the rising sunlight. I could feel myself wrapped up in the cotton sheets and I never wanted to leave. I could stay here with James forever.

_James._

I rolled over but the bed was empty. His side was cold.

_He left me?_

I reached over to the bedside table and turned on the light. Sure enough he was not in the room. His side of the bed looked slept in, but no other signs of him were present.

"James?" I called out. Nothing.

Before allowing myself to freak out, I got up, put my glasses on and left the room. The apartment was dim; the curtains were closed and only a few lights were on.

I saw Logan and Kallie sitting at the small island in the kitchen; James was behind them madly scrambling around. I quietly sighed in relief. Kallie and Logan both had huge plates of food in front of them and James was putting something on a plate as well.

I walked up to everyone. "Good morning guys."

Everyone glanced up at me. I gave Kallie a kiss on the head. "You look better this morning. Did you two sleep okay?"

They both blushed.

Kallie smiled. "Yes. I feel better, honestly."

Logan put his hand on her leg and squeezed gently. "You slept really well. Just eat and we will get you guys to Rocque Records."

James suddenly turned around with a hot plate of food and set it in front of me with a smile. "I was _going_ to bring you breakfast in bed but Mr. Romantic over here, " He pointed to a blushing Logan, "Insisted that he do the same thing and grabbed the stove top before I could even blink."

I was speechless. The plate in front of me had waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast on it. There was also a little bowl of fruit and a cup of hot tea.

He winked and grinned as he pulled up a stool and sat next to me. "The tea will help your voice. There's extra honey in it."

I just stared.

He suddenly frowned, "Emma? Are you okay? Do you not like it? I can make something else."

I shook my head and smiled. "It's not that, it's just. No one has ever done this for me before. It's remarkable. Thank you so much!" My eyed widened and I reached over to grab his hand.

"You better help me though. There is _no_ way I can eat all of this!"

"You don't have to ask me twice." He grabbed a small piece of bacon and took a bite.

"Who's idea was this?" I asked.

"Well I wanted to make you something but it was Kendall who supplied all of the food and plates and whatnot. He also helped make some of it."

I looked around. "Where is he?" I had every intention of hugging the stuffing out of him.

Logan took a drink of orange juice and responded, "He just went back into the apartment to change. He said he would be back in a few minutes."

"Yeah and where's Carlos?" Kallie asked.

James laughed. "He's still sleeping, I guess. Kendall said he told him we were going to be over here but he just passed out again."

"He usually wouldn't miss out on food though." Logan thought aloud.

"Speaking of this food from the gods; try the waffles, Emma. They're sooo yummy! Whoever made them added chocolate chips and you can taste the vanilla." Kallie moaned.

"Hey James and Kendall made the batter, but it was my idea to add the chocolate chips!  
>Logan said.<p>

James nodded, "He's right."

Kallie gave him a kiss on the cheek, earning a respective blush. He whispered something in her ear and Kallie giggled. Suddenly the front door opened and in walked Kendall.

Kallie and I immediately ran up to him and gave him a huge hug. He wrapped his arms around us both and laughed. "Not that I don't love getting hugs from beautiful girls but what did I do to deserve this pleasure?"

Kallie stared at him. "You helped James and Logan make us breakfast."

I chipped in, "And you supplied the plates and stuff."

Then we both gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and walked back to the island.

James stared. "He gets a kiss and I get a squeeze on the hand?" He looked hurt.

I leaned into him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "I would thank you with a kiss like last night, but I don't think that's appropriate here." I winked at him.

He smiled and took a waffle. "I am going to go get changed as well, I will be back in a few minutes ok? Enjoy your food." He kissed me on the head and walked out of the room.

Logan looked at Kendall when James left. "I can't believe what's gotten into him."

Kendall plopped down onto the couch and flipped the TV on. "Me either dude."

"Um, excuse me? I am right here, ya know. I can hear what you're saying." My tone was annoyed.

"He's just…different since he met you. Less selfless and more..."Kendall struggled for the right word.

"Protective?" Logan suggested. Kendall snapped his fingers and pointed to Logan.

"That's it."

Kallie looked at both of them. "What do you mean?"

"Well…I mean you've seen him. He's a total pretty boy. He's usually wrapped up in himself but…not since he met you." Kendall responded.

I pushed some food around my plate. "I mean he's gorgeous but he's really sweet too."

Logan got up and began rinsing his plate off, "He does have quite the compassionate side too. It just comes out at random times."

Kallie handed her plate to Logan and then kissed his cheek again. "Can you come to my room for a second? I want to talk to you about something." She sounded a little nervous.

"Of course." Logan immediately put down the plates, wrapped his arm around her waist and walked with her to her room. The door shut firmly.

I took my plate and sat on the couch beside Logan. "Can I ask you something?" I asked between bites of toast.

He muted the TV and turned to me. "Yeah, definitely. What's up?"

I swallowed. "I…I don't quite know how to phrase this but, James obviously could get any girl he wanted. And I'm sure there's been no shortage of them in the past. Am I the same thing to him? Just," I took a deep breath, "A toy?"

I dreaded hearing the answer I was sure would come.

Kendall immediately answered, "No. No he acts differently around you. And I'm not just saying that. Do you think he would give up his precious morning prep time to make you breakfast if you were just some girl? The answer is no."

My heart soared and I smiled.

"You really like him don't you?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yes. Although I'm scared. I've never been with anyone before. Our past…well you saw what the results were last night. I'm terrified that I will screw this up or…I don't know." I pushed around my eggs before slowly eating them.

"Then tell him that. Sit down and just lay everything out for him."

"But I'm worried I will scare him off. You have no idea how fucked up we are, Kendall. You really don't. Our past catches up to us at the worst times and I honestly don't know if James can handle it."

He picked up the plate off of my lap and placed it on the floor before pulling me into a hug. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Emma, don't worry about that. James can handle quite a bit, you would be surprised. And judging by the way he's acting around you now, he will put up with it to be with you and help you." He murmured.

"But for today? Don't worry about that. At all. Just go and rock Gustavo's socks off. I will take care of your plate if you're done eating and I will try to do a little bit of grocery shopping for you guys today."

I stood up and squeezed him tightly. "Thank you so much, Kendall. For everything." I kissed him on the cheek and walked into my bedroom. I threw my hair back into a loose ponytail, popped in my contacts and added some eyeliner and mascara. I grabbed a teal and black laced skirt, a black tank top and some dark flats. I ran a brush through my hair and liked the way it looked; straight, slipped at the ends and sexy. I decided to go heavy on the eyeliner and mascara.

Once I was done I sprayed on some perfume, grabbed my purse and walked out of my room.

"Kallie? Are you ready? It's 7:40." I called out.

I saw her sitting on the couch snuggled up with Logan.

_Damn they make a cute couple_.

She was wearing a navy blue cotton sundress and was lying against Logan's chest. Her head was on his shoulder and their hands were laced.

James was leaning against the island while flipping through some magazine. As soon as he saw me he discarded the magazine and ran his eyes over my body. I walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek.

He dipped his head and murmured to me, "Are you trying to kill me?"

I winked. "I could ask you the same question, Pretty Boy."

He was wearing a pair of jeans, a button up black shirt and his hair was immaculate. He also smelled heavenly.

Kendall was also sitting in the living room. He smiled at me when I caught his eye and I returned it.

"So still no Carlos?" I asked.

Kendall laughed. "Nope. He wants to sleep; but when he wakes up he will feel bad about it. Don't worry."

Kallie sat up and grabbed Logan's hand. "You said you were going to drive us?"

He nodded and swung his car keys around his index finger.

"Kendall are you coming?" I asked.

He got up off of the couch and walked over. "Well I think it would be awkward if I just sat here watching TV so…yeah."

We all set off down the stairs and hopped into Logan's car. Once we got to Rocque Records we said our temporary goodbyes and headed in.

Gustavo smiled when he saw us. "Well look who's here…5 minutes early." He said, quickly checking his watch.

"Today girls we are going to start working on a few songs. I want you to head into the sound booth over there and we will get started."

Over the next 4 hours we sang our hearts out. Kallie definitely laid down all her cards on the table and gave Gustavo everything she had. Kelly looked blown away but Gustavo hid his emotions and kept the praise to a minimum.

"Ok Emma I want you to do something for me." Gustavo asked.

I nodded.

"I want you to sing the last line of the chorus but belt it. I want to see what your voice can do and I want you to give me your all."

Kallie silently elbowed me in the ribs and winked at me. I glanced at the lyrics sheet and began to sing the last line. Once I reached the last word my voice shot through the ceiling and I added in all the soul I could.

Growing up Kallie had always remarked about how deep my voice was. More than once she joked that I had a black woman's voice in my white girl body.

I gently came back down before silencing my voice. I turned to Kallie who gave me a thumbs up and looked proud.

I glanced at Kelly who had dropped her jaw and Gustavo who had wide eyes and was leaning forward in his chair.

"Wow. Why didn't you tell us you had that kind of range? I want you guys to go through that again but let's try something different. Kallie I want you to be the dominant voice. Emma I want you to lace her voice with yours." He gave us various instructions and when we sang it again he smiled at us.

"There we go. Now I want you guys to go back to your apartment and get some rest. I have to work with the boys tomorrow but I want to see you guys on Monday morning, ok? We're going to practice that one some more and, once we add a dance to it we are going to show it to Griffin. He wants to do something different with you guys and we will get more instruction from him."

We both walked out of the booth and grabbed our bags.

"Have a good week girls!" Kelly waved. We returned the gesture and left the studio.

"Emma your voice at the end was amazing. Honestly I've never heard you sing like that before. I really think he was impressed!" She smiled.

"Your voice wasn't tame either my dear sister." I winked at her and we began walking down the stairwell.

"So tell me everything that's going on with you and Logan." I said.

She instantly blushed. "I like him…a lot. And I figured after last night he would be scared off but…he wasn't, Emma. When you and James went back into your room I broke down and told him everything about that night. He was livid but he wasn't disgusted with me. He told me that he really liked me and that he will never give up and will do everything to help me and protect me.

"He kissed me, Emma. And it was the greatest thing ever. He was so sweet with me. Once we went back to my room he wrapped me up in a blanket and held me. He just held me all night."

Her eyes were dancing and there was color in her cheeks. "He mentioned something about being on and off with a girl named Camille but they permanently broke up a few months back and he wanted to take me out to dinner sometime."

Kallie wore a smile that I've never seen before.

"What about you and James?" She asked.

I was going to tell her but we reached the bottom of the stairwell and once we walked out, _all_ of the boys rushed up to us.

"Hey guys I'm sorry that I wasn't around this morning!" Carlos said as he gave us both a quick hug.

"It's fine. From the sound of it you needed your sleep." Kallie laughed.

Logan stepped by Kallie. "How was it, guys?"

"Our voices are tired but, other than that, Emma here nearly blew Gustavo out of his seat." She smiled at me.

"Oh really? How?" James asked. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him.

I looked up at him. "I showed him my range and how soulful my voice can be. I don't think he was expecting it."

Kendall stepped in, "Good job! I want to hear that, you know. But we did some grocery shopping and bought you guys some silverware and dishes. It's not a lot but it's enough."

"Oh thank you guys but you didn't have to! We could have done it!" I insisted.

Carlos shook his head. "Well now you guys have an apartment full of junk food."

"I did manage to get _some_ healthy stuff thrown into the cart before they over filled it with cookies." Logan beamed.

"Too bad we can't go back to the grocery store though." Kendall sighed.

My eyes popped, "What?"

"Well Carlos here bet James that he could do a wheelie on the cart….when it was full. And he knocked over a huge display and…long story short we got kicked out." Logan said.

Carlos looked down, "But they took our money first."

"Hey at least we actually got the groceries!" James smiled.

Kallie snorted, "Can't you guys ever _behave_?"

They all looked at each other.

"Nope."

We all headed back to the Palm Woods and into our apartment.

I walked over to the fridge to see what all they had purchased and my jaw hit the floor. "How much did you guys _spend_?" I shrieked.

The fridge was packed, and I mean _packed_ with food. Junk food, healthy food, every freaking kind of food.

"You have to be kidding me." I muttered.

I felt James walk up beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry about it, honestly."

I looked up at him and began to protest but, before anyone could see, he gave me a quick kiss on the lips and smiled.

"You're in trouble you know." I grinned.

His smile disappeared. "For what?"

"For making a bet with Carlos and getting thrown out of the store." I flicked his nose and then went into the living room where the TV was turned on to some sports channel. Within 2 minutes they were all hypnotically staring at the screen.

Kallie sighed. "Are you kidding me? Do you guys _ever_ watch anything else?"

She was shushed by Carlos and Kendall who looked like they were getting ready to jump.

Suddenly a buzzer sounded and _all_ of them jumped into the air and screamed.

Carlos gave Logan a high five and Kendall just shouted at the screen.

"Um, Emma? Can I see you in my room for a minute?" Kallie yanked me off the couch and literally pushed me into her room.

"I am going to put on the sexiest, tiniest bathing suit I can find and I am going to go down to the pool. Would you care to join me?" She asked.

"Sure but…how are you doing by the water? I mean you never set foot into it but you didn't avoid it either." I asked.

She sat down and fluffed up a pillow. "Honestly? It still scares the shit out of me. But I know that I will be fine so I'm trying to calm down. I still don't want to go in yet though."

I tilted her chin up to face me. "Hey it's okay. No one is making you. I just want to know if we should limit our visits."

She shook her head. "No, I need to just suck it up and get over it. Besides I got a nice tan the other day and I would like to lay out again."

She stood up and pulled the dress up over her head.

"I will get changed and I will see you in a few minutes, ok?" I got up and put my hand on the door.

"Sure sounds good."

I closed her door just in time for the guys to all shout again. In a move that could have probably gotten me killed, I walked over to the couch, wrenched the remote out of Carlos' hands and turned off the TV.

"EMMA!" They all shouted.

I put my hands up. "I _don't_ want to hear it, okay? Kallie and I are going to head down to the pool. If you want to come then go get changed." I walked out of the living room and into my bedroom.

_Kallie has to be lying_.

We both had punishments that were picked out especially for us. Since she was young Kallie had had an aversion to the water and my Mother and Father took that to their advantage. Starting at a young age they would hold her head under water for extended periods of time. Never enough to drown her…just enough to make her lungs burn.

She was doing well with getting over it but I knew there were still times where she had issues. She never went to the beach and she avoided any deep sources of water.

I stripped and put on a bright orange and yellow bikini with dark pink trim. I tied my hair into a ponytail and stepped into a cover up. Once a pair of black sandals were on my feet I grabbed my purse and a small bottle of sunscreen.

Kallie was getting a bottle of water out of the fridge and I help up two fingers. She grabbed one for me too.

Kendall was back in a pair of black swim trunks and a shiny graphic t-shirt. "Where are the rest of the guys?" I asked.

He laughed. "Coming. There was a slight mix up in the laundry and they are _trying_ to sort it out."

"Emphasis on the 'trying'?" I asked.

He nodded. "Oh yeah."

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Thank you again for doing all of this for us."

He squeezed my waist and kissed me on the cheek. "No problem. Seriously." His green eyes shimmered as he smiled.

The door then opened to reveal three arguing boys.

"I told you not to mix the loads!" Logan slapped his hand to his forehead.

Carlos squirmed. "I'm sorry! I didn't think anything would happen!"

James shot him an icy stare. "_Three of my shirts are now pink and not to mention my favorite boxers!_"

"Yeah and my button up dress shirt is also stained!" Logan shouted.

Carlos held his hands up. "I'm sorry!"

Kallie looked at me and we began laughing hysterically.

We headed down to the pool and we settled into chairs. It was cool today and, again, there seemed to be a lack of people by the pool.

Carlos and Kendall immediately stripped out of their shirts and jumped in. I, meanwhile, leaned into my plush chair and watched them play. After a good hour or so of them goofing off they walked out of the pool, whispered something to Logan, and approached a sleeping Kallie. In one quick motion they picked her up and walked to the edge of the pool.

I stood up and ran over to them. "Guys! _Don't!"_ I screamed. But it was too late. Kallie, who was now _wide_ awake, was screaming and shouting.

Her protests stopped, however, when they swung her back and into the pool. Kallie made eye contact with me and her eyes were wide with panic.

_No!_

**A/N: Please review my wonderful readers! I am super anxious to get your feedback on this one! :D**

**~Rose**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I hope all of you have had an amazing week! It is officially Friday where I am at so I present you with your Super-Special Friday Surprise! I would like to thank VanillaVanity who is keeping me inspired and sane. I love you girl! Now, just a little warning: there is a lemon at the end of this chapter. I have **_**never**_** written one before and I am super excited (and nervous) to post it! Please enjoy and, once again, overlook any typos or mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No infringement intended**

I screamed.

"_No!"_

Her small body flew up into the air and crashed down into the blue water. I ran to the edge of the pool but Carlos grabbed my shoulder. "Chill, Emma she just looked a little _hot_ and needed to cool down." He laughed.

Without thinking, I turned to face him and slapped him across the face.

"She's _terrified_ of the water!"

I jumped into the pool. The cool water tingled my skin as it rushed past me. I kept my eyes closed and reached out and grabbed Kallie's arm.

She wasn't moving; she was just frozen. I pulled her up above the water and opened my eyes. Hers were shut tightly and she was trembling. But not screaming, not shouting, not making any sort of noise…just shaking.

As soon as I broke the surface Logan jumped in and helped me bring her to the stairs. He placed her on the cement and I lightly touched her cheek.

"Kallie? Kallie are you okay?" I asked.

Kendall, James and Carlos were standing over us.

All of a sudden her eyes flew open and she bolted upright into Logan's arms.

I pushed her hair out of her face. "Kallie? Baby I need you to say something."

She looked at me. "I-I was there. I'm sorry. I thought I could handle it." She looked off into a world that none of us had been granted access to.

A single tear fell down her cheek as she clung onto Logan.

"Kallie, it's _not_ your fault. Just relax, okay? We will get you warmed up." I kissed her cheek gently.

I turned to the guys watching. "Please can one of you get me a towel?" I asked.

They all ran to get some. "L-Logan?" Her voice shook.

"What is it, Kallie?" He asked in a gentle voice.

"D-Don't l-let go. Please." She buried her head into his shoulder. He ran his hands up her back and pulled her to him.

"Never."

James, Kendall and Carlos returned and handed me a multitude of fluffy towels. I began to wrap them around Kallie and Logan. I finally saved one for myself.

"Logan? Can you take her back up to our apartment?" I grabbed Kallie's purse. "Her key is in there."

He nodded, "Sure thing, Emma."

Then, with Kallie in Logan's arms, they went back into the Palm Woods.

I approached Carlos, who's cheek was still red. "I…I am _so_ sorry, Carlos. Honestly. I shouldn't have acted out like that. Please forgive me?" I asked.

Despite me being wet, he pulled me into a hug. "Don't worry about it. I probably would have reacted the same way. Emma, _we're_ sorry. We had no idea, honestly."

I squeezed him gently. "I know."

We pulled apart and James spoke, "Why is she afraid of water?"

I thought for a minute how I wanted to phrase what I wanted to say. "She was…held under water for extended periods of time as a punishment when she was younger."

They all look horrified.

Kendall spoke first, "Are you _serious_?" I nodded. He looked at the ground. "Damn."

Carlos looked worse. "And we _threw_ her into a pool? Man…"

James gently draped a towel around me and rubbed my arms. "Should we head back to their apartment?" He addressed the guys.

They nodded and, after I grabbed my purse, we walked back into the lobby. The cold air slammed against my skin and seemed to turn the droplets on my body to ice. A shiver rolled down my spine.

I snuggled a little closer to James and shivered again. We took the stairs up to our floor and stopped at our doors.

"Hey Emma we will be right over; we're going to get changed." Kendall said as he and Carlos went into their apartment.

I looked up at the man standing beside me. "James why don't you go change too? Your shirt is wet. You can't be comfortable."

"I will be right back, ok?" He kissed me on the top of my head and followed Carlos and Kendall.

_Damn. _

I hadn't had two seconds to myself over the past day. I was exhausted. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor.

_How can so much happen in less than 48 hours?_

I rested my head against the wall and let out the breath that I had been holding since yesterday morning. I just wanted to clear my mind.

_Better start with that dream about James._

I immediately blushed. That dream was…something else. Part of me wished I could have finished it; just to see what would happen.

_Which brings us to another topic here; Mr. Diamond._

I groaned. I liked him…a lot. But I didn't know what would happen. Kendall helped ease my fears but, like today at the pool, things can catch up with us at the worst times.

_And how much longer will it be until they find you?_

No. No that wasn't going to happen. There was no way that was going to happen; they had no idea where we were. No idea whatsoever.

_But…_

…but nothing. I am not going to live in fear of them anymore. It's just not going to happen.

I stood up and entered our apartment. The shower was running, the TV was turned on to QTV and Logan was making an early dinner. I put all of my stuff down at the door and grabbed my towel and began drying my hair.

I glanced at the television and sat down at the island. "You don't really strike me as a tanzanite man. You seem more like you would be into emeralds." I winked at him.

He laughed. "I do love green. But Kallie wanted that on for some random noise in the background."

"How is she?" I asked.

"Okay I guess. She was really shaken up but…she won't tell me why she's afraid of the water. I asked but she tensed up and asked me to drop it." He looked at me seriously, "Why is she afraid? What happened to her?"

I stood up and walked to the now packed fridge. I grabbed some iced tea and sat down. "If she didn't tell you she may not want you to know. Kallie doesn't like other people seeing her weak."

Logan was bent over the stove pouring milk into a saucepan.

"I know she does but I want to know. I may be out of place here but I'm not going to let it drop."

I sighed, "I know you do, Logan, I know you do. She…okay fine. When we were younger we both had punishments suited to each of us. One of hers was being held underwater in our bathtub for extended periods of time. They would let her breathe and then do it again. Sometimes for hours." Tears pricked my eyes.

I could see Logan tense up. He slammed his fist into the counter. "I can't believe I helped throw her into the pool."

I walked up to him and put my hand on his back. "Logan, listen to me. You had no idea, okay? Honestly. You are the best thing that has ever happened to her; don't feel guilty about this."

He backed into the counter and looked at me. "Do you really mean that?"

I nodded. "Yes I do. She really likes you Logan and you're perfect for her."

A smile danced across his face. "I've only known her for what? A day and a half? I'm already head over heels for her. She is everything I could want and I just…I feel so bad about what happened to her. I want to protect her but how am I supposed to do that when I don't know what to protect her from?"

"We aren't going to tell you guys everything right now. We can't. We're not strong enough; honestly. I seem to remember a new memory every day and each is harder than the last. Protect her from her memories, just be with her and comfort her."

"She said one of her favorite meals was biscuits and gravy; she rattled off how to make it but I only got the part about boiling milk."

I laughed, "Well you're supposed to do that _after_ you put in sausage. Here, how many pans did you guys get earlier?"

"About 4."

"Okay grab another pan and bring it out." I walked to the fridge and looked for sausage. "Did you guys get any sausage?"

He nodded, "Yeah of course. It's in there somewhere."

I soon spotted it and brought it out. "Okay, the first thing you have to do is cook about half of this."

I cut the roll of meat in half and placed it in the pan. I then grabbed a wooden spatula. "You have to cut it up into smaller pieces though." I cut apart the pieces of meat and allowed them to cook.

"How much stuff did you guys get?" I asked.

"Kendall's mom gave us a list of things you would absolutely need; she also gave you guys some of her pans that she didn't really like. She said that she would take you and Kallie out to get some more things whenever you want to."

"I…wow. That's so nice of her." I was at a loss for words. There were some cups, some plates, bowls, and silverware in the various cupboards.

Logan poked the sausage in the pan. "It looks cooked; now what?"

"Now you need to take a paper towel and soak up all of the extra grease that you can." I showed him what to do.

"_Now_ you add the milk." He followed my instructions and poured the liquid into the pan.

"Did you guys get cornstarch?" I asked.

"That was on the list Kendall's mom gave us so yeah I think so." He stirred the pan.

"Now you take a small cup or bowl and add some water to the cornstarch. Then pour it into the pan. It thickens up the gravy."

He nodded, soaking in every word I said.

I grabbed some salt and pepper and added a generous amount of both. "This adds some flavoring as well."

Logan looked at me, "We got some biscuits, I'm assuming you just bake those and pour this over it?"

I patted his head, "Very good young grasshopper. Just make sure this doesn't overflow and add cornstarch as you need it; but don't add too much. I'm going to take a shower. Will you be okay by yourself?"

He nodded, "I think I can handle it from here. But, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"W-What's Kallie's favorite type of gemstone?" He asked cautiously.

I thought a minute before answering, "She _adores_ a rich Jade. She's been in love with it since she first saw it." I took a small pen and piece of paper out of my purse and wrote it down for him. "We used to watch all kinds of jewelry selling programs; we just wished though."

"What's your favorite gemstone?" He asked. I was a little taken aback by his question.

"Me? I love a bright Ammolite." I sighed a longing sigh.

He hesitated before asking, "Can you write that down too?"

I scribbled the name down and handed him the paper. He folded it and put it in his pocket. "Thanks, Emma!"

I smiled and, after grabbing my things, walked into my bedroom. Kallie had finished her shower a few minutes ago and now it was my turn to hop in. I stripped and got in.

The warm water felt refreshing as it banished the sweat and stress from my body. I washed the chlorine from my hair and from my skin. When I stepped out I felt _so_ much more relaxed and…_human_ again. I wrapped my hair up into a towel and opened the bathroom door.

_It feels like the arctic tundra in here. _

Some light pajamas were waiting for my attention and I happily obliged. I snuggled into some light pink sweatpants and a black tank top. Once my thick, black rimmed glasses were on my face, I walked out into the living room; and the noise emanating from it.

I walked out to see the boys sitting on our couch watching-what else?-sports. More specifically, hockey.

They were all entranced by the screen before them. I walked over to Kallie who was sitting at the island eating. Looks like Logan did a great job after I left.

"Can you believe them?" She asked as I sat beside her.

"No. I will _never_ understand the fascination with sports. _Ever_. How are you doing?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I was a mess at first but I only cried a little bit. Logan was…amazing to me. I've never seen someone apologize like that before. He's so gentle and patient with me."

"So you're okay?" I asked again.

"Yes. I mean…the memories came back but I blocked them out. I still freaked though." She looked down.

"Damn it, Emma, why can't _you_ have a nervous breakdown? Why is it just me?" She stuck her tongue out at me and poked my shoulder.

"I'm sure that day will come, little sister. I'm sure that day will come." I laughed.

She pointed her spoon at the stovetop. "Go get some biscuits and gravy; Logan made some more when everyone came over so there's plenty left."

I did as she suggested and got a bowl and ate. "How long have they been watching that?" I asked, grabbing my iced tea from earlier.

"Well, as soon as Carlos walked in he shouted some team names to Logan and turned on the TV. So…awhile."

"They're crazy." I shook my head.

Kallie smiled at me. "Sooo, James talked to me about you." She said as her voice rose.

I couldn't stop the blush from creeping up on my cheeks. "About what?" I took a drink of tea to try and cool the heat in my face.

"Well," She got really close to me, "He wanted to know if you liked it from behind and how hard."

I spit my tea across the table and choked. "K-Kall…" My breathing was ragged and I suddenly felt someone hitting my back. It was James.

"Breathe, Emma, just breathe." The rest of the guys were watching as well.

Kallie was roaring. Once I caught my breath I glared at Kallie.

"You _slut!" _I shrieked at her as I lunged out of my seat and knocked her onto the floor. She landed on her back but rolled so that she was on top.

"You're just mad because it's a huge _yes_ to both of those questions!" She laughed. I flipped her over and tickled her ribcage.

"How do you like them apples?" I shouted with a wicked grin on my face.

She couldn't breathe. When she could speak she choked out, "I…sorry…I…give up!"

I loosened my grip on her and in one quick movement she turned me onto my stomach and slapped my butt. "I _never_ give up!" So roared triumphantly.

All of the guys were just watching us intently. Carlos was grinning like a fool, James raised an eyebrow and laughed, Logan just stared and Kendall was laughing hysterically.

I raised my back and flipped her off of me. I then straddled her waist and pinned her arms above her head.

"You're just trying to embarrass me to get even!" I laughed.

She looked at me, "Even for what?" She was serious.

"You're trying to make me feel what you did when _Carlitos_ over there picked up your little, lacey thong instead of _Logan_!"

She pounced up and knocked me to the floor. "_You're _the one who bought that bright red thong to impress James in bed!"

I glanced over at the boys; Carlos and Logan were blushing from earlier and now that luscious scarlet color was staining James' cheeks as well. His eyes were also dark.

_Oh this was on._

I shoved her off of me and ran over to the couch where I grabbed a cushion and smacked her over the head.

Her mouth formed a surprised _'oh'_ and her hair was messed up. Her eyes shone and, with a wicked smirk, she grabbed another couch cushion and hit me with it.

Carlos and James suddenly ran off down the hallway and emerged with pillows. Once Kendall and Logan saw their souvenirs, they ran to get some.

Kallie and I were on our knees smacking each other repeatedly. I was laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes; Kallie seemed the same way.

I then felt a pair of arms around my waist, holding me in place, and someone tickling my stomach. I squealed and kicked. Kallie seemed bolted to the floor as she watched the scene before her. I looked down to see Carlos' tan arms holding me in place and James mercilessly tickling me.

"J-James!" I gasped.

He winked at me and then, grabbing his pillow, turned and smacked Kallie so hard she fell to the floor. Carlos and I grabbed our objects and jumped onto James and hit him.

Kallie then joined in on the pile. At this point Kendall had joined in and Logan was hitting Carlos.

Kendall looked at me and shouted, "Pile on Emma!"

And suddenly everyone jumped on me. James began tickling me again and I hit Logan in the stomach with my pillow. Kallie and Carlos were hitting Kendall who was hitting James.

When James was distracted I flipped him on his back and pounced onto him. Logan picked up Kallie and swung her over his shoulder. He spun around in a circle while Kendall and Carlos swung their feathery missiles at both Logan and my sister.

While they were preoccupied, I straddled James and, in a bold move, ground my hips against James and pressed my core to his. I gasped outright.

_He's huge._

And he couldn't be _that_ hard either. I could _clearly_ feel him through his sweatpants.

He flipped me over and settled between my legs. He then bent down and whispered in my ear, "Did you feel something you want?" His breath sent shivers down my spine.

With a wink he pressed his lower half into mine. I grabbed his wrist tightly and moaned. I bucked my hips forward into him. He let out a low hiss and looked me in the eyes. His were black.

With a loud battle cry Kallie jumped beside James and hit him over the head with a white couch cushion.

Because he was lying between my legs my knee was caught under him when he fell to the side. I wrenched it out from underneath him and screamed when he caught my ankle. Kallie slapped his ass; _hard_ by the sound of it and he let out a surprised gasp/moan.

_I'll have to remember that._

He released my ankle and I wriggled away from him. Once I was on my feet I ran over to Kallie and motioned to Kendall. With a wink, our plan was set. We both grabbed pillows, ran and then jumped onto him. We tackled him to the ground and smacked him with our pillows. I tickled him and he arched his back off the floor and I fell onto my back.

Carlos hit me in the stomach and then, in return, Logan hit him in the head. I jumped up and knocked the Latino boy to the floor. After hitting him in the stomach and shouted, "How do you like it?"

With a mile wide smile on my face I ran back over to James, who was now walking towards us.

He wrapped his arms around me in an iron grip and swung me around. When we made a complete 360 degree turn, Kendall and Logan assumed a battle position, pillows ready to fire.

They whacked me repeatedly until Kallie and Carlos came to my rescue. Kallie took down Logan and Carlos took down. I turned around in James' arms and tackled him to the ground. I straddled him yet again, but this time I laced my hands with his.

He smiled and thrust his hips up as I thrust mine down.

I gasped and squeezed his hands. He squeezed back. His gorgeous locks were tousled and out of place, his eyes were dark and wide, his smile was beaming and his breathing was ragged.

_Damn._

I smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

And then, like last time, Kallie pounced from out of nowhere and tackled me off of James. I looked up at her and she winked at me and leaned down so that her mouth was beside my ear.

"You're lucky it's just me watching you guys. If you want to dry hump him then get a room." She laughed. I sat up and James lifted me to my feet. Carlos and Logan were wailing on Kendall and Kallie was leaning against the wall catching her breath.

I walked over to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water, and walked back over to the boys on the ground. I shook some water onto them and they immediately stared at me.

"Come on guys, help us put our living room back together." I laughed. They helped each other up and together we all cleaned out apartment. Logan even did the dishes for us.

I gave everyone a bottle of water and we all stood by the island.

Kendall spoke first, "Well I think I am going to head back to our place; Carlos wanna come with?"

Carlos nodded.

I gave them both hugs. "And Carlos? I am sorry about slapping you." He squeezed my shoulder, "Don't worry about it."

I thanked them both and they left. Kallie kissed me goodnight and she and Logan headed back to her room. I turned to James.

He was leaning against the island. I walked up to him and put my hands on his waist and my head on his shoulder. I could feel him angling his hips away from me. I smirked and put my hand on his lower abdomen.

"Everything okay?" I asked through my lashes.

He groaned and picked me up bridal style. We walked back to my room and he placed me on my bed. He then stood at the foot of my bed. He had finger combed his hair back into place and his black tank showed his muscles very nicely.

I looked down to see his…_problem_. I could see him standing at attention through the cotton of his pants. I sat on my knees and pulled him down in a heated kiss. Our tongues battled and his hands ran up my sides. I shivered and moaned into the kiss.

I pulled him down between my legs and I laid back on the pillows. I spread my legs for him and he wasted no time pressing into me. I gasped and jerked my head back. His lips trailed down my neck and he began licking and sucking on my neck.

His hands were on my hips and he was holding me still. One of my hands was wrapped in his hair and the other was on his lower back. My body was on fire; every finger tip and every toe was burning in anticipation. He rolled his hips into mine and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I could feel his hardness pressing into my softness and I gently cried out. He rubbed against my sensitive core and I rubbed back. Our breathing became more ragged and we both moved faster. I could feel a light orgasm building as he rammed my hips back onto him.

He crashed his lips into mine in a bruising kiss; it was forceful and greatly needed. I closed my eyes and let James touch my most private places. I tugged on his hair and pressed my nails into his back; I was close. I never knew I could be this close from just dry humping someone; I thought it took full blown sex.

I loved this; it was intimate, obviously, but not…sex. I wasn't sure if I could handle that yet.

James moved back and met my eyes. His hazel orbs were wide. I could see them shimmering and I could see myself in them. Suddenly I felt a jolt of pleasure shoot through me. I began tightening up slightly and I ran my hands down his back.

"J-James..." My voice trembled. He knew that I was close.

"How much do you trust me?" He asked.

I looked at him. "I would trust you with my life."

He nodded and kept his eyes locked on mine. "Stay with me, okay?"

He pulled away and I immediately cried out at the loss of pressure. Then I felt James slip his hand through the elastic of my sweatpants and dip down into my panties.

"James!" The feeling of his skin against mine…_there_ sent shockwaves through me.

"Spread your legs wider." He commanded.

I did as I was told and he began furiously rubbing his hand against me.

I grabbed his shoulders and opened my mouth. His other hand spread me apart.

He gently pinched my sensitive nub between his fingers and my back arched off of the bed and flush against him.

He then took two fingers and began rubbing again. I didn't even know it was possible for someone to move their hand that fast. I looked to the ceiling and began to shake.

James' voice was thick with lust, "Look at me. I want to watch you."

I nodded and kept eye contact with him. My toes curled and my breath was shaky.

_I was so close._

Suddenly something began to tighten and my eyes went wide.

"James." My voice was both a warning and a plea.

He began to rub me even faster.

I was _there_ I was right there! I just couldn't let go. I was climbing a peak I never thought I was going to be able to come down from.

And then James bit my neck and whispered in my ear, "Let go. Just let go, Emma. I'm right here. I'm not going to let you fall."

I moaned and grabbed him even tighter.

"Come."

And with that word my entire world exploded. My mouth opened and my head shot backwards. I let a cry escape my mouth and I felt my entire body let go. I saw stars, literally. James was everywhere and I couldn't get enough of him.

My body shook as I rode my high higher and higher.

I screamed the only word that meant anything anymore; the name that had come to mean the world to me.

"_James!"_

**A/N: *Peeks out from under blanket* Well? How was it? Please, please leave me a review and tell me! Thank you everyone who has reviewed :D You all get cookies and hugs! **

**~Rose**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Yes I'm still alive! I know it's been a few days but I was hit with a busy schedule and some writers block :S BUT! As an extra special surprise, not only is it a little longer; I open with some lemon peel from last chapter and end with a full on luscious, lemon pie. I hope you all enjoy and I am anxious to hear some feedback on this one! As usual, I apologize for any typos; I have only scanned it in an effort to post it quickly. So grab a notepad and write down everything you do and do not like about this chapter, mmkay? See you at the bottom! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. Seriously. **

"_James!"_

I gripped his shoulders tightly as I rode my high. Every muscle in my body was clenched tightly; I was _desperate_ to make this feeling last even just a second longer. This was an entirely new experience and I was quite shocked with myself for allowing such a thing to transpire.

I never touched myself; ever since_ he_ raped me, he made sex a living hell. It was pain and agony, something I _never_ wanted to live through again.

My body began to calm and still, but James was still moving his hand against me as he tried to give ma just a few more moments of bliss. My glance moved from the ceiling above me to the tan, sculpted figure in front of me.

What was I supposed to say? Thank you?

He re adjusted his position between my legs and I could feel his arousal rock hard against my thigh. Wasn't he supposed to get off to?

I panicked; was it my turn? Was I supposed to touch him or give him a…blowjob? I froze and my face flashed the confusion I was feeling.

James' smile suddenly vanished. "Oh God, Emma is everything ok?" Concern was heavy in his voice.

My body trembled slightly. "I'm f-fine…what about your, uh, needs?" I asked.

He smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "I'm not going to make you do anything; I will be right back." He got up and walked over to the bathroom; his hips swayed the entire time.

Once the door was shut I _really _panicked.

_Oh God I just screwed that up; he probably thinks I'm incompetent. _

Wasn't I though? The only experience I had in this area were the horrid experiences forced upon me by my father. He had made me…touch him before but he always yelled and beat me.

How did I let this happen? He's probably going to think I'm ready to have sex tomorrow! And I'm _not_! I don't know how I'm going to react once I go to _that_ place again.

I let my feelings take over; it felt right so I did it. I allowed my hormones to rule my decisions. Did I regret it? Not one bit. Should I have waited? Maybe.

My body was still recovering from that last orgasm; I didn't know it was possible to feel like that. I didn't know someone else could inflict so much pleasure onto me. With a blush, I reached down between my legs and gasped. I was still incredibly sensitive; my body twitched and I let my hand fall onto the bed.

I heard James finish up in the bathroom and watched the doorknob turn as he opened it. His face was flushed and he was catching his breath.

_Glad to know he got the enjoyment I did out of this._

James' eyes traced every inch of me. "Emma?" He sat down on the bed beside me.

I had no clue what to say. The look on his face suggested he was looking for _some_ sign of approval over what just happened.

I let out a shaky breath, "I-I…that was _unbelievable. _I've never felt like that before."

His demeanor brightened and perked up instantly. "You enjoyed it?" A wide smile flashed across his features.

I got up and sat on my knees so I could be at eye-level with him. He sat Indian style on the bed before me. I leaned over and kissed him. Our foreheads touched as I backed away slightly. His eyes fluttered closed and mine did the same.

"Yes."

He looked at me, "I may be ruining the light-hearted pillow talk here but, why did you look confused and scared?" His voice rose, "Emma I didn't bring up any old memories did I?"

I shook my head. "No, none at all I swear. I just…James you could get any girl you wanted; one that is much more experienced in these matters than I am. I don't know what to do in the bedroom, ok? Even though I'm technically not a virgin, I act like one. I only have the memories my father left me and…I don't want to revisit those. He just made us do whatever and he usually beat us and said we were bad at it. He told me I would always be terrible. What you did for me was beyond anything I could have imagined. I never knew I could feel like that; I never knew sex had a brighter side. It was always just misery for me. I want you to feel the same and I just sat there. Please tell me; was I supposed to touch you or give you a blowjob so you could orgasm? You have to tell me, James, because I don't know. I just don't know." The confession came out as a long ramble. My head dropped and shameful tears began to spill down my cheeks.

I suddenly felt two arms wrap around me and pull me into an embrace. My own arms locked around his waist and I rested my head on his shoulder.

He tilted my chin up so I was looking up at him. "Emma. Don't you _ever_ feel insecure about yourself, understand me? I don't want to date a slut. I want to date someone I care about; and that's you. I'm not going to force anything on you and don't worry about your lack of experience. I don't care. Honestly, it's rather adorable. Just promise me something, okay?"

I nodded.

"If we are ever, _ever_ moving too fast or doing something that you're not comfortable with you have to tell me. Promise me you will never force yourself into doing something just for my sake."

"I promise." My voice was soft and relaxed now. "James I really like you and I don't want to screw this up. Kallie and I are scarred and you have _no_ idea just how messed up-" I began but he cut me off.

"Emma-"

I silenced him. "No, James, let me finish. We are _fucked up_. You have clearly seen that recently. Our past comes to haunt us at the worst times and we are constantly running from it. I don't know how to do certain things and react to others. Kallie's fears are obviously resting in the foreground; mine are much deeper. Sometimes I don't really even know I fear something until it's too late."

He was silent. I took a deep breath and prepared to lay out an ultimatum.

"James if you stay with me you have to be ready to face things like that. I'm not going to be a normal girl; I'm different and you are going to have to deal with it."

He immediately cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. It was soft, but passion filled. I rested my hands on his and let our tongues move together gracefully.

A single tear cascaded down my cheek.

He slowly pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. "Emma I am going to make _you_ a promise. I will always be here for you, no matter what. I don't care about your baggage as long as I can have you in my arms."

He flashed me a brilliant smile.

"Do you mean that?" My eyes watered slightly.

He nodded. I pulled him down for another kiss.

"You have no idea how much that means to me James Diamond. Thank you." I let a happy giggle fall from my lips.

I looked at the clock; 11:38. "James, can you stay with me tonight?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yes but I have to go get a few things from our place first, okay?" He got up and walked silently out the door.

Suddenly my throat felt dry. I walked into the kitchen to pull out a bottle of water. When I was walking back to my room I heard Kallie and Logan. With a blush on my cheeks I listened at the door.

They were laughing about something.

"_No way! Are you serious?"_ Kallie asked.

"_As a heart attack. No joke. It really happens!" _Logan sounded different with her, more open, more confident. He definitely took on the dominant role in their relationship.

I walked back into my room. Once the bed was a little neater and organized, I settled in. James soon returned and placed a handful of objects onto my dresser before sliding in next to me. I immediately snuggled up against him and fell into a sweet, blissful sleep.

The next few weeks went by like a whirlwind with every day passing faster than the last. Our work with Gustavo and Kelly went at a breakneck speed. In one week we had recorded a few singles and gotten the green light from Griffin to go ahead and record an album. We were working on some dances and would soon be recording a music video.

We had gone shopping with Mama Knight (as the boys call her) and our apartment now felt like home. If everyone wasn't over at our place, we were over at theirs. We all got along perfectly well and we each had developed our own unique bonds with everyone else.

Kallie hadn't had any other episodes, but she did often come to me at random times about flash-back nightmares. She and Logan had grown incredibly close; they were _always_ together doing something.

James and I were becoming a force on our own. I had completely fallen in love with him and I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. Yes, I know that that is a _huge_ decision to come to after only a few weeks but…I just couldn't see it any other way.

Since Kallie and I _were_ under the age of 18, we had to enroll into some sort of an education program. I bought us both laptops and we were signed into an online school. I, however, would be turning 18 in a few weeks, and as soon as that day came I would be taking myself _out_ of home school.

To help keep our identities hidden, Kelly and Gustavo gave us stage names. Instead of Emma & Kallie we were known as Claire & Kate. Because of our shopping trips and wardrobe change, we looked nothing like the old Emma and Kallie. And, as an added bonus, our parents had no clue we could sing; so we pretty much figured we were safe.

One night, James and I were sitting on my bed when he asked the question I knew was coming.

"Emma?" His voice sounded hesitant.

I stroked his face, "What is it?"

He removed my hand and cradled it between his. "Can you tell me…about…your childhood?"

I sucked in a breath. "W-Why do you want to know about our past?" I asked.

He flushed. "I…I just want to know." I reached up and kissed him on the lips. "I don't know, James. I mean…it…damn. I don't know if I can tell you everything." I looked at him through my lashes.

He sat up and held my hands in his lap. "I understand if you can't but…I want to know what you've been through and what I can do to help." He sounded so sincere; he honestly seemed like he wanted to help.

I nodded. "I can try. But I can't make any promises, ok?"

He nodded.

"Ok. I'm _guessing_ the abuse started when we were really young. While I was growing up, and now for that matter, there are certain things I avoid and I have no clue as to why. Like lighters. I am terrified of lighters and…I don't really have a reason to be, ya know? I just…I dunno. And then there were certain items I grew to fear. To this day Kallie and I both don't wear belts; we hate the sight of them and the sound of them being unbuckled. I think you can guess why."

"Yes." His voice was quiet and his eyes were plastered to mine.

"They just…abused us growing up. In every possible meaning of the word. We were beaten, neglected, verbally tormented and we were sexually abused. But we still went to school; they knew how to hurt us so that we wouldn't have any severe marks or bruising. However, one day when I was in seventh grade, a teacher saw some marks and cornered me about it. I had to tell."

"What happened?"

"We were taken by Child Services and were sent to live with my cousin. When it went to the courts I became emancipated and became the legal guardian of both Kallie and I. Both of my parents went to jail."

James looked confused.

"I'm not done. My Mom got out after a year and helped my Dad escape. I have no clue in hell how they both got out and away but they did. There was a huge search for them, but they were never found. A few months later they found us, killed my cousin, and kidnapped us. We were put through hell all over again and it was worse the second time around."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

"I have no clue where we were taken but an opportunity presented itself. My Mom was passed out on drugs and Kallie and I hit my dad over the head and knocked him out. We tied them both up and ran. We fled to my Uncle Bill's. Because of our bitch Aunt, we couldn't stay with them but he paid for us to stay nearby. We hid. Then Gustavo came looking for talent and we jumped."

"I…I don't know what to say, Emma. I'm so sorry." He pulled me close and kissed my forehead.

"I can't describe everything we went through, like the various acts of abuse but…the sexual abuse was easily the most horrendous part of it all. I could handle it; Kallie couldn't." My voice broke.

"How bad?" James was barely breathing, but he asked the question anyway.

"I, we…" I sighed, "You see, we were tormented by _both_ of our parents. They touched us when we were really young and it only got worse and worse. I'm surprised I let you touch me considering the way it's so similar to what they did."

The color drained from his face.

"Not saying I don't enjoy what you do! James I love the way you touch me; you are showing me that there is a positive side. It's just…I've told you this before. We just have to take it slow on some things."

"I know. We haven't really _done_ anything since that one time." He seemed a little embarrassed.

I knew that James was a teenage boy and that he was ruled by his hormones. He often had to go and take care of…things…when we hung out. I wanted to give him the pleasure myself, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to.

"And I want to try, really. I do." I slowly kissed him. "You have no idea how badly I want to try."

He kissed me back and, just like that, made me forget. When I was with him there was no memory of the bad times, just now and the good. I opened my mouth and his tongue slid in with ease. I laid back against the pillow and he settled in between my legs.

"Emma. I. Will. Never. Hurt. You." He said between kisses.

My mouth broke from his and I turned to the ceiling for air. His soft lips kissed their way over to my ear and then he gently trailed his tongue down my neck.

"James…" I moaned out. His hands were on my hips and he was grinding into me. I bucked my hips up into him and brought his head back up to mine. The kiss was fiery and urgent; like an intro to a song. It was going to be a gateway to something else. And I was totally fine with it.

We broke apart and, after placing a chaste kiss on my lips, he moved down my neck like before, but this time with gently kisses. He lit a fire down my body and I burned with anticipation. My breathing was heavy and I was shaking slightly.

_What is he going to do?_

He continued grinding into me, but stopped when he shifted himself down on the bed. I looked at him. "J-James?"

He held a finger up to his lips and kissed my stomach through my black tank top. His hands trailed up my sides, bringing my shirt with it. I was pushing my boundaries but I decided to go with it. He pulled it up and over my head before discarding it over the side of the bed.

"Emma." He looked me in the eyes. "Tell me if we're doing something you don't want to do. Just stop me and I swear I will. Okay?"

I nodded, incapable of coherent speech.

I looked down at myself. I was pretty well endowed; a 34 C leaning towards a D. The bra I was wearing was a navy blue with crème colored trim. James placed a kiss on each cup before continuing downwards.

My back was arched and his hands were all over me; my back, my hips, my neck, my breasts, everywhere.

When he got to the button on my jeans, I bit my bottom lip. He undid it with his teeth and gently, ever so gently, pulled them from my body. He stood at the foot of the bed and removed his shirt. I moaned softly. His skin was tan and his muscles were clear and well defined. His pants were hanging dangerously low on his hips…

"God, Emma. You're beautiful." The color in his eyes darkened and he returned to my upper half.

He drew me into another searing kiss and, all too soon, ended it. But he made quick work of removing my bra and I immediately went into introvert mode.

My hands moved to cover myself but he pushed them away. "You're incredible, Emma. Don't cover yourself."

I nodded and suddenly his lips were on my right breast.

"James!" I gasped as soon as his wet, hot mouth made contact with my sensitive breast. A jolt of pleasure immediately shot to my core and I moaned softly. I tangled my hands into his luscious locks and pulled him closer to me.

I cried out when I felt him capture my hardened peak between his white teeth. He gently bit down and his tongue swirled around me and he enfolded me into his mouth. Then he gave my other breast the same treatment.

While he was lavishing my upper half, his hands moved down to my hips and he removed my matching underwear. I tried to close my legs, on instinct, but it was kind of impossible when he was sitting there. While he was still flicking his tongue against my nipples, he gently spread my legs apart.

I held my breath and closed my eyes.

_He's not Dad. He's not Dad._

I felt him release my left breast with a 'pop' and he left a trail of kisses down my stomach. I felt pressure on my hips and I opened my eyes and looked down at the sexy man between my legs. He was looking at me through his dark eyelashes as if begging to continue. I nodded and took a deep breath.

He ran his hands up and down my legs a few times before bending his head between them. I twitched and moaned when I felt his ragged breath on my sensitive core. My hands gripped the sheets beneath my quivering body.

He placed a kiss on the inside of my thigh and whispered. "Shh, calm down Emma. I'm not going to hurt you."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I know."

He took that as a green light and slowly moved his open mouth to my core.

"Ah! James!" I screamed when his tongue licked it's way up and down. The feeling of his warm, wet mouth on my most sensitive parts made me crazy. A string of pleasured noises and gasps dropped from my lips. I could feel him smile into me and he picked up the pace. His tongue swirled and licked and his mouth sucked and made me wet. I immediately felt something building up and I held him closer to me. His tongue poked and prodded at my core and when he moaned, he sent vibrations through my body.

My breathing hitched and I bucked my hips. "James, I'm there." My voice was full of lust and want.

He began moving more urgently. Everything was going faster and harder. My mouth dropped open as I shook. I lost the ability to speak at this point.

Suddenly, after slowly building up my release, I screamed. This was much stronger than the one I had experienced earlier. James gripped my hips in an effort to keep me still, but I twitched and spasmed against him. My hips moved in circles in an effort to prolong the pleasure.

The corners of my vision seemed to fade and all I knew was what James could make me feel. I felt my orgasm in every corner of my body; I never felt more alive. When I came back to Earth I sat up and pulled him into a mind meltingly hot kiss. I grinned when I could taste myself on him.

Then I pulled him down onto the bed and straddled his hips.

"Emma, don't do anything you're not-" I captured his lips with mine in an effort to shut him up. I winked at him and kissed my way down his soft skin. I followed his actions and gave his nipples the attention he gave mine. As soon as I pulled one into my mouth and began sucking on it, he tensed and moaned. That only built my confidence.

When I was done I moved to his stomach and outlined his abs with my tongue. His breathing picked up and he squirmed beneath me.

"Emma…" My name was soft on his lips.

I went down and began to unbuckle his pants. I took a deep breath and pulled them down.

A low whistle filled the air. I know I felt him through his pants, but damn. The way his boxers were straining against his body was incredibly enticing. I kissed him through the thin fabric and he moaned and twitched. I looped my fingers beneath the waistband and, in a quick, fluid motion, pulled them down his long legs.

My mouth literally dropped. Not only was he big and thick, he was perfectly sculpted. I looked at him.

"See something you like, babe?" He said in a strained voice.

I nodded and settled between his legs. My right hand gripped his base and his body jerked and a cry left his lips. I gently stroked him and played with him at the same time. I used every trick I knew and eventually I had him shaking. Then I gently blew on the tip and drew him into my mouth.

His hips automatically thrusted into my mouth and his hands were tangled in my hair. "Fuck Emma!"

I gagged. I couldn't help it; he was just _so_ _big_. And it brought me back to the times when my dad would make me gag to the point where I cried. Instantly I yanked my head back and I silently gagged some more.

James shot up and put his hands on either side of my face. His cheeks were flushed. "Emma? Emma are you okay? I didn't mean to do that! Honestly; it was automatic…" I shushed him.

"_I'm_ sorry, James. I just…gagged. My Dad would do that to me for hours it seemed…" My voice trailed off and he pulled me to him.

"He's not here. He's never going to be here again. It's just me, okay? And don't do it again if it's going to do that to you."

I kissed him on the lips and softly pushed him back down onto the bed. Again, I pulled him into my mouth, but I didn't gag. I swirled my tongue around him and played with him. He protested but I continued. Eventually he pulled me off of him. "Emma, if you're going to keep doing that…we can't do much of anything else." He laughed slightly.

I kissed him. "How was it?"

He growled and pounced on me and I was effectively pinned to the bed. He ran his tongue up my neck and to my ear. "You, Emma, are a goddess. Let me repay you for that little service."

He leaned off of me and reached into his pants pocket for something. He returned with a shiny foil square. I nodded.

He slipped the condom over his length and then adjusted me so that I was leaning against the pillows at the head of the bed. He looked at me seriously.

"Do you want to do this?" He asked.

I wrapped my hand around him and guided him to my entrance. "Yes."

"Emma, are you _sure_?"

"Yes. James I love you and I know I can't give you my real virginity, but you can have it in another sense. I'm willingly giving myself to you for the first time."

He smiled and kissed me passionately. Then he slowly, ever so slowly, slid his tip into me. I tensed at the intrusion but I forced myself to calm. I cradled his face in my hands and never broke eye contact.

Gently he pushed into me. He was going too slow.

"Just do it." My voice was thick. He nodded and, in one move, was fully and completely inside of me. I pulled back and dropped my hands. I closed my eyes and my mouth opened.

A painful cry forced it's way out of my mouth and I saw _him_.

I saw him everywhere. The burning I was feeling was associated with _him._

The discomfort was associated with _him_.

The embarrassment was associated with _him._

Tears spilled down my cheeks. I put my hands on his chest and began to push him off of me when he grabbed mine and he kissed me.

"Emma it's _not_ him. It's me, James. You're safe baby I swear." I opened my eyes and looked at him. He continued to whisper encouragement to me and I slowly snapped out of my morbid reverie.

It was JAMES. James. James. James. James. _James!_

_Not him._

I nodded and rocked my hips against him. He slowly pushed in and out at first but soon began ramming into me. This was different than before; it was full of pleasure and desire and _passion_. Before it was just anguish and humiliation. I put my hands on his shoulders and silently encouraged him to go faster.

His body soon broke out in a sheen of sweat; making him all the more sexy.I looked to the ceiling and cried out when I felt another orgasm building up. We kissed and he played with my sensitive clit. I immediately jerked backwards but he followed me and continued the attack on my core. He was moaning along with me and soon his hard, fast, and steady thrusts began to go erratic.

"Emma.." His voice was warped from pleasure. Mine was the same. "James!"

I was _so fucking close_. And this was going to be insane when I let go. I dragged my nails against his back and he shuddered.

"James likes some pain with his pleasure?"

He nodded and rammed into me even harder.

Suddenly he hit that spot that made me jump. The added pleasure only added to the buildup instead of helping with the release. I wrapped my legs around his waist and cried out into his neck in frustration.

"Damn it just make me come! I know you can do it so just _fucking_ do it already!" I screamed into him.

Then he began to slam into me harder and faster than I ever thought possible. At the same time he rubbed my clit furiously and sunk his teeth into my neck.

The combination of the pain and pleasure mixed and I went still before releasing into him. I screamed, literally shrieked his name into the air around us. He was all that mattered. He thrust one more time into me before screaming his own release.

"Emma!"

"James!"

We both shook and shuddered our way through our releases. My mouth was open and I was just gone. I felt a million miles away. Electricity zinged through my body and I felt it surge through my veins and every single body cell I possessed. Every nerve was on sensory overload and I didn't know how much more I could take.

After what seemed like an eternity, my body began to calm and James' did too. Soon we were panting like wild men and staring at each other.

I kissed him as hard as I could. "I love you so much."

My Father was the _last_ thing on my mind. For once in my life he wasn't in the foreground; James had pushed him to the background. And that's where he needed to stay.

**A/N: Weeeeell? How was it? Please please please review on this one; I'm a little uncertain in the way this turned out and I would love to hear some feedback; good or bad. The next chapter will be up before Friday! I love you all!(:**

**~Rose**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Well I know I previously said this Chapter would be up before today but hey at least it's not tomorrow, right? I'm so sorry I'm late in getting this up. But before I continue, I went to the midnight release of the last Harry Potter movie last night and oh my God it was **_**incredible**_**. Seriously, the series totally got the ending it deserved and if you haven't seen it yet you really need to! For everyone who has read the books, the writers left in the line where Mrs. Weasly shouts "Not my daughter you bitch!" Which totally made me happy and proud(: Anyway, moving on, here is Chapter 13! I hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. **

"_I love you so much."_

I didn't know I would ever be given the chance to say that so someone other than my sister. I never fathomed that I would meet someone, let alone someone who would be willing to deal with all of the baggage I had. And yet here I was, proclaiming my love to someone who I had only known for about a month. James Diamond had not only given me a chance, but he had dealt with everything I laid out on the table. He was never scared off, and that alone made him worthy of everything I had to give.

Our bodies were covered in sweat and pressed together. The feeling of his body against mine was incredible; I felt loved and protected when I was beneath him. James and I had connected gazes and it was as if we were communicating through it. I received his message just as he received mine.

_That was incredible._

He closed the space between us and captured my lips with his. It was a passionate kiss, but not one that would lead to a round 2. Soon his mouth broke away from mine and he trailed his way down my neck and began to nip at my collar bone. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation for a few minutes before coming to a realization.

I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back so I could look at him. "Ithink we should go shower. There's no way I'm getting to sleep covered in sweat." I laughed.

He kissed me on the forehead and gently pulled out of my body. I moaned at the loss. James then grabbed my hands and pulled me out of the now trashed bed we would be sleeping in later. I jumped at how icy the tiles were and made my way over to the shower and turned it on. James was leaning back against the counter with a devilish smirk on his face.

"What are you staring at?" I asked as I crossed my arms.

"I'm just trying to figure out what view is better; the front or the back." He walked over to me and placed his hands on my waist.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Oh really? I was just contemplating the same thing earlier."

He put his face right in front of mine. "_Oh really?_ And what did you come up with?" His smile widened.

I deepened my voice. "That's an easy one. I prefer the front; it offers _so_ much more to give." I winked at him and then hopped into the shower. I heard a low growl in his chest as he opened the frosted glass door. He walked in and backed me up against the wall.

In one quick move he turned me around and brought his hand down on my backside. I yelped in surprise. He then ran his hand down the curve of my ass and dipped between my legs before inserting two fingers into me. I gasped and arched my back into him.

The warm water was drenching both of us, and a wet James was a _hot_ James. A loud moan escaped my body as he moved his fingers inside of me. The coldness of the tile wall, the warmth of the water and his body, the pleasure he was giving me, and the fading sting of his slap was bringing me close to yet another release.

I reached back and tangled my hand in his hair and pulled his head down so it rested on my shoulder. He laughed and licked a trail of water off of my skin. He continued moving and whispering dirty things into my ear. Within a few more moments, I came against his hand.

I could hear him moan in response and once he removed his fingers from my body I _immediately_ turned him against the wall and brought my hand down on his ass. I then leaned in and bit his ear. "Which side of me do _you_ prefer?" I asked in a husky tone.

"Both. They each offer various forms of fun." He turned around and kissed me hard. Our mouths moved together under the spray from the shower.

I was the one to break away. "James, I actually _need_ to shower. Not that I don't enjoy the fun." I laughed and planted a kiss on his lips.

My smile was mirrored on his lips. "Yeah, I also need to clean up."

He had used my shower before so he had a few of his things in here; but not like his hair salon back in his own apartment. Once we were clean we got out, dried off, got changed and slipped into the messy bed.

I flipped the lights off and, once again, fell asleep in James' arms.

When I awoke the next morning I was on the very edge of the bed and, in the process of stretching, managed to fall onto the floor and hit my head on the wall. I dragged part of the sheet off of the bed with me and was sitting dazed with my eyes open.

…_The hell?_

My joints cracked like gunfire as I stood up and stretched my body out. I was a little sore from the night before.

_The night before._

A silly grin broke out on my face and I felt a slight blush rise to my cheeks. I glanced on the bed. James was curled up holding a pillow like it was his treasured stuffed Teddy Bear. He was also mumbling faintly about hockey.

"Oh James." I patted his leg and then walked into the bathroom. The lights briefly burned my eyes, but I walked to the counter and straightened my frizzy hair. When I was done I slipped on my robe and walked out into the kitchen to find Kallie and Logan.

As soon as I walked in Logan looked to the ground and a blush crept across his cheeks. Kallie nudged him and whispered something.

"Well, well, well. Look who can walk this morning!" Kallie snickered. Suddenly I had a blush to match Logan's.

_Next time make sure little sister and boyfriend are out of the apartment._

I scratched the back of my neck and sat down at the island. I put my hands on the table and looked at them.

"Ok. James and I had sex. I'm sure you _already_ knew that. Now, none of us ever mentions it again, ok?"  
>I asked.<p>

Logan's gaze met mine. "Deal. But, Emma? Don't worry about it. And I'm glad you and James, er, _enjoyed_ yourselves." He grinned and Kallie smacked him upside the head.

"I was forced to hear my sister get _banged_ last night and holy hell it sounded like you were going to tear the whole fucking place down!" Kallie laughed.

Logan put his hand on her shoulder. "We're going to let it go now. Okay, babe?"

Kallie sighed and gave him a kiss on the lips. "For now."

Logan turned to me. "Emma do you want anything for breakfast? I was just going to make some omelets."

"Sure. What time is it?" I asked.

Kallie checked the clock on the microwave. "9:30."

"Is James still sleeping?" Logan asked as he pulled out a pan.

I nodded. "Yeah, he was cuddling with my pillow last time I checked."

Logan let out a chuckle and Kallie burst out laughing. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. And mumbling about hockey."

Logan turned around. "Now _that_ doesn't surprise me."

Kallie walked over to the fridge and grabbed two drinks; a water for her and a bottle of iced tea for me. She slid it my way and I popped open the top. "Should I go wake James up?"

"Nah, let him sleep. I'm going to fry up some bacon; _that_ will wake him up." Logan laughed, "But since you guys did take a shower last night, he's going to need his first-thing-in-the-morning hair products. Even more so that he took a shower and didn't blow dry it."

I stood up. "I'll go get it, is it in his room?" I asked.

"It's in the bathroom off the room he and Kendall share. Kendall will show you." Logan said as he flipped an omelet onto Kallie's plate. "But before you go, Emma, what do you want in your omelet?"

"Cheese and ham. Thanks Logie." I said as I left and walked over to apartment 2J.

I knocked on the door twice and Katie opened the door. "So did James make you come get his beauty kit?" She asked as she let me in.

"He's still sleeping. Logan, however, _heavily_ advised that I pick it up for him before he wakes up." I laughed.

Kendall then jogged up to where I was talking with Katie. "Hey Emma, what are you doing over here?"

"I actually need you to show me where James keeps all of his hair care stuff. I have a hairdryer and a flatiron he can use but Logan said he would probably need his other stuff." I shrugged.

Katie walked over and sat down on the couch in the living room. "Morning, Emma!" Carlos called out after he exited the room he shared with Logan. "Kendall and I were just getting ready to go head over. Logan texted us saying he was making breakfast."

"Yeah, Mr. Chef is making omelets and bacon this morning." I laughed as I gave Carlos a good morning hug. He clapped his hands, said goodbye, and headed over to our place.

I followed Kendall into the room he shared with James. "So…I went over to your place last night to talk to James but it sounded like you and James were preoccupied." Kendall said with a wink.

I stammered. "I, uh…w-well…"

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it, seriously. We're all used to it." As soon as the last sentence dropped, Kendall balled his right hand up into a fist and winced.

_What?_ "Excuse me?"

Kendall dropped his hand and looked at me like a deer in the headlights. "Uh…well, you're not the _first_ sexual partner James has ever had and…"

And there it is. The inevitable truth I had been trying to ignore. I mean, come on, the guy could get any girl in bed that he wanted. I just…tried not to think about past partners.

My voice dropped. "How many?" I asked.

Kendall scratched the back of his neck and stumbled over what to say. "Er, well…I don't know an exact number…"

"Kendall am I one of those numbers?"

He looked confused. "Well…what do you mean?"

Tear pricked my eyes. "Am I just one of those numbers? Will I be like the rest? Broken hearted after his false promises and fake compliments?"

I sat down on the floor and Kendall immediately sat across from me. "No. No you're not. You have no idea how quickly he fell for you. Emma, he has changed for you in ways I have never seen before. He's a different person now that he's met you." He said in a caring, gently tone. He held my hands in his and smiled.

"I just…I never imagined ever being with someone. And I've given James pretty much everything now, and I don't want to be…" I didn't know how to phrase it.

Kendall pulled me in for a hug. "Emma, James is absolutely head over heels for you. He tells me almost every day. He's more proud of you than his hair, and that's seriously saying something."

I chucked and looked back at Kendall. I squeezed him again and then stood up.

"Thank you, Kendall." I kissed him on the cheek and then followed him into the bathroom. I was tossed about four different hair products.

"That's usually what James uses in the morning." He said.

"Well he already has another few things over in my bathroom so he should be fine. Will you come walk me back?" I asked.

Kendall kissed me on the head and nodded. "Of course, after you."

We walked back into our apartment where Carlos was cheering on Logan, who was repeatedly flipping a pancake in a pan.

Kallie suddenly put her hands out and shouted. "THERE! He hit 20 flips. Now will you guys stop the challenges? We're going to end up with food stuck to the ceiling!" She put her head on the counter and groaned.

Kendall joined the fun and I walked back into my room where James was still sleeping. I put the various hair products in the bathroom and then looked at James. He looked absolutely innocent and pure in his sleep, not to mention adorable cuddling a pillow. I shut the door quietly and walked back out to the kitchen.

"Okay, Logan, where's my omelet?" I asked. He handed me a plate and a fork. "Here you go, Emma! Now, Kendall, what do you want on yours?"

I stood beside Kallie and dug into the large omelet before me. I moaned when I took a bite. "Damn, Logan you know how to cook. Seriously." He laughed. "Thanks."

Soon everyone had an omelet and Logan began to put some bacon into the pan. As soon as the first piece was done, I fought my way through Carlos and Kendall to get to it and then walked back to my room.

I set the piece of bacon on the pillow right by James' nose and waited. Five seconds later his eyes were open and he was sitting up, munching on the crispy piece of bacon. Once he was done he looked at me and stood up. I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him a quick kiss. He returned it. "Morning, babe."

A slight blush crawled onto both of our cheeks.

I ran a hand through his wild, untamed hair. "I had Kendall give me the products you usually use on your hair. They're in the bathroom. Fix your wild bed head and then come out for breakfast, ok?"

He smiled. "You are the best girlfriend ever." And with another quick kiss he ran into the bathroom and within minutes I could hear various cans being sprayed, water running and my hair dryer being turned on. I laughed and left the room to finish my omelet.

When I got back, Kallie snuck me three pieces of bacon under the table. She leaned towards me and whispered, "I managed to hide some."

I nodded and quickly ate the pieces before I was jumped for them.

Carlos looked at Kendall. "What time do we have to meet Gustavo?" He asked.

Logan, who was frying some more bacon and beginning to make another omelet in another pan, answered. "Noon."

Kallie spoke. "Is it all of you guys or what?"

"All of us. We're going over the finishing touched and background vocals for a new song so we shouldn't be in there forever, maybe until three?" Kendall guessed.

Logan nodded, "Sounds about right."

"Maybe when we get back we can all head down to the pool?" Carlos asked with a smile.

"Sure, works for us. While you guys are gone we can go rent some movies and maybe have a marathon later tonight?" I suggested.

"Ooh that sounds like so much fun, Emma!" Kallie bounced in her seat and clapped her hands.

Carlos drummed his hands on the table. "Yeah! Get some scary movies though, okay? You can't have a movie marathon without scary movies!"

"Carlos what if they don't like scary movies?" Logan said.

Kendall turned to us. "Will scary movies be okay?"

We both nodded. "We will get some snacks, but you guys need to bring anything particular you want." I said.

It was set, after the boys got back we would go swimming and then have a movie marathon. Soon James emerged from my bedroom smelling like hairspray. He looked immaculate, as usual, and was wearing sinfully tight jeans and a navy shirt.

Kallie nudged me and I slapped her arm. Logan greeted James and then handed him an omelet. "Sorry James, Thing 1 and Thing 2 over there ate all the bacon. But I'm frying up some more." Logan laughed.

Kendall and Carlos immediately started bickering about who had more pieces.

"It's fine Logan, thanks for the omelet." He immediately downed it in sheer hunger.

Carlos informed James of today's plans and, once the last pan of bacon had been devoured, the boys headed off to Rocque Records. Once the door had closed, Kallie immediately turned to me with her hands on her hips.

"Well?" She shouted.

I began cleaning the kitchen. "Well what?"

She scoffed. "Oh don't you play dumb with me, Emma! You got your brains _fucked_ _out_ last night and you're not going to tell me anything? Does being a sister _mean_ anything anymore?" Her hands flew up in the air.

"Well as you so delicately put it, yes. We did have sex. Yes it was incredible, yes it was amazing, yes it was loud. What more do you want to hear?" I laughed as I cleaned the pans.

Kallie grinned like a fool. "You sounded like you were being murdered!"

I immediately flushed bright red. "Well forgive me! I was a little preoccupied to be worried about the volume."

"Dude, just make sure you're alone before you do that again. It was _incredibly_ awkward for me and Logan."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. It was kind of…spur of the moment?"

She laughed. "Whatever." She chuckled as she began to drink the last of her water.

"How far have you and Logan gone?" She choked. "Er…what?"

I put my hands on my hips like her. "Don't you play dumb with me, Kallie! Doesn't being a sister _mean_ anything anymore?" I threw my hands in the air like she did.

"Shut up. I…well…we…um, hmm. We haven't had sex yet…"

"…but you've done everything else?" I asked with a smirk.

Her face dropped. "About a week or so ago we were just kissing and he said he wanted to try something, but that if I wanted him to stop I needed to say so. He ate me out. I…I can't describe how amazing it was. He was so good at it; sweet but passionate. W-When he was done I tried r-returning the favor b-but…" A tear fell down her cheek.

"But you couldn't handle it and you choked?" I supplied. I walked over and put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed her back.

She nodded and looked down. "It was _horrible_, Emma. I was back with Dad again. I started to panic and I cried. I felt so bad."

I tilted her chin to face me. "What happened?"

"It took him a minute to figure it out for himself but once he did _he_ felt bad."

"You didn't tell him?"

"I couldn't! I was literally about to go into a panic attack!" Kallie cried out.

"No I mean, you hadn't told him before?" I kept my voice low.

She looked down. "Oh. No. I didn't tell him _that_..."

I rubbed her back some more. "How much have you told him?"

"Honestly, Emma? Quite a bit. I've actually gone into detail, too. When it comes to the sexual abuse though I've kept some things back."

"Like what?"

"Up until a few nights ago, the fact that he would gag us on himself. Or how he would use toys and various objects, or how he would make us stay naked some days, or how he would sometimes make us do certain things to him and mom for food, or how he would bring mom in on rough group sex, and the fact that he made us have _sex_ with _each other for himself to watch or his damn friends to pay and watch_!" She was screaming at the end.

Tears were flowing down her cheeks and mine. "Kal..."

"Don't tell me it doesn't mess with you either! _Don't_ you dare lie to me and tell me it doesn't stay with you!" She shrieked out.

I immediately put my arms around her. "Kallie, you know it does. But you can't keep thinking about that."

She curled up and wept against me. "It's eating away at me, Em. I want to tell Logan _everything_."

"I know, baby, I know. I want to tell James too. He doesn't know details. But how did Logan eventually figure it out?"

"Well, he put two and two together and immediately held me and told me it was okay. He kept apologizing that he should have said no to me doing that and he hasn't let me try since. I doubt he ever will. I just wanted him to feel as good as I did. I guess that failed." A somber laugh escaped her. "He gave me _the_ strongest orgasm I have ever, ever had and all I wanted to do was return the favor."

"Kallie, I'm sure Logan understands."

"He does, he does. Wait...how did you know what happened?" She looked at me with a quizzical look in her eyes.

"The same thing happened with me." I gave her an understanding smile.

"It sucks, doesn't it? I just felt so bad. It was just so immediate." She sighed.

"Other than that, how are things going with you two?" My voice was cheery as I tried to change the subject.

She seemed to perk at that. "Great, actually. He wants to be a doctor, did you know that? I've talked to him about it and I think I do too." She said.

I squealed and hugged her. "Really? That's so cool! What did Logan say?" I eagerly asked.

"I haven't told him yet. I've been reading some various things online and I really do want to work in the medical field. I don't know as what yet, but I was hoping Logan could give me some ideas."

"Oh, Kallie he's going to be so excited when you tell him! When you do you _must_ tell me what he says, okay?" I held her hands.

"Deal."

We cleaned up the kitchen, got dressed and headed out to a movie rental place. Kallie soon got lost in all the aisles of movies. She had to be as clueless as I was, we hadn't watched many movies before and we were clueless as what to get.

"Excuse me, Miss, can I help you find something?" I turned around to see a young, attractive man with dark hair and glasses standing with a warm smile on his face.

"Sure. We, Kallie and I," I pointed to Kallie's head, which was all that could be seen over the aisles, "are trying to have a movie night with a few friends tonight and we're not sure what to get. What are some of your favorite movies?" I asked with a friendly smile.

He brightened up instantly. "Oh, that's a hard question to answer without knowing how many movies you want to get."

I thought for a minute. "Enough to last us all night."

He grinned. "Well, you can't have a movie marathon without _some_ scary movies, right? Let me show you this one over here. I screamed like a little girl when I saw it!" He laughed at an old memory.

"I didn't catch your name?" I asked.

"Clark. And you are?"

"Emma. It's nice to meet you, Clark. Now, show me some movies."

Clark took us around the store and introduced us to the best of certain genres. He was funny, sweet, respectable and smart. We were having so much fun searching through movies and just being silly. By the time we left we had spent over two hours with him and we had a bag of about 15 movies.

_Tonight was going to be fun._

**A/N: Special thanks to VanillaVanity who, after 20 minutes of searching baby name websites, finally helped me come up with a name for Clark! For the next chapter I want to hear some ideas or requests that any of you lovely readers have for me :D How should the movie night go? Review with an answer! Thank you all for reading!**

**~Rose**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello my incredible readers!(: I hope you all had an amazing weekend and a fantastic start to the week! Here is my gift to all of you: Chapter 15. As a random tidbit of my life here's a little bit of what happened yesterday; I went shopping with my mom and since it's hotter than hell out here I decided to wear a sundress. At the end of the day my Mom tells me that my dress is clearly see-through in the back and everyone walking anywhere behind me could very clearly see my…er…*fast talk* neon panties. Ugh I feel like such a slut :/ But, moving on, I hope you all enjoy the chapter!(:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR. Or any of the movies/brand names mentioned :P**

Once we were done spending a little too much money on DVDs, we decided to go spend even more money at a local grocery store. When we left, Kallie was carrying bags of various snack foods and candy.

"I still think we should have gotten some Twizzlers." Kallie mumbled.

I stopped walking and stared at her. "You're the only one who likes those horrid things! And besides, you got _three_ bags of Reese's Pieces. I think you're set."

"I suppose…"

We continued walking down the sunny sidewalk. There was a light breeze in the air, the sky was a solid blue, and everyone was out enjoying the blissful weather.

"Hey Emma?" Kallie asked when we reached the Palm Woods.

I opened the front door for her. "Hmm?"

"W-What is…you know, _it_ like?" She asked in a slightly shy tone.

My cheeks blushed. "Um…amazing. I didn't think it would be like that considering…Dad…but it honestly was. James was very gentle with it and I didn't have any issues."

Kallie snickered. "Bull. He _so_ was not 'gentle'. You were getting _pounded_."

"Kallie! Ugh do you want to ask me something or not?" I sighed. My cheeks were flaming.

_Because she's right._

"N-no I d-do. I w-want to have s-sex with Logan. A-And I don't know how to b-bring it up or…anything." She hung her head.

Once we began walking up the stairwell I spoke. "You could just tell him."

"Oh yeah that will work. 'Hey Logie? Yeah I want you to fuck me with that big dick of yours. Whaddya say?'" She rolled her eyes and looked at me. "Come on."

"_First off_, I did _not_ need to know that! _Second_, you don't bring it up like that you buffoon! Just…do what you think is right. And you better use protection." I scolded.

Even though she was a few steps ahead of me I could see her cheeks go red. She stopped and turned to me. "Y-Yeah I don't keep a supply of condoms with me."

"James already had one with him…maybe Logan does, too."

"_Or_ the next time we're out, we can get some for ourselves, maybe? You will be turning 18 here at the end of August so…yeah." She seemed a little unsure of herself when she spoke.

I thought for a minute. "Yeah that actually sounds like a good idea, honestly."

By the time we reached out apartment, it was going on 4 p.m. We put some snacks out and decked out the living room with blankets and pillows. Once we were done we changed into pajamas and I began making Kallie and I something quick for dinner.

"How about," I shuffled through the fridge and cabinets, "shrimp?"

"Nah."

"Hotdogs?"

"Nah."

"Hamburgers?"

"Nah."

"Spam?"

"Eww…"

"Spaghetti?"

"No."

"Tacos?"

"Not really feelin' it."

"Kallie!"

"Emma!"

"Stop being picky and just choose something!" I shouted.

She thought for a moment. "How about breakfast for dinner?"

My stomach rumbled. "Sure, sounds good to me."

Once I had some pancake batter mixed, someone knocked at the door.

"Kallie?"

She sighed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

I heard her open the door.

And then I heard Logan. "Look I'm sure they have snacks, Carlos."

"Yeah, but do they have corndogs? _Hmmm?_"

Kendall laughed, "Yes they do because you constantly keep them in stock!"

"He's right dude, you always make sure there's a box of corndogs in the fridge." James said.

Kendall walked in first and came over to the stove. "Hey, Emma!" He greeted me.

"Hey Kendall, hey guys!" I said as I wrapped my free arm around his waist and drew him into a hug.

"Whoa! Look at all the food!" I heard Carlos shout. He walked into the living room and immediately started chowing down on candy.

Logan and Kallie sat down at the island and James walked up to me. "Hey baby." He said with a kiss to my temple. I drew him into a full hug and rested my chin on his chest and looked up at him.

"That's all I get as a greeting?" I asked with big puppy dog eyes.

He gave me _the_ sexiest smile I had ever seen and dipped his lips down to my ear. "Do you want me to fuck you senseless on the counter in front of everyone?" He nipped at my ear.

A shiver went down my back. "God you're going to kill me." I moaned back.

He then dipped me back and gave me a huge kiss on the lips. When he helped me up I laughed. "Now _there's_ a greeting I could get used to."

He gently smacked my ass and then sat down by Logan. "So I'm making something to eat for Kallie and I, do you guy want anything?" I asked.

"Um…I'll eat off of Kallie's plate." Logan said as he gave his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. Kallie blushed and leaned into him.

"And I will eat off of yours." James said with a smile. I walked over to the fridge and quickly microwaved two corndogs for Carlos. As soon as the microwave signaled it was done, I pulled them out and Carlos _immediately_ ran over.

"Do I smell corndogs?" He shouted.

I handed him a plate. "Yes, my obsessed friend, you most certainly do." He ran over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"You are the _bomb_, Emma!" He squealed as he began munching on his food. I laughed. "Thanks, Carlos!"

While I made dinner for Kallie and I, Kendall and Carlos turned on the TV and were soon engrossed in whatever they were watching. Both boys had helped themselves to blankets and were soon cloaked din the fabric, each clutching snack bowls. Logan and Kallie were talking about a new book that had come out and James became my cooking helper.

"So what movies did you get?" He asked while flipping over some bacon.

I cracked two eggs into a bowl. "Oh man, we got a little of everything I suppose. The guy there, Clark, helped us pick out a _ton_ of movies."

"Yeah and you should be proud of us, most of them are horror movies." Kallie said.

"You guys didn't have to..." Logan began.

I walked over and put my hands on the island. "Logan, we wanted to, okay?"

"Which ones did you get?" James asked.

"Just some various slasher flicks, a few paranormal movies and some that Clark swore would scare us shitless." I added some vanilla and cinnamon to the eggs.

Kallie suddenly shouted, getting everyone's attention. "Which brings me to another point. All of you guys need to be in pajamas!"

Everyone looked bewildered. "Why?" Carlos asked.

"_Because_," Kallie started as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "all of you guys are spending the night. And you need pajamas for a slumber party." She lowered her voice. "Duh."

I laughed and dipped a piece of bread into the egg before tossing it into the pan. "She's not going to let it go, either." I added.

"As soon as we're done making this, we will go change, okay?" James asked.

Kallie sniffed. "Sounds acceptable."

Once the bacon was fried, pancakes were made, French toast was served, and milk was poured, Kallie and I were munching away happily.

Logan and James were stealing little bits and pieces of our dinner but Kallie soon wrangled everyone out the door to go change. Once everyone was out she sighed and sat down.

"You would think they would know to wear PJs." She mumbled.

"Kallie! Just drop it, okay? Now. What order are we going to show the movies in?" I asked.

She got up and retrieved the small plastic bag. Once she laid out all the movies in front of us, she sat down and took a bite out of a pancake.

"Let's wait until later to show some of the scary movies. How about we start off with some of the comedies we got?"

I nodded. "Sounds good, but we need to save some for some relief from the scary movies."

"Valid point."

Together we stacked up the movies in the order we planned on showing them. By the time we had finished eating, the boys marched back in. This time they were clad in pajamas.

Kallie started clapping. "Bravo! That's more like it!" She patted each of them on the shoulder as they walked through.

"Kallie stop being a smartass!" I shouted.

I put the dishes in the sink and, at 7:00, all the lights were turned off and we were all sitting in front of the large TV. Logan and Kallie were snuggling on the couch that was against the wall, Carlos was stretched out on the couch adjacent to them, Kendall and James were sitting on the floor resting against the couch Carlos was on and I was planted right in between.

Once the curtains over the larger windows were closed, the room was fairly dark. The main source of light was the large LCD screen in front of us.

Snack bowls sat in various laps and drinks were resting beside their owners.

I turned the first movie, _National Lampoon's Vacation_, on. It didn't take much time before we were all roaring and laughing at the various antics of the Griswold family. The movie was an oldie but definitely a goodie.

James and Kendall had both simultaneously crept closer to me and I could feel both of their bodies pressed against mine. This made it even funnier during certain scenes because of the way their bodies would vibrate when they laughed.

When the movie was over, Kallie went to the bathroom and Kendall got up to get something else to drink.

"So, Emma, what's up next?" James asked me.

"Well…it looks like…_Animal House_."

Carlos sighed. "What is with all of these old movies?"

Logan smacked him upside the head. "Carlos! Some of the best movies are old ones."

I patted Carlos on the knee. "We chose the movies; deal with it."

Carlos protested but James cut him off. "Oh go choke on a corndog."

When Kendall and Kallie returned, we turned on the movie. And again, everyone, even Carlos, was laughing. I turned on the fan overhead so that we could sit under blankets and still be comfortable. I also stripped out of my t-shirt and slipped into a black tank top and a pair of mint green sweatpants.

Once the movie was over I refilled some of the snack bowls and returned to the living room.

"_Please_ tell me the next movie isn't old?" Carlos asked.

Logan and James both whacked up with pillows and he effectively shut up.

"Yes, Carlos, it is…_relatively_ new. And it's a horror movie." Kallie said. She snuggled a little further into Logan, who wrapped his arms around her.

"What is it?" Kendall asked.

I popped in the shiny disc and sat down. "_The Ring._"

The atmosphere immediately changed when the movie started; instead of the jovial, light hearted mood that was present before, the mood was dark and creepy. I crawled into James' lap and snuggled into him just like Kallie had with Logan.

By the time the movie was almost done everyone had jumped multiple times and the tension was definitely present. When the girl on the screen came _out_ of the screen, Carlos screamed and threw the bowl of pretzels he was holding into the air.

Kendall, James and I were pelted with a pretzel shower.

"Carlos!" We all shouted.

The poor Latino simply shook his head and mumbled an apology. I began picking pretzels out of my hair and frowned when I realized that several fell down my shirt. I began reaching into my bra but James stopped me.

He leaned down and whispered, "Let me."

I smirked and he pulled the blanket up to my neck. Then he put his hands down my bra and removed the pretzels. When he was done, he put his hand back in my shirt and briefly pinched my nipple between his fingers.

A jolt of pleasure shot straight to my core and I backed my butt up against him. He pulled the blanket down to my lap and he ran his hands up and down my thighs. No words were said, everything was communicated through touch. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and closed my eyes for a brief moment.

When the credits began to roll, Kallie peeked out from underneath her blanket.

"I-Is it o-over?" She asked.

Logan buried his head into her neck. "Mhmm."

"Kallie did you really think that movie was scary?" I asked.

She could only nod.

Carlos nodded too.

"By the way, _you're_ picking up every single pretzel, Carlos." I told him.

"So what's next?" James asked.

I frowned. "Some horror movie with a weird title. It's about some kids that get kidnapped or something."

Once the movie started, I regretted putting it in. It seemed like within just a few moments, we were all wincing away from the horrid, grotesque actions on screen.

Halfway through the movie, I was hiding under the blanket in James' embrace. His arms were wrapped around me and I buried my head into his chest. I refused to watch but I still had to listen. The sounds of screaming and…everything _else_…chilled me to the bone.

Eventually I had had enough. I couldn't take anymore. Every scream that pounded against my eardrums was just a reincarnation of the tortures Kallie and I were forced to endure. I closed my eyes and tried to escape, but it didn't work. I could feel a rush of memories threaten to run me over, but I tried to think of something else in order to try and hold them back.

Yeah. I should be so lucky.

A particular memory, one of the most traumatic to me, came rushing into the foreground.

"_Scream you worthless bitch, scream!" My dad shouted as he turned on the lighter. I was tied to a chair and I couldn't move. Much like Kallie's punishment was water, mine was the damn lighter. My sister was gone; it was just me and him. There were a lot of things I kept from my sister; just like I knew there were things she kept from me. _

_We each had 'solo time' with dear old Dad and…we just didn't talk about it. _

_I screamed as he held the lighter to my leg. I tried desperately to get away from him but I just _couldn't_. _

"_Please stop!" I shouted. "Please…" Tears streamed down my face. _

_He then moved the lighter to my arm, then my neck, then my stomach. Every time I would try to squirm away from the area he was burning, but it never worked. _

_Eventually he took out a knife and slashed my shirt to pieces. He also made gashes in my skin during the process. I slammed my body against the chair and just _screamed_. I screamed with everything I had, but it was never enough. _

_He ran the lighter across my burns and I screamed even louder. My shrieks filled the small room and only fueled the smile on his damned face. _

_Then he cut my bra to pieces and held the lighter to my breast. _

"_NO!" I lost it. The pain was just…too much. I cried and begged and screamed. Eventually he stopped, but sometimes that was the scariest part. If he became bored with one game he would move onto another. _

_Once he released me from the chair he began to beat me. He kicked, punched, scratched, bit, and spit on me. I tried to fight him back but that only resulted in being bent over a table and raped. After what felt like hours he deposited my on the floor and kicked me. _

_When that was done he tied me back to the chair and brought out a small knife. He made cuts all over my body. A laugh would escape him every time he slashed through my skin. Eventually he tired of this,a s well. _

_When he was putting back the knife, a large spider crawled onto my arm. _

"_Ah! Daddy get it off of me! Get it _off!" _I screamed. I was absolutely terrified of spiders and this wasn't just a Daddy long-legs. The feeling of it crawling on me terrified me more than anything my Dad did. _

_And the bastard saw it._

"_Aww what's wrong Emma? A little spider scaring you?" He mocked. _

_I screamed and cried as the spider crawled onto my shoulder._

"_Oh God please get it off! PLEASE! I'll do whatever you want just get it off!" I shrieked. _

_He simply howled with laughter. The spider crawled all over my body and I was in hysterics. That was one of my first panic attacks. And damn they were awful. _

_I began shaking and crying. My chest ached and I just lost it. _

"_Get it off of me! Oh God please! PLEASE!" I screamed. _

_This became his favorite game. And his most sadistic. He would put bugs and spiders on me and watch me react. _

"_NO!" I cried as the spider crawled over the gashes. _

"Emma!" I heard a voice say.

"Get it _off_ of me! NOW!" I shrieked.

My vision was blacked out and I just felt tons of bugs crawling over my skin. I was in hysterics. Screams were torn from my throat and tears pulled from my eyes. I heard speaking but it was a long way off.

"Kallie what the fuck is going on?" A male voice shouted.

"I don't know!"

I tried shouting again. "Please! They're crawling all over me, get them _off!_ In the name of God make this _stop!"_

"_Kallie!_ What is she talking about?"

"_I don't know!"_

"What do you mean you don't know? I thought you guys told each other everything!"

"Not this!"

_Why the hell were these people arguing when I was covered in bugs?_

"Just get them _off of me!"_ I tried again.

I felt hands on me. Where the warmth of skin was, the bugs were not. I sighed.

I continued crying. "Please get the rest of them off!"

I felt more pairs of hands on me and, everywhere they touched, they swatted the bugs away. Someone ran their hands up and down my arms and after they did, I was bug free there.

I bolted upright and ran my hands all along my body in an effort to rid the insects from my skin. It worked…mostly. I heard more shouting and suddenly I was being lifted and taken somewhere. I still felt a few bugs on my skin.

I tried swatting them away but, before I could finish, I heard banging and suddenly I was drenched in water. Like literally _drenched_.

My eyes snapped open and I bucked forward with the cold snap back to reality. My chest ached.

I was also in a shower. And the water was ice cold. I tilted my head back and tried to breathe.

"Emma?" I felt someone shake me.

_James._

I launched myself into his arms and we both fell down onto the wet tile below us. I cried. I bawled. I _sobbed_ into James' embrace.

I ran my hands over his back and tried desperately to get him closer to me.

"Oh _God_…" I choked through my tears. He rubbed my back and murmured to me.

"Emma. Emma are you okay?" He asked in an urgent voice. "Are you with me?" He asked.

I pulled back and nodded. "Yes. Yes I'm here."

He reached behind him and turned off the icy spray of water that was chilling both of us to the bone. I clung to him like a lifeline. My body was trembling and I was still absentmindedly swatting at my skin. All of a sudden, Kallie burst into the bathroom.

She opened her shower's sliding glass door and gave us two towels. Everyone followed in after her. There was a general chorus of "Emma, are you okay?" and "What happened?" A few more tears gently dripped down my face.

"Y-Yeah I'm f-fine…" My voice dropped at the end.

James picked me up and carried me bridal style into my bedroom. He addressed the crowd behind him. "We're going to be a minute, stay though. I think Emma might want to explain a few things."

He kicked the door closed and stood me up.

I immediately peeled out of my wet clothes and used the towel to dry off.

"James…"

He was sitting on the floor. His hair was wet and tangled and he was just staring at me with wide, concerned eyes.

"What was that?" He asked in a somber voice.

I pulled out some more pajamas and stepped into them. "It was a panic attack…and a rather severe one at that."

He opened his mouth to speak but a knock at the door occupied his attention.

"James? It's Kendall. I thought you would want some dry clothes."

The door opened and a very worried Kendall handed him a bundle of fabric. He nodded and squeezed Kendall's shoulder before closing the door again.

James turned back to me. "Why? Was it that damn movie that caused it?"

I sat down on the bed and began drying my hair. "Yes. It was the screaming, James. It reminded me of…" I trailed off.

James quickly stripped, changed, and joined me on the bed. "What _happened_, Emma? You had a flashback. What _happened_?"

Could I tell him?

He was sitting across from me watching intently. "James it was just the same horrid things our Father did."

He called me out. "Bull. Kallie had _no_ clue what you were screaming about. How did she not? I thought you said you guys went through the abuse together?"

I sighed. "Not always. Look there were times where our Father wanted to be…_alone_…with us. There are a lot of things Kallie, and I, went through that we just don't tell each other. This was one of those times."

"Why didn't you tell her?" He asked.

"Because I didn't want to scare her and let her know what he would do to me, James! That bastard is fucking _sick_ and I know I got it worse than she did!"

"What did he do?" He asked the question in such a way that it seemed like he really didn't want to know the answer.

My head dropped into my hands. "James you don't need to know." I pretty much whispered it. I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want him to think I was weak.

He tilted my chin up to face him. "I'm a part of your life now and you're a part of mine. When things like this happen I need to know why and what I can do to prevent them in the future."

"You _can't_ prevent them! Don't you see that? I don't even know when I'm going to react to something!" I shouted.

"Tell me, Emma. If nothing else it's a secret you're no longer forced to carry alone."

I stood up. "Fine! Do you really want to hear how he would hold a lighter to my skin? Or how he would throw me on the ground and beat me? When I tried to fight back he would simply _rape_ me, James! Oh then it gets good; he would strap me back into the chair and cut me with his knife! Is that what you want to hear?" I screamed. He looked hurt. He was visibly shaken and the color had drained from his face.

_I thought so._

But he still continued to ask. "Emma why were you screaming things like, 'Get them off of me'?"

I turned away from him and looked at the floor. Tears dripped down into the carpet. "I…I don't know if I can say."

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me close to him. "You can tell me anything, Emma. You have to believe that."

"H-He…oh God. Once when I was tied to a chair a spider crawled onto my arm. I'm _terrified_ of the damn things. I screamed for my dad to get it off but…when he saw how much I feared it, he let it crawl on me. He then decided that from then on he would randomly restrain me and put…"

I was sobbing by this point. I put my head in his shoulder and cried. "P-Please tell me you g-get what I'm saying." I couldn't say it.

_He would put bugs on me and watch me squirm._

James held me tighter. "Yes." I felt tears drop onto my cheek; tears that didn't belong to me. I looked up at James. Sure enough, he had tears running down his face.

"W-Why are you crying?" I asked.

"Because of what he _did_ to you! It's not fair!"

That night we both held each other and cried. My tears were falling for the memories that would never leave me, James' tears falling for the past he couldn't save me from.

**A/N: My goodness, I need to add a fluff chapter in here somewhere. I hope you enjoyed (er, is enjoyed an appropriate word to use?) Anyway, please, please, please leave me a review! I thrive off of them. Honestly there is nothing better than opening my email and seeing reviews and alerts! As usual, please leave any requests or ideas for future chapters! I hope you all have an incredible week(:**

**Oh! And if you have a twitter please feel free to follow me at **_**ScarletRosedrop**_** :D**

**~Rose **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Any of you guys know what RLS is? It stands for Restless Leg Syndrome. And it is the reason you are all getting this chapter now. I can't sleep so the incredible VanillaVanity has been really pushing me to write this(: It's more of a filler chapter, but enjoy it nonetheless! See you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR. Or QTV.**

At some point during the night, James must have gotten up and told everyone else…whatever it was he was going to tell them. I woke up feeling exhausted and drained; both physically and emotionally. More emotionally than anything else, though. James' head was snuggled down into my neck, his arms were wrapped around me, and my back was pressed against his chest.

For a few minutes I just laid there enjoying the warmth of the bed and the way I was laying against him.

When I got up, I had to literally _pry_ myself out of bed. James grumbled a little bit in his sleep and he quickly replaced me with a pillow. I laughed softly. His hair was disheveled and he had such an innocent, happy look on his face.

_God I love him_.

I opened the door to the bathroom and took a deep breath before subjecting myself to the icy tiles.

"Son of a bitch…" I mumbled as I danced on the tiles, struggling to get used to it. The tiles seemed to be mocking me.

Once I stripped out of my pajamas, I turned on the shower and stepped in. The warm water felt absolutely _incredible_. I sunk to the ground and tried to think for a few minutes.

_Ugh. Talk about ruining the party…I doubt they will ever want another movie night. _

But I didn't know I was going to act like that. Seriously. Otherwise I would have been more careful with the movie selections.

I held my head in my hands.

_Why can't I just be normal?_

Sure, I had panic attacks like Kallie, but I could usually control them. I don't know why I completely lost it last night.

_Probably because you knew you could._

Shower conversation with myself? Perfectly normal. Right?

_You 'lost it' because you knew you would be able to._

The voice raised a legit point though. Whenever I had panic attacks before, I controlled them mainly because they scared the shit out of Kallie and I should have been helping _her_ instead of the other way around.

_The guys will take care of you; maybe you just needed to let go._

Hopefully I wouldn't be doing that again anytime soon, though.

Once I was done contemplating the meaning of life, I finished my shower and walked over to the mirror. I had circles under my eyes and I just looked…tired. Shaking my head and slapping my cheeks didn't help either.

I brushed my teeth and opened the bathroom door. James was still sleeping with my pillow.

After I was armed with clothes and makeup, I walked back into the bathroom. I slipped on a matching black push up bra and a black thong, a pair of flared jeans, and a short sleeved navy blue button up shirt.

My hair began falling out of the towel so I re-wrapped it and then put on minimal makeup; some foundation, blush, and mascara. I had to admit I looked a lot better when I was done. I also felt a lot better.

I began reaching for my hair dryer, but my stomach protested with a loud, animalistic growl. I chuckled.

"I suppose I should eat first, huh?"

I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. A glance at the clock told me it was 10:00.

_Ok James, time to wake up._

Even though he would probably hate me for my actions, I wrenched open the heavy, dark curtains that usually kept light _out_ of the room. Sunlight poured in through the large windows and completely illuminated my bedroom.

James rolled over and put my pillow over his head. "Mmrpghf…"

I walked over and began tickling his ribs.

"Come on, James, time to wake up!" My voice sounded like it was directed to a puppy.

He swatted at my hands and grumbled something else before rolling onto the other side of the bed. "Leggo…"

"James! Come on now, the early bird catches the worm!"

He peeked an eye at me. "Gosh how can I turn that down?" He asked in a sarcastic, sleepy tone.

I hit him over the head with a pillow and he anchored down into the bed. He groaned.

And I sighed.

"James, seriously, wake up!" I said as I shook him.

"No! Just five more minutes…I need my beauty sleep!" He shouted into the pillow.

I tried moving him but he had…a _lot_ more muscle than I did.

Suddenly an idea formed in my head.

_This will get him to wake up._

I crawled onto the bed and ran my hands up the back of his legs and over the curve of his ass.

He stayed still.

I squeezed him once before bringing my hand down onto his ass.

I was rewarded with a yelp. "Emma!"

This time he didn't fight when I rolled him over onto his back. Granted, he still kept the pillow over his delicate eyes, but at least he was cooperating.

I straddled him and continued to run my hands over his chest before pulling his sweat pants and boxers down in one move.

That got a response. He bolted upright and stared at me.

"Yes?" I asked in an innocent tone.

"Emma? What are you doing?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "You wouldn't wake up. I'm just helping the natural process. Now lay down." I commanded. He raked his eyes over me and did as he was told.

Once I was back on the bed I parted his legs and knelt between them. I raised an eyebrow.

_Bastard is hard as a rock._

He stood at full attention…all nine inches of him.

"Has someone been having nice dreams?" I asked in a sultry tone. Once again, I heard a reponse I couldn't make out.

I gently blew over his erection and he immediately jerked and sat up. His eyes were wide and _fully_ awake.

"Emma." His tone was…hard to place.

I patted his shoulder. "Oh baby, since you're so sleepy and you _do_ need your beauty sleep, why don't you just lay back down."

And when he didn't, I placed both of my hands on his chest and pushed him back. The look on his face was one of confusion, but he was also excited.

_Obviously._

I wrapped my hand around him and began moving up and down at a ridiculously slow pace. This time James' eyes flashed fire.

I winked and sped up the pace.

"Emma…" He moaned.

I licked my lips and ran my tongue along the underside of his shaft. His hips bucked and he gasped. He also had a death grip on the sheets.

"Oh God don't stop!"

"I don't plan on it, baby."

I took him, well as much of him as I could handle, into my mouth and swirled my tongue all around his erection. More moans were released into the air.

I looked up and took him in. His head was thrown back into the pillows, his mouth was open and his eyes were closed.

_He's so fucking gorgeous._

I continued and bobbed my head up and down. His hands moved from clutching the sheets to wrapping themselves into my hair. When I grazed my teeth gently, ever so gently, along his cock, he pulled my hair and _I_ moaned.

I heard sounds of pleasure drop from his lips. "Fuck, Emma!"

While I was sucking him like a lollipop, I also played with him. In no time I could feel him tightening up to release.

"I'm so close…" He whispered.

_Perfect._

His hold on my hair grew tighter and his body began twitching. After flicking my tongue against the underside of his head, I grasped the tip and began sucking on his balls.

With that, he literally shouted my name and was writhing in the sheets.

When he was right about to release, I stopped everything and got off of the bed.

"Emma? The _fuck?"_ He shouted in rage. His hair was an absolute mess, his cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were enraged.

"You wouldn't wake up when I asked. Next time you will." I winked and moved back to the bed.

"I can, of course, finish up here but I'm going to need you to beg for it." A wicked smirk flashed across my face as I towered over him.

"There's _no_ way I'm going to-" He started his objection, but I reached down and tugged on his long, thick cock once and he hissed and thrusted into my hand.

"What was that?" I cupped my ear and leaned towards him.

I watched him fight an internal battle briefly before grunting and looking up at me.

"Emma I need you to suck me off. Please, I'm so close and you're the only one who can make me feel like this."

I crossed my arms. "Come on, pretty boy, show me what you've got!" I egged on.

He reached out, grabbed me and brought my face to his.

"I need your hot, dirty little mouth on my big dick. I'm so _fucking_ close, Emma and I need you to finish. Fuck me with your tongue and get me off. _Please_." His hazel eyes were wide and pleading. His voice also broke halfway through.

I sighed. "I _suppose_ I can suck you off…"

Not wasting another second, I hopped on the bed and immediately took him into my mouth and began tugging on him. He moaned in pleasure and relief and leaned back on the bed. Within minutes he was once again, at the top of a peak ready to jump off.

I removed my mouth from him and stroked his length while reaching over and grabbing my hair towel from earlier. I put it in front of him and stroked him as fast as I was able to.

"Oh God oh God oh _God!"_ He cried out as he threw his head back.

"Don't stop, _please!"_

With a few more tugs, James shouted my name and he released into the towel I was holding. His speech dissolved into jibberish and tremors ran through his body when I gently tugged him a few times.

Once he was done I threw the towel over the bed and crawled up to give him a kiss.

"Emma, you are a damn goddess!" He whispered before pulling me into a mind meltingly hot and steamy kiss. His mouth completely covered mine and he immediately thrust his tongue into my mouth and began battling for dominance.

I ran my hands up his sides and cupped his face. I briefly sucked on his tongue before breaking the kiss in exchange for a lungful of air.

"Will you get up now?" I panted.

He laughed against my neck. "Yes. I need to take a shower though."

I got off of him and looked back at his form. His tan, sculpted body was sweaty and his cheeks were still red. "Do you have any idea how sexy you are?" I asked.

He laughed and rose from the tangled mess of sheets. "About as sexy as you are sucking me off."

A light blush formed in my cheeks. He tossed me a hairbrush. "You look like there are birds nesting on your head."

"Yeah because you tangled your man hands in it!" I shouted.

He winked and walked into the shower.

_Hot damn._

When my hair looked a little more normal, I sprayed some perfume on, straightened my clothes and walked to the kitchen.

For once, it was only Kallie sitting at the counter eating breakfast. As soon as I walked up behind her she whirled around.

Her features were livid. "I _don't _know what to ask you about first. If you're okay or what the _hell_ was up with that round of morning sex?" I winced as she shouted.

"Whoa. Slow down. Yes, I'm okay and I only gave him a blowjob!" I walked over to the fridge and grabbed an orange and some tea.

"You sure didn't seem fine last night!"

"Did James come out and talk to you guys?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yes. He told us about…everything. I'm _so_ sorry about what he did to you." Her voice softened and her gaze rested on the bowl of cereal in front of her.

"I had no idea you got it that bad." She mumbled.

"Hey. Don't talk about it, okay? Please. I don't want to re-live it any more than I already have."

"Sure. But…you gave him a blowjob?"

The heat in my cheeks turned up in intensity. "Yes…"

"Holy hell girl, you should have _heard_ him! I'm glad Logan isn't here. Seriously you need to give me some tips." She laughed.

"Uh…"

Suddenly her voice became nervous. "Was it…_better_ the second time around?"

I looked up at her. "Yes-" before I could explain, she cut me off.

"How?"

"I knew what to expect…if that makes sense. It's not Dad. It's not miserable; I chose to do it this morning. It's incredible just how much pleasure I can give him. It's such a different experience with James."

Kallie sighed. "That's what I want it to be like with Logan, but he won't let me try again." Her brows furrowed.

"Just openly talk about it with him. And hope for the best. Speaking of Logan, where is he?"

"Kendall came in this morning and told Logan that they were needed to go to Rocque Records for something. James and Carlos have to go in at noon."

I took a bite of my orange. "So it's a girl's day, then?" I asked.

She smiled and shook her head up and down. "Mhmm!"

"Oh and when Kendall came by this morning, he and Logan cleaned up our living room."

I looked at her. "Did they really? I swear these boys are too nice."

_That's…sweet. Really sweet. I need to thank them later._

James then emerged from my bedroom…along with a cloud of hairspray.

"Hey, powder puff, Logan came and said that you and Carlos have to go and see Gustavo around noon." Kallie said.

He walked over and ran a hand through her already disheveled hair. She hissed and slapped it away.

"Hey!"

"James. Leave her alone." I laughed.

He walked over and grabbed something to eat out of the fridge. Just as he was about to take a bite of a banana, someone knocked on the door.

"I got it." I walked over to the large door and swung it open.

"Hey, Carlos!" I stood aside and he came in. "Morning! Where's James?" He asked. I pointed into the kitchen.

"Hey man, Logan called and Gustavo wants us in early." Carlos called out.

A frown formed on James' face. "B-But I was just about to eat my banana…"

The Latino shrugged. "Sorry dude. Logan wasn't messin' around when he said it."

James sighed, gave me a quick kiss, and then followed his shorter friend out the door.

"So…what the hell are we going to do all day?" Kallie groaned.

"I have no clue."

And…we did nothing. Literally, we did nothing. Our day consisted of watching TV, messing around on our laptops, and playing mindless games. We didn't feel like going to the pool, we didn't feel like leaving the Palm Woods, we didn't feel like doing…anything.

Around two in the afternoon, I was sitting on the couch with my feet over the back and my head dangling over the edge. I was absentmindedly kicking my feet against the fabric and humming some random tune.

Kallie was doodling something and the TV was turned onto QTV; the sheer definition of I-am-bored.

Suddenly Kallie's phone rang. I groaned out. "Why can't someone call _me_?"

She immediately jumped up and answered it.

"Hello?"

She burst into a smile, "Hey baby!"

I kicked my feet off of the back of the sofa and let the blood rush out of my head.

"That sounds great! Yes I'll be ready. Love you too!"

She hung up and put her new phone back on the floor.

"Oh yeah, guess who has a date tonight? Me!" She did a little happy dance.

"Not fair! But I hope you and Logan have fun. Where is he taking you?" I asked.

"Out to dinner and then he said we could might be able to go take a walk on the beach." She smiled. "He said he would pick me up at five. He also said that they're almost done recording."

I thought aloud. "Why didn't James call?"

Kallie shrugged. "Wanna help me find something to wear?"

I sighed. "Sure. Why not?" We proceeded into her bedroom. Logan had moved into her place just as James had moved into mine. I saw some of his clothes and other various things scattered, neatly, throughout the room.

"Ok. So. What should I wear?" She asked as she opened her closet.

"Well…he said you might be going to the beach so…jeans, a cute blouse and a sweater?" I suggested.

She nodded and started flipping through clothes. Suddenly she tossed a pair of jeans, still on the metal hanger, behind her and they hit me in the head.

"Ow! Kallie! Watch it." I mumbled as I rubbed my head.

She turned back. "Sorry!"

I pulled the flared jeans off of the hanger. They were a light blue/crème-ish color. She then picked out a flower print blouse and a black sweater to go with it. Lastly she added her favorite pair of tennis shoes.

"Do you think that will look good?" She asked.

I nodded. "It's been pretty windy today; I'd try clipping your hair back or something."

"Good idea. Now out so I can get ready!" Then, as fast as she wanted me in, she shooed me out.

I grumbled my way back to the living room and slid down to the floor. The TV was advertising some sort of Rhodolite necklace.

I sighed. _How can there be nothing to do?_

I _instantly_ perked up when I heard my phone ring.

"Hello?"

"_Hey babe."_

"Hey James! What's up?" My tone turned a little too cheery and preppy for my own good.

I heard him chuckle. _"Well well well, someone's happy to talk to me._"

"You have no idea how freaking bored I am. Seriously."

"_Then I'm glad I called. Kendall, Carlos and I were going to head up to the beach when we got back and then go see a movie. I was calling to see if you-"_

Before he could finish I cut him off. "Yes!"

"_Good to hear it. We will be coming back in about…30 minutes. Can you be ready-"_

Again, I cut him off. "Yes!"

He laughed. _"You crazy girl. Ok see you soon. Love you."_

"Love you too." When I hung up I punched the air in victory and proceeded to my bedroom. James' stuff was, as usual, all over the place. I straightened up a little bit before walking to my own closet.

I put on a simple black swimsuit under a soft, teal dress. I had no clue if I was going to be getting wet, but I wanted to be prepared if I did. In my bag I threw in a thong, a bra, and another small little sun dress I could fold up nicely.

After I put my hair up in a bun and fluffed out my bangs, I put on some light makeup and walked back out into the living room. Kallie was still in her room getting ready so I left her a note.

_Kallie,_

_I'm going with James, Carlos and Kendall to the beach and then to the movies. Have fun with Logan! I will be home whenever. Love you._

_-Emma_

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went back to watching QTV as I waited for the guys. Just when I had my cell phone out and ready to call in for a tourmaline necklace, I heard someone knock on the door.

I grabbed my stuff and opened the door to find James, Carlos and Kendall all ready to go. Each were wearing a pair of swim trunks and a tank top.

"Um…I don't think this is suitable attire for a cinema." I said.

"What did she say?" Carlos asked with a confused look on his face.

Kendall translated. "She said that we're too under-dressed to go to the movies."

"Oh."

James shrugged. "Big deal, we just spend the day at the beach then."

"Works for me. We ready to go?" I asked. They all nodded. When we started walking down the stairway a thought occurred to me. "What car are we going in?"

"Oh, Gustavo offered to pay for a rental until you guys get a car of your own." Kendall said.

I froze. "And nobody _told_ me?" I shouted.

They all looked at me. "Surprise?"

"When did this happen?" I asked.

Kendall spoke. "Today actually. After we got done recording."

I slapped my palm to my forehead and continued following them down the stairwell. When we arrived at…_my_…rental car, we all piled in. I ended up having to drive. James sat shotgun and Kendall and Carlos sat in the back.

Once we arrived at the beach, we all got out and descended the steps down to the beach. It was a clear afternoon and the ocean was calm. It literally looked like glass. Carlos immediately ran to the water and began walking in it.

James kissed me on the cheek and ran down to push Carlos in. Kendall was the only one who stayed with me to walk up in the sand.

"You jerk!" I heard a sopping wet Carlos shout. The smaller boy then pounced on James and both went tumbling into the water.

"He's absolutely crazy about you." Kendall said.

"How so?" I asked, pretending to be oblivious.

"He _always_ talks about you. Kind of like the way Logan never shuts up about Kallie." He laughed.

I leaned down and saw the imprint of a buried sand dollar and dug it up. "Does it ever bother you?"

He looked puzzled. "Does what ever bother me?"

"The fact that Kallie and I are like breaking up your group. Logan and James are always with us instead of you…"

He shook his head. "No. Seriously, and hey! We're with you a lot, too you know."

I gave him a hug. "I know."

He suddenly scratched his neck and his cheeks started to turn red. "Uh…can I ask something…personal?"

I nodded.

"Er…has Logan…had sex with Kallie?" The last part came out incredibly rushed and I had to ask him to repeat it.

Then _my_ cheeks turned red. "Why…?"

"Because he came to me and asked for a condom…" His voice trailed off.

I started laughing. "Oh! Don't worry about it Kendall, honestly."

Eager to change the subject, Kendall pointed to the big barrier of rocks between the beach and the mainland. It helped prevent erosion.

"Wanna climb up?" he asked. "I bet I can get to the top faster than you!"

"You're on!" I dropped the sand dollar and, even though I was in a dress, we began climbing up the rocks.

I scrambled over the large pieces of granite, desperate to reach the top before Kendall. I struggled to steady myself but I ended up at the top.

Kendall was already sitting there. "Damn you!" I shouted in a laugh.

I stood on the edge of a particular rock and caught my breath. "Oh don't worry, I'm sure you will win…one day."

I turned to smack him, but I lost my footing. My stomach flipped and I fell headfirst down into the boulders.

**A/N: So it is now 1:30 in the morning and I have to get up in…4 hours -_- So please leave a review to keep me awake tomorrow, okay?(: Also, I posted a Kendall/OC PWP-ish one shot earlier today called In the Light of the Moon. Go check it out!(: Love you all!**

**~Rose**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello and happy *checks clock* Tuesday!(: It is still Tuesday out here, but you will all be reading this tomorrow so…Happy Wednesday! I hope you all have had an incredible week so far. I, however, received my school registration notice so…I've had better days d: ANYWAY! Moving on to the story, I hope you all enjoy! And, as always, please excuse any typos you may find.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR.**

My stomach dropped as I began to fall forward down the slope of jagged rocks in front of me. I looked back to Kendall, who was already reaching out to grab me. I felt his hand lock onto my wrist.

_If I was going to fall, he was going to come along for the ride._

Once his grip was painfully tight, he wrenched me backwards. The force that was driving me forwards reversed and I crashed backwards onto a boulder. I felt the wind rush out of me and I _knew_ I was going to have bruises the next day.

A flash of pain shot upwards through my back and I cried out briefly.

Kendall released his grip on my wrist and I turned to look at him. He was breathing deeply, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were still wide with panic. Immediately I crawled up to the large, flat boulder he was on and I threw myself into his arms.

Tears of relief, and fear, were streaming down my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.

"T-Thank you, Kendall." I uttered the words with as much emotion as I could muster. I snuggled my head down into his shoulder and inhaled deeply. His scent filled my nose and seemed to envelope me.

"S-Sure thing, Emma." His voice shook just as badly as my body was. I very easily could have died. _Very_ easily.

I pulled back and looked at him. "You saved my life."

Right away he objected. "You probably wouldn't have-"

I didn't let him finish. In a daring move I silenced his lips with mine. He stilled, but responded to the kiss. His lips were incredibly soft and warm. They melded with mine in a way unique to _us_. The soft fabric of his shirt felt perfectly at home under my wandering fingertips.

My hands gently ran up and down his toned back. He tensed under the brief touch.

I basked in the gentleness of the kiss for a brief moment and then pulled back. "Kendall if you weren't here I would be on my way to the hospital. Thank you." My hazel eyes locked with his bright green ones.

A silent message was communicated.

"Let's start walking back down, but let's be _careful_ shall we?" Kendall laughed nervously. I nodded and heavily concentrated on my footing. There was a slight throbbing in my lower back, but other than being pretty shaken up, I was completely fine.

Kendall reached the sand before I did and when I was close, he held out his arms. I laced my hands with his and jumped onto the warm beach. A slight thrill pricked my skin at his touch.

Before I had time to think about what that feeling meant, Kendall interrupted my thoughts. "There they are, let's go meet them before they kill themselves."

Sure enough, James and Carlos were taking turns dunking each other beneath the waves. When Kendall and I walked up, they stopped and looked at us. James playfully winked at me and, while he was distracted, Carlos pounced onto his back and knocked him down.

When he came up, he touched a long piece of seaweed in his hair and screamed.

"_Carlos!"_ The smaller boy took the cue to _run_. He fled down the beach and James was hot on his trail. Kendall was doubled over in laughter at the spectacle. "Oh God he's going to get Carlos for that one!"

I smiled a proud smile while watching them. James, with his longer legs, had caught up with Carlos and took the piece of seaweed from his hair and put it down Carlos' swim trunks. James then slapped the Latino's butt and took off running back to us.

Carlos was doing some sort of dance in an effort to get the slimy weed out of his pants. Disgusted squeaks embellished the dance moves.

I was rolling on the beach with Kendall laughing at his antics. James ran back to us and, in one quick move, leaped over our bodies and hid behind us.

"Quick, Emma, is my hair messed up?" James asked.

I shrugged. "Only a lot." And in truth, it was. He had salt-encrusted tangles and bits of plant life from the sea floor sticking in it. I ran a hand through his hair and he cried out in pain when I hit a knot.

"Oh, hush." I gently finger combed it out and helped him pick the rest of the debris out of his locks.

"There? Happy?" I asked. He nodded and kissed me on the lips. I could feel Kendall's eyes watching the entire time.

_And I didn't know how to feel about that._

The rest of the afternoon went by in a wet, sandy blur. Carlos and James were constantly trying to get back at each other. Just when the white flag was in sight, one of them would do something to make it disappear again.

Kendall and I spent most of the afternoon together; although he did join in on the fun with Carlos and James a few times. Neither of us mentioned the kiss, but every time our bodies touched, we would move a little further away.

When the sun was just about to set, I was sitting with James on the steps that led to the beach. He had a towel around him and I was leaning on his arm.

"Can you come over tonight?" I ran my nails along the exposed flesh of his arm. I could feel a shiver run through him.

He shook his head and took a brief pause before answering me. "Not tonight. Right before we picked you up I got a call from a friend back in Minnesota. He said he was going on a road trip and he was originally planning on stopping by tomorrow morning, but he left early and he's going to be coming through tonight and wants to go out to dinner and catch up."

My eyebrows furrowed. "But...why come here if you're going to need to shower and go out to dinner?"

He turned to me and kissed me on the forehead. "Because I got to see you in a bikini."

"James!" I slapped him on the thigh. He responded by turning my way and enfolding me in a bear hug.

"I got to spend extra time with you; I wasn't going to give that up." He murmured into my ear.

Even though he was still in the process of drying off, I snuggled into him.

Suddenly, Kendall's frightened scream interrupted us. "Ahh! _Guys! Help!"_ Carlos, who was the closest, immediately ran to his friend and helped him out of the water. When James and I got to him, Kendall was shouting curse words and gasping in pain.

Without saying a word, Kendall yanked down his swimming trunks and fell into the sand. We all turned away and covered our eyes.

"Dude! What the heck?" Carlos asked.

"I got stung by a damned jellyfish!" Kendall shouted. James tossed the towel to Kendall who covered up his lap with it.

"It still feels like it's stinging!" He cried.

I knelt beside him. "That's because it still might be. Where did it sting you?" I asked.

He pointed to a spot on his thigh. Sure enough, a large tentacle was still connected to his skin. I peeled out of my dress and wrapped it around my hand before gently removing the object.

Kendall hissed when I touched his skin. But once it was gone, he relaxed a little. However, a red raised welt was beginning to form. "Fuck, Emma, it _hurts_!"

"Emma what are we supposed to do?" Carlos asked quietly.

_Um…_

"Well…" Yeah that was a mistake. Did I really want to suggest this? No.

Kendall stared at me with wide eyes. "Well?"

I slapped my hands to my sides. "Fuck. Kendall someone needs to pee on your thigh."

_God help me I never thought I would say those words…_

"_What?" _Everyone shouted at the same time. Kendall looked absolutely horrified.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Just…don't even. It will help the stinging. Now," I looked to Carlos and James, "which one of you is it going to be?" I asked. You could see everyone's cheeks go red.

James sighed. "I went to the bathroom recently, I can't do it."

"No offense Kendall, but I am _not_ going to pee on you." I looked at Carlos. "I guess it leaves you."

He began to stutter and flail his hands. "B-But I c-can't…."

Kendall hit his fists into the sand. "_Look!_ I don't care who on God's green Earth does it, but my thigh _hurts_. I'm not making that up. So someone suck it up and help!"

"Why can't you just do it, Kendall?" Carlos asked.

"Because I went to the bathroom shortly after James did. I don't need to…" Kendall's green eyes met Carlos brown ones. "Have you gone at all today?"

Carlos looked down before shaking his head. "Ah man guys! There's no way I want to do this!"

Kendall was adamant. "And you think I _want_ you to?"

"Carlos! Just pee on the towel and hold it on his thigh. Once you're done go soak the towel in the ocean and rinse off his leg. Then let's go home." I looked at the Latino. "Can you do that?"

"But Emma…" He began to protest in a whiny voice but James cut him off. "_Carlos_! Just do it!"

"FINE! But I don't want you guys here when I do!" He shouted.

James grabbed my hand. "We're going to go up to the car. Come up when you're done."

Carlos let out a groan and went to help Kendall up. "Let's at least go behind the stairs so no one will see."

"Oh wait! Here," I tossed Kendall my dress, "use this to cover up while he's using the towel."

"Uh…thanks, Emma…" His voice was flat.

While Carlos and Kendall disappeared under the stairs, James and I climbed the steps and walked up to the parking lot. We were the last car left. The wind was beginning to pick up and the sun was just starting to set.

Swirls of neon colors were just beginning to paint the sky and a few clouds lazily wafted along in the upper atmosphere. A light, warm breeze blew across the beach.

"Weird. There's always _somebody_ here…" James said.

"_Carlos! Watch it…AHH!" _Kendall's scream broke through the air.

James looked back to the stairs. "Uh…"

I changed the subject. "I'm going to change really quickly."

"Why? You're dry."

"Because I'm sweaty and salty!" I laughed.

James grabbed my hips, backed me into the car, and ran his tongue up the side of my neck. I involuntarily grabbed his head and moaned. I felt a feeling of…_need._

"James…"

He did it again and then backed away. "You taste just fine to me." He then flashed me an adorable smile.

His facial expressions shot straight to my core. I just sat back and watched as a strong feeling of lust took over my body.

"James." My voice was simply laced with want. And he could see that. In one quick move, he hooked his arm around my waist, pulled me to him and opened the car door. "Get in."

I sure as _hell_ didn't object.

I sat on the back seat and, once he was in, he closed the door.

"James?"

My hand reached out to his, but he avoided it and immediately went for my core. "Fuck!" I hissed when he pressed his hand against me.

James looked to me and scooted closer. "You down?"

Without really knowing what I agreed to, I nodded.

"Great." He shot me _the_ sexiest grin he possessed. That alone elicited a small moan from me.

He grabbed my ankles and turned me so that I was leaning against the door. Then he pulled my bottoms off, spread my legs as best as he could, and settled between them. He kissed the inside of my thigh gently. I squirmed as his wet, warm, soft lips brushed against my sensitive skin.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the window. He spread me apart and instantly connected his mouth to me. My hips bucked and I let out a cry of pleasure. He worked me fast and quickly, his tongue moved expertly in and out of my folds. He knew just how much pressure to apply to my clit to make me scream.

He sucked me roughly; we didn't have an unlimited amount of time. The idea of Carlos and Kendall catching us made it exciting and exhilarating. He was going to make me orgasm _fast_ and _hard._ His tongue flicked against my clit as his fingers pumped in and out of me.

Within a few minutes I was desperately grabbing the car seat, the handle to the door, James, and _everything_ else within hand-grabbing distance.

"Oh God…"

James then sucked me between his teeth and moaned, which sent incredible, mind bending vibrations through the most sensitive parts of my body. My grip on his head tightened and I pulled his hair.

"James, I'm gonna-" Before I had the chance to finish the sentence, I came against him…hard. Usually, he would continue working me in an effort for me to experience the high just a little bit longer, but this time he stopped and immediately put his lips on mine.

I opened my mouth and his tongue melded with mine. I clawed at his back while I rode out my orgasm. His hands trailed up my sides and he cupped my face. My breathing was still really uneven, but I matched the fierceness of his kiss.

Eventually, when my body slowed and the strong feelings subsided, I broke the kiss and deeply inhaled.

"Is there anything you can't do?" I asked in a dreamy voice.

He laughed and kissed my nose. "Yeah. Control myself around you. I'm going to go stand outside the car; you get dressed."

I kissed him back. Once his sculpted body was standing on the pavement, I stripped and changed into the underclothes and dress I brought. When I was done I walked out and joined James. The colors in the sky were a little deeper, and the wind was constant.

"Uh…where are they?" I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against his shoulder.

He pulled me into him and shrugged. "I have no clue. I heard Kendall curse a minute ago but they haven't come back yet."

I was just about to say something when I spotted Carlos coming up the stairs. "There they are!"

"Carlos does _not_ look happy…"

The brown eyed boy did an awkward speed walk towards us. "Hey man is Kendall-"

Before James could finish, Carlos cut him off. "We _never_ speak of this. Got it?" We were shocked at the seriousness of his tone. His cheeks were flushed and he was breathing deeply.

James and I simply nodded. Carlos slid into the backseat and slammed the door closed.

I looked up at James. "What…?" James simply shook his head.

A few seconds later we saw Kendall come up from the beach. He, like Carlos, sported flushed cheeks and looked extremely awkward. However, he was walking fine and didn't seem in too much pain.

I decided to test the waters. "Kendall?"

He held up both of his hands. "No. I will _never_ speak of what just happened. And neither will you guys." His voice wasn't angry like Carlos, but he wasn't joking.

"Of course." I nodded.

"Oh, here's your dress back." He tossed me the surprisingly warm piece of fabric and then walked to the car. Watching him slide into the backseat, it was obvious he was tired. It was in his voice and obvious on his face.

"Um…let's get back so you can go meet up with your friend." I sighed.

I froze when his hand locked around my wrist. "Um…don't tell anyone else about it, ok?"

"Why not?"

He stuttered. "W-Well you see they d-don't really like him and they-" I pressed a finger to his lips. "Got it."

He smiled.

One long, awkward car ride later, we arrived back at the Palm Woods. I headed back to my room and the guys headed back to theirs. Once the door was closed I walked over to the fridge and grabbed some water and a small bowl of fruit.

When I sat down at the island, I realized that my note to Kallie was still resting on the granite top. She had briefly scrawled something underneath my part of the message.

_Emma,_

_Have fun! Logan promised we wouldn't stay out long. I should be back by 10?_

_-Kallie_

My eyes fell to rest on a nearby clock; it was currently 8:48. The silence surrounded me as I ate; I didn't turn on the TV or the radio. I just sat and thought about nothing in particular.

When the last strawberry had been eaten and my clean body was stepping out of the shower, I finally returned the calls my bed had been making.

A loud sigh wafted from my lips and permeated the silent, still air around me. The cool, soft sheets were tucked around my body and were sitting gently on my skin. My eyes were closed and the darkness shrouded me like a blanket.

In short? I was walking a path to slumber. But before I got there, I heard the front door open and Kallie and Logan walk in.

Due to the lack of noise in the apartment, I was able to hear their conversation. And me, being the nosy older sister I am, decided to listen.

I heard Kallie talk first, "Can you _believe_ that guy?"

"The guy with the speedo? Ugh seriously there needs to be a weight limit on those things." Logan laughed.

"God you're not kidding! Can we head back to my room? I'm tired…and Emma and I have to go spend the day with Gustavo tomorrow." She sighed.

"Of course, babe, let's go." When their footsteps got louder, I heard Kallie pause.

"Wait. Hold on a sec…" Suddenly I heard a knock on my door. "Emma? Emma are you awake?"

I stayed silent and still.

"She's out. We don't have to be careful of what we."

I heard a laugh. "As if we ever are?"

Her door open and closed.

"Mmm, Logan come sit."

A few minutes of quiet whispers passed before I could hear anything. And when I _did_ hear something, the awkward level shot through the roof.

"Oh, _Logan!_ Oh God don't stop!" Kallie practically shouted.

_Uh-oh…_

A few seconds of loud moaning passed. "Oh God, fuck me with that tongue, baby! _Don't_ _stop!"_ Kallie cried out. Fuck. I could feel the heat rise into my cheeks.

_I guess this is how Kallie feels when James and I have sex._

I made a note to apologize to her first thing tomorrow. I put a pillow over my head, but it didn't stop anything. Kallie's cries of pleasure tore through the air.

"Logan! Oh Logan do that again!"

Even putting my fingers in my ears didn't stop the noises. I felt that by listening I was encroaching on her privacy…but if she didn't tone it down then it was going to stay that way.

Kallie's voice was high. "I'm going to come, Logan! I'm so _fucking_ close!"

And, before anyone could say or do anything else, she came. And judging by the sound of the scream, she came _hard_.

The next time I heard someone, it was Logan.

"Kallie, are you sure about this?" Logan's voice was uncertain.

"Yes, baby, I want to make you feel as good as I did."

A few minutes later, it was Logan moaning in pleasure.

"Kallie! _Fuck_!"

_Ugh…_

"God your mouth feels so good on my dick…" My cheeks flamed. _I don't want to be hearing this!_

Once I was buried beneath tons of blankets and pillows, the sounds became more muffled, but I could still hear the primal cries of enjoyment.

"Kallie stop or I'm going to come!"

After a few more hushed comments went by, and then I heard Kallie cry out. I instantly shot up; it wasn't a cry of pleasure, it was a cry of pain.

"Logan! Fuck, not that fast!" I heard Kallie shout.

Logan immediately responded, "Shit, Kallie I am _so_ sorry!"

"It's fine just…please go slow."

Within about…five minutes…Kallie had apparently grown sick of Logan "going slow".

She screamed; this time in pleasure. "Fuck, Logie! Faster, _please!"_

"God, Kallie, you're so fucking tight!" His voice was strained.

"You're so _big_! Harder, please baby I'm almost there!"

I could hear Logan grunting and Kallie moaning. Snuggling deeper under the covers wasn't going to help this one.

Their noises got louder. And louder. And louder. Kallie was screaming things you wouldn't even hear in a porno and Logan was doing the same thing. If the sounds they were making wasn't enough to make me want to crawl under a rock, their dirty talk _was._

"_FUCK_! Logan, I'm going to…_AH!_" Kallie _screamed_ her release. A moment later, Logan cried out his as well.

"Kallie! _Shit!_"

They both moaned as they rode out their orgasms.

And I was curled up under all of my blankets and pillows wishing I could melt into the mattress.

**A/N: Well I hope you loved it and, as always, **_**please**_** leave me a review! Seriously guys I absolutely love seeing those little reviews in my inbox. So make me happy and leave me one, k?(: **

**~Rose**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Happy Tuesday my incredible readers! :D I know it's been awhile since I've updated, but blame my busy schedule for that. HOWEVER! To make up for that, this is a super long chapter. Seriously right now it's at 21 pages and 8,000+ words. Wow. My longest yet!(: I am super, super eager to get this one posted. I have mixed feelings about it, so please make some mental notes throughout and share them in a review!**

**This chapter is dedicated to the incredible, the lovely, the amazing, the wonderful: VanillaVanity! You keep me motivated and offer some incredible ideas. Love you! *heart*And I hope you love your little surprise at the end ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

"_Emma…" I knew that voice. I recognized the way it whispered, the way it carried._

_Kallie._

"_Why? Why?" She was repeating the same question over and over again. It was as if that simple word was the only thing left in the world that mattered. It was filled with such emotion, such want, such need. The normally melodic voice was thin and breathy. Almost…as if in pain?_

"_Why, Emma? Why?" This time there was more than pain. I knew what it meant when her voice tightened like that. Sadness…sadness and…anger._

_I opened my eyes that I didn't even know had shut. My lids fluttered up and my eyelashes danced across my field of vision. Everything was…hazy. Fog like. Misty. I was able to make out her figure though._

_She was curled onto a dirty, wooden floor in the fetal position; tremors ran throughout her small body. Her auburn hair was hopelessly tangled and…crusting? The ends looked hard and pointed. They also shined with a liquid like gloss in the dim light._

"_Kallie?" My voice cracked slightly. My entire body was numb, I couldn't feel anything but I could register the amount of pain that was hidden beneath it._

_A frosted over window sat behind her. When she rose up on her knees, a halo appeared around her figure and miniscule particles of dust gently danced and fluttered in the rays that shone from around her figure. She was wearing a torn white…no. It was a light purple… No…it was a mint green? No that wasn't quite right either. It…altered colors while still maintaining the same base hue._

_I couldn't place it._

_But whatever the color happened to be, it was stained with large splotches of crimson._

"_K-Kallie?" I tried again. My voice was nothing but a strained whisper. A heavy gloom was settled over the room and the heaviness made it hard to breathe. The despair was tangible._

_Kallie kept her head down, but she still asked the same question. "Why?" This time tears laced her voice._

"_W-Why what, baby?" I slid my hand across the floor, not caring about the splinters that were now embedded in my skin. Once my hand reached hers, she snatched it away at an inhuman speed. Her body bolted upright at an unnatural angle, and the dress that adorned her slim body flowed straight down to the floor._

_Something was wrong, though. She refused to look me in the eyes._

_Suddenly a cry of anguish tore through the still air. "Why couldn't you stop this?" She shouted, gesturing all around her._

_Stop…what? I couldn't remember…well, anything._

_I slowly panned around the room. It appeared to be just a big, dirty room. No furniture, no artwork, nothing. Well…except for the bodies. There were beaten bodies lying around the room, each one was turned away from Kallie and I._

_But that wasn't stopping the various blood types from slowly mixing and staining the floor._

"_You_swore_to me that they wouldn't find us!" She shrieked._

"_What…happened?" I asked in a dazed tone. How did we get here?_

_Kallie dropped to her already bleeding knees and crawled over to me. Her icy, pale hand suddenly shot out and locked around my throat. I instantly began clawing at the firm grip, but she didn't loosen her hold. She tightened it._

"_Look at them, you bitch! Look at what you caused! They're all dead! They're all fucking dead because of you!" She lifted her gaze to mine. And I cried out a choked, strangled scream._

_What the hell is this?_

_Her eyes were black. Pitch black. They were glazed over. No hint of the bright blue that reminded me of the sky, no sparkle that reminded me of the stars, no happiness that reminded me of a warm summer evening. Just…a deep, soul less black. Blood smeared her face and her tears were falling freely._

"_Look at them! Look at them!" She screeched as she shook my neck._

_I slowly turned to face the bodies._

_And my heart exploded._

_Carlos. Kendall. Katie. Mrs. Knight. Gustavo. Kelly. Logan._

_James._

_And…now they were all facing us. Each body was clothed in some sort of a rag or sheet and they were all placed in a fetal position with their head positioned at a straight angle. Deep gashes and cuts littered the bodies and blood was freely pouring from them. Parts were…disfigured, but their eyes were perfectly intact._

_Perfectly intact…and staring at me. Their lifeless eyes were boring straight into my lifeless soul._

"_Kallie…what…happened?" I choked out in between blocked breaths._

"_No! You don't deserve to call me that! You mean nothing." She spat at me._

_I was desperately trying to piece together what had happened, but I remembered_nothing._Absolutely_nothing._I tried, I tried to the point where tears fell from my eyes._

_But that only infuriated Kallie more. "Stop! They deserve better than your meaningless tears. You caused this! You don't get the privilege to mourn them!"_

_Before I had the chance to say anything more, she released her grip on my throat. I collapsed to the floor in a head. Flashes of pain were beginning to break through the numbness._

_My eyes watched in horror as she picked up a very, very bloody knife. She came back to me._

"_I'm going to kill you! I'm going to dance as the life leaves your body." Her voice was pure venom._

_She brought the knife across my body several times, and each time she did, it broke down the barrier I was hiding behind. Soon I was writhing in pain on the floor._

_Kallie just laughed._

_When I expected her to make the final blow that would kill me, she stopped. I didn't recognize her. I didn't want to. She took pleasure in my pain, she laughed at my screams._

"_You don't deserve death."_

_With that, she cried out and plunged the knife into her chest. The breath left her chest and she fell to the floor, her blood mixing with that of those around her._

_Before I could do anything, the whole scene exploded in a flash of white and a loud, shrill sound._

_No!_ Sweat was pouring down my face and I was shaking. Like oh-shit-we're-having-an-earthquake-shaking. My fist slammed down onto the alarm clock and silenced the harsh, jarring noise.

_Today. Is. Going. To. Suck._

How the hell was I supposed to face everyone after having a dream like that?

_Simple, you wake up with an ice cold shower._

After un-tangling my feet from the vice-like sheets, I stripped on my way into the bathroom and, before I had a second to think, I jumped under the ice-cold spray of water.

_Fuck!_

I showered in record time; the water chilled me to the bone and I wanted a fluffy towel and James naked on my bed.

_James._

God I needed him right now.

Once I was out of the shower, I stood in front of the mirror. My dark hazel eyes were dull. I was _exhausted_ and I looked the part. I had circles under my eyes and I was just…not there. My thoughts were flying around at a hundred miles an hour.

I sunk down onto the cold, tile floor.

_Kallie's eyes…_

_James' blood…_

_Everyone…dead…_

_Their damned eyes…._

_All my fault._

No. I need to get this dream out of my head.

_Kallie's voice. She laughed at your pain._

But Kallie would never do that.

_Even if you took away Logan?_

No!

_Somebody's confident._

Stop! Just stop!

_I'll be back later._

Fresh tears slowly dripped down my face and onto my legs. I slammed my fist against the ground.

_I'm in no condition to record today._

Hell, I'm in no condition to _socialize_ today.

But somehow, I managed to get ready. I was wearing a simply black skirt and a pale pink blouse. My cocoa colored hair was styled into a cute pinned up bun and my bangs were extra fluffy. A single piece of hair fell gently on the right side of my face and I quickly curled it.

Once I added some perfume, sandals and jewelry, I looked pretty damn sexy. That gave me some confidence and a put a spring in my step.

After a mental prep-talk, I walked out into the living room.

I tried to fake the biggest smile I could when I saw Kallie and Logan sitting at the table.

_Her eyes…_

"Geez, well I'm glad _somebody_ had a good night last night!" I whistled.

Logan instantly blushed and Kallie turned around in her chair to face me.

_See? Her eyes are blue._

"Hey hey hey! Logan and I were just trying to compete with your…_sessions_ with Jamie." She winked.

I pulled out a chair and sat down. "Okay, so we're even now?" I asked.

"Hell no! You and James still scream louder." Kallie slapped my arm.

Now it was _my_ turn to blush.

Logan turned to me and stared. "The color looks good on you." He smirked.

I looked up. "I'm sorry…what?"

He took a bite of a blueberry muffin he was munching on. "The color in your cheeks. You look beautiful with that blush." His voice was sincere…but a _little_ cautious.

I smiled and met his gaze. "Thank you, Logan." I patted his arm gently. His skin was soft, smooth, and warm.

_Like James._

"So what time do we have to go meet with Gustavo?" Kallie asked.

I panned the room looking for the wall clock. "About…20 minutes. So we should probably hurry."

"I'm going to go get dressed." Kallie announced after she got up out of her chair. "Be right back."

"What are you guys all doing today?" I asked Logan.

He walked around and took Kallie's chair. "Oh…man I have no clue." He sighed. "I think Carlos said something about wanting to go see some new action movie that came out."

I nodded. "Can we all meet up back here later on and just chill?"

"Of course. We always do, don't we?" His signature smile sat on his face. I smiled right back. "Yes."

About five minutes later, Kallie emerged from her bedroom. She was wearing a simple white cotton sundress with her auburn hair tousled slightly.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

I nodded and, after she gave a quick kiss to Logan, we began our drive over to Rocque Records.

_Gustavo and Kelly, dead. Because of you._

No. I am not going to think about that.

_Too late._

I tried to divert my attention on what Kallie was blabbering on about.

"…and I mean it's not like I didn't _think_ about it, ya know? I'm not just going to do that and not meditate over the decision first." Kallie was making wild hand gestures and focusing her bright blue eyes on me.

_Wait, what is she talking about?_

"Emma…?" She popped her eyes open and shook her head at me. "Did you even listen to what I just said?"

"Uh…"

She sighed and slapped her hands back into her lap. "You constantly zone out on me! I was _saying_that I thought through my decision to have sex with Logan and-"

"Whoa, Kallie I never said you didn't!" I looked at her and laughed slightly.

She pressed her back into the seat. "I know but _just_ in case you were wondering."

"I respect your decision, sis. I know you thought it through…how was it?" I lowered my voice at the end.

With that question she shot forward in her seat and turned to face me.

"Oh my _God!_ It was amazing. Seriously! He was so gentle at first and, holy _shit_, Emma, the guy is _huge_ and his tongue? That man knows how to work it. He's so dominant in…."

_Gustavo and Kelly, dead. Because of you. Kallie laughing at your pain. James._

No! I'm not going to think about this.

_Why? You know you're guilty._

I haven't done anything!

_Yet._

For the rest of the drive I listened to Kallie gush about Logan. I added my opinion in at the appropriate times, but I mostly let her talk. My emotions were running high from earlier and I just couldn't shake that damned dream.

Maybe James could help.

By the time we got to Rocque Records, I knew _way_ too much personal information about Logan, and the exact reasons behind Kallie's screams.

"Good morning, ladies!" Gustavo greeted when we walked into the studio, "Get your voices warmed up, we've got a long day ahead of us."

And a long day it was turning out to be. We recorded some finishing background vocals on a few songs and started on some others. By the time we were done, a huge chunk of our album was knocked out of the way.

I tried to throw all of the emotions I was feeling+ into the songs we were recording, and it _exhausted_ me to the bone. I was strung out and my throat ached.

Every few minutes Kallie was texting Logan, and Gustavo yelled at her quite a bit for it. When we were getting ready to leave, Gustavo thanked us for a good day's work and finished scolding Kallie for being unprofessional.

"I'm sorry! It won't happen again. I swear." Kallie mumbled with her head down.

Gustavo raised his voice. "It better not, or your phone is going to end up nailed to the wall. Got it?"

Kallie quickly nodded and mumbled something else.

I grabbed her arm and began leading her to the door. "Bye guys we will see you on Friday!" I quickly offered before leaving the studio.

"What the hell was so important that you had to text Logan all day?" I asked when we began descending the stairs.

Kallie blushed. "I just wanted to talk to him, okay?" Before I had a chance to respond, she quickly changed the subject. "Are we meeting the guys later?"

"Logan said the guys might come over later."

"Can you call James and see?"

I dug around in my purse. "Sure."

I quickly dialed his number and held the small device to my ear. After a few rings he picked up.

"_Hey babe!"_ His voice. Just the mere sound of him speaking elevated my spirits immensely.

I smiled. "Hey. Kallie and I just got done with Gustavo and we wanted to know if you guys were going to come over later or something…?"

"_Sure! We all just went and saw some action flick and we should be back at the Palm Woods around…four-ish?"_

"Sounds good! See you then!"

"_Love you."_I could practically hear the smile in his voice. It sent a shiver through me.

"Love you too."

I ended the call and put the phone back in my purse.

Kallie stood with her hands on her hips. "So?"

"_So_, the guys will be over around four. Let's head back." We finished descending the stairs and, by four o'clock, we were entering the apartment.

Kallie immediately changed into a pair of sweats and, adorably, a graphic tee of Logan's. I also changed, but into a short pair of black shorts and a red tank top. By the time we heard a knock on the door, we had curled up on the couch and turned on some movie.

"Emma?" Kallie asked in a whiny tone.

I smacked her over the head. "You are so freaking lazy."

"It's hereditary."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the door. _Smart Ass._

"Yeah, when you have an older sister who does everything for you!" I shouted back at her.

The instant the door opened, they all came marching in. James was last.

_See? His eyes are hazel. Not wide, dead and staring…_

"Hey baby." My hands immediately wrapped around his waist and my head came to rest on his shoulder. I inhaled his scent.

"Mmmm. Hey yourself." He enfolded me within his embrace and buried his face in my hair. "You smell like oranges, did you know that?"

I looked up into his eyes. "I do now." I stood on my tippy toes, kissed him on the nose, and dragged him back into the living room. Kallie and Logan were already snuggled down, Kendall was on the floor beside them, Carlos was sitting beside Kendall and James and I curled up on the other couch.

"What are we watching anyways?" Carlos asked.

"It's a movie called _The Descent._ It's a horror film" Kallie laughed.

I felt James stiffen next to me. "Will you be fine?" He whispered.

"Yes."

He chuckled. "Then why did you shiver?"

"Because your _lips_ are on my _ear_ and your _breath_ is _hot_." I whispered quietly back.

He nipped at my ear. "I can think of somewhere else-"

I shushed him. "Not here."

"Hey! Will you two shut up or get a room?" Kallie asked as she turned from the TV screen to us.

We both hung our heads and mumbled an apology. "Sorry."

The movie continued on in silence; the occasional comment or question was asked, but most of our attention was spent on the movie.

_Was this movie always this…bloody?_

And what does blood remind me of? That dream. That damn dream that has constantly been on my mind since I had it.

_Remember the way Kallie watched as blood seeped from your wounds? The wounds_she_inflicted?_

I tilted my head up against his chest so I could see him. "Hey James?"

He looked down. "Mmm?"

"Can I borrow your phone for a minute?"

"Sure." He shifted his position so he could get his phone out of his back pocket. I smiled when he placed the device in my hand. James always had the best games on his phone and I needed a break from…the blood.

He gently pressed his lips to my head and began running his hands up and down my legs. I pressed my body back against his.

"Do they ever get out?" Carlos asked at one point.

"Shhh! Just watch and chill your impatient ass." Kallie laughed.

I unlocked the phone and settled on an arcade game to occupy my time. Once I had beaten his high score, I moved on to the next one.

"Hey babe, I'm going to go to the bathroom real fast." James said as he rose from the couch and started walking down the hall.

A thought popped into my head when he was gone.

…_Should I?_

No.

_But…_

No.

_What if?_

No.

_Just a peek._

Eh, what the hell.

I closed the game I was playing and opened his inbox. My fingers glided across the sleek touch screen and I scrolled through his text messages. Although I had to admit that I felt bad about it.

_Just keep going. A little bit more. Then stop._

Nothing was catching my eye…until I saw a message from a number that wasn't in his contacts. I opened the received message.

_Hey baby, I just wanted to say how great you were the other night. Looking forward to it again real soon._

A flash of panic and anger shot through me. But my rational side told me to keep reading. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding? His next message out, however, begged to differ.

_As am I. You're so naughty in bed, can't wait to spank your little ass. You're such a bad girl, you deserve it._

What? I felt tears prick my eyes, but I scrolled to the next message he received.

_Oh, you're such a tease. Better not make promises you can't keep._

No. No. No. He…isn't. He wouldn't…would he?

_Oh baby you have nothing to worry about; I always deliver._

I continued on, even though my heart was threatening to jump out of my chest.

_I love you so much, do you know that?_

His next response nailed me to the floor.

_Of course I do, baby. And you know that you're the only one I've ever truly loved._

The messages continued to reveal professions of love and various bedroom promises. He…loved her? Whoever the hell this was? He didn't love me?

_No._

No that isn't true. He loves me. And I love him.

_You sure about that?_

I quickly closed the message and threw his phone down into my lap. The room slowly became one large blur; I couldn't see through the tears and all I wanted to do was sob. I could feel my throat tightening…

_No! Not here. Get to a bathroom…or wait. The movie is almost over._

My heart shattered completely. The one man I trusted and loved more than anything in this world…cheated on me? Didn't love me back?

I felt like someone had just dumped a huge bucket of ice water on me.

Suddenly, James walked back into the living room.

_Oh God._

I didn't look at him. I kept my head down. Once he got to the couch I stood up, gave him his phone and then said it was my turn to use the bathroom. And I tried my best not to bolt straight for the bathroom.

I closed the door to my bedroom quietly and then walked into the large bathroom and locked the door.

Then? I sunk down to the floor and cried.

I sobbed.

That _fucking_ dream wouldn't let me go, and now…James cheated on me?

I had trusted him. Loved him. Given everything to him. And what the _hell_ happens? It gets shoved back into my face. Like always. Like every fucking time before.

I had been foolish to think I could trust someone else. Hadn't my bastard father proven that a fact?

_Why can't I just have a break?_

I pulled a towel off of the rack and cried out into it.

"_No!"_

No. Please.

I reached out and ran my hands along the cold tile floor, desperate to _feel_ something that wasn't a raging emotion. I also gripped the fluffy towel with my other hand.

Everything was passing at a million miles an hour. I couldn't organize my thoughts or control my emotions. My body was a battle ground; everything was running free and un-tamed.

That horrid image of James' blood pouring from his body flashed across my mind. The feeling of Kallie laughing at me. The pain of knowing I was entirely alone. The anguish.

_Ah, fuck._

I slowly, very slowly, stood up and walked over to the mirror. My hair was a mess, my makeup was smudged, my eyes were red and puffy and I just looked awful.

_Come on. Pull yourself together, at least for a few more hours._

How can I keep sane? How was _that_ supposed to work?

_You clean up and don't think about it._

Yeah. That could happen.

But I did take off the remainder of my makeup and brush my hair out. I took a few deep breaths and refused to let anymore tears fall from my eyes.

I looked a _little_ better. Mainly tired. I flushed the toilet once and ran the faucet for a few seconds before leaving the bathroom. After a few more deep breaths and a mental pep-talk, I plastered on a fake smile and left the bedroom.

Everyone was still engrossed in the movie; but, after a quick look at the screen, I knew it only had a few minutes left.

My hands gently shook when I walked over to James. I crawled back into his embrace and tried to keep calm. But it was kind of hard with his hands gently rubbing my arms, his head buried into my hair, and his lips kissing my head.

When the movie ended, Carlos was the first one to get up and stretch. "Worst. Ending. _Ever._"

Kallie threw a pillow at his head. "You criticize everything, don't you, Carlos?"

"Everything but corndogs." Kendall added in. He, too, stood and stretched, but when he turned back and saw me, his green eyes flashed and his eyebrows furrowed.

I quickly, and subtly shook my head.

"Hey, anyone know what time it is?" Logan asked.

James reached for his phone. "Uh, yeah it's almost 6:45."

"What do we want to do now?" Kallie asked.

I stood up, eager to leave James' arms. "I don't know about you guys, but I don't feel well and I want to get some rest."

My sister perked her head up. "What's wrong, Emma?"

"My stomach has been off all day and I have a headache." I pinched the bridge of my nose. I wasn't exactly lying…

"You look really tired, too." Carlos added.

"I am."

"You do, why don't you head to bed and Kallie can come hang over at our place? That way you have the apartment quiet and you can get some sleep." Kendall suggested with a smile.

"That sounds great. I'll see you guys tomorrow?" I asked.

Carlos came over and gave me a hug goodnight. "Sure thing!"

Kendall kissed me on the cheek for a brief moment and wrapped his arm around my waist.

My heart fluttered.

_No…_

His bright green eyes were suddenly in front of me. "Goodnight, Emma. Feel better, ok?" I nodded.

Kallie and Logan then got up off of the couch. "You sure you don't want me to stay here?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just go have fun okay?" I tried to put on a genuine smile, but I'm pretty sure I failed. My sister raised an eyebrow at me but simply gave me a hug, kissed me, and said goodnight.

"Logan? You're the future doctor here…what should Emma do?" Kallie prompted.

Logan gave me a quick hug before answering. "Take a warm shower, get some Coke to drink, munch on some bread, and go to sleep."

I smiled. "Thanks, Logan."

He nodded and wrapped his arms around Kallie's waist before joining Kendall and Carlos back at their place.

Which left me alone with him.

I turned around and walked the half a step to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Wanna go to bed?" He asked quietly.

My hands slowly wrapped around his waist. "Nah…I think I'm going to do what Logan suggested."

He briefly pulled back and then brought his lips down onto mine. They were warm, soft, and inviting. Within a few seconds, he had pressed me to the counter and was trailing his tongue down my neck.

His hands were squeezing my hips and my hands were on his shoulders.

I moaned when his teeth grazed my neck.

_No!_

"J-James s-stop."

He immediately did and brought his face right in front of mine. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit him.

_When do I confront him?_

Not tonight.

"Everything, okay?" He asked. That's a loaded question.

"Yeah I just really don't feel well. Go back over to your place and have fun, okay?"

He frowned. "I'm not going to leave you."

"Please. I just want to be alone, I'm tired and I just want to sleep." My voice sounded a little _too_ pleading.

He smiled slightly. "Then I'll go get some pajamas and stay with you."

_Damn his stubbornness._

"James, please. When I'm sick I just want to be alone. Please, baby? Go have fun. Keep Kallie and Logan out of his bedroom, okay?"

Eventually he gave in. He kissed me and began to walk to the door. "I'm a text away. Please call me if you need _anything_."

I nodded, and he finally left. As soon as the door clicked shut, the tears began to fall and the sobs came out. I made my way to my room, turned off the lights, and curled up on my bed. I spent the next few hours crying into my blankets and trying to convince myself that everything would be okay. I couldn't imagine life without him.

Eventually I heard Kallie come back; just Kallie, not Logan. She walked down the hallway and stopped at my door. It slowly opened and I knew she was checking on me. I tried to stay still and pretend to sleep; apparently it worked. The door closed and she went back into her room.

Once I heard the movement in her room still, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and texted the first person I could think of: Kendall. I quickly shot him a message.

_Can I talk to you? Please? Kendall it's important._

Within a few seconds I got a response.

_Sure. What's wrong?_

I thought for a minute before making a split decision.

_Can we go somewhere? I can't do this over a text conversation._

Again, within a few seconds, my phone buzzed.

_Yeah, where do you want to go?_

Anywhere.

_I don't care; can you meet me in the hallway in a few minutes? Don't wake anyone else up though._

I quietly flipped on my light and illuminated my room…and my destroyed bed.

_I won't. What is this about though?_

My hands shook when I gave him a response.

_James. I'll tell you everything in a few minutes, okay?_

Once I was wearing a comfy grey pair of sweats, my phone lit up.

_Okay._

I changed into a white tank top and grabbed a pink hoodie. A quick look in the mirror told me I looked okay; my hair was in that messy-wavy state that…kind of looked cute.

After picking up a pair of flip-flops and spraying myself with a fruity perfume, I grabbed my keys and cell phone before turning off the light. I walked quietly past Kallie's room and out the door.

Sure enough, Kendall was right there waiting for me. He dressed in a similar way I did; he was in a pair of black sweats with a navy blue tank and a multi-color zip up hoodie.

"Emma?" He simply raised an eyebrow.

I put on my flip-flops. "I'll tell you in a minute, can we get down to my car first, though?"

He nodded. We descended the staircase in a comfortable silence, I felt safe around him. I knew I could trust him.

By the time we got to the car, I felt like crying again.

"Can we go to the beach?" I asked.

He shrugged and got into the passenger seat. "Sure. There's another one I know about that's a little closer than the one we went to a few days ago."

I turned on the headlights as we pulled out of the parking lot. "Sounds like a plan. Where is it?"

"I'll show you. Turn left up at the light."

I gracefully turned the wheel and within a few minutes, the lights of the city were starting to fade away.

Eventually, Kendall asked the question. "Emma? What's going on?"

I tightened my grip on the wheel. "James."

"Well I figured that. What about him? Is everything okay?"

"No. Everything is not…okay." And there it was again; the feeling of tears pricking my eyes.

The road soon turned dark as we made our way further from the city. The clock said 11:57 p.m. Quite a few minutes of silence passed before Kendall spoke again.

"Well what happened?" I could tell he was becoming a little impatient, but he still kept his cool demeanor.

I took a deep breath to try and calm myself. "I found…some texts on his phone."

"Turn right up here. What kind of texts?"

If I wasn't driving I would have hung my head. "They were…_sexual_ texts. With another girl!"

Kendall sat forward in his seat and looked at me. "_What?"_

I lost it. _"He's cheating on me, Kendall!"_ I screamed.

He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Pull off up here. We can park the car and walk."

_Hold off on the tears for just a few more minutes…_

I pulled the car over and got out. The warm, salty breeze blowing in off of the ocean provided a moment of comfort. Even though it was dark, the moon was full and provided enough illumination to see by. The beach we had pulled into was a small, hidden type of place. There were trees shading the area and large boulders for climbing and sitting. Just ahead of me was a small set of stone steps leading down onto the beach below.

Kendall walked up beside me. "Let's go down."

I nodded and we descended the steps down onto the beach.

"Kendall what am I going to do?" I sighed.

He squeezed my shoulder. "You're going to talk to him about it. Maybe it's all just a misunderstanding."

I turned to him; my features were livid. "_How_ is sending sexual texts a fucking _misunderstanding_? Please enlighten me!" I shouted.

He stepped back a little bit before speaking in a calming tone. "Maybe there's a story to it. What if you're just over reacting?"

I slapped him across the face so hard he stumbled backwards.

"This _isn't_ a misunderstanding! Kendall I don't care what the excuse is, he cheated on me! How dare you suggest I'm over reacting! I've had a day from _hell_ and this is the last damn thing I need!" Tears were pouring down my face.

_I can't take this anymore. First the dream now this._

I collapsed into the sand and began to sob. Suddenly I felt two strong hands pull me back into a warm embrace. I cried into his chest.

"I had a nightmare last night that won't go away and now this…" My throat was tight and my voice was thick through my tears.

"What was it?"

I looked up into his bright green, shining eyes. "Everyone was dead because of something I did. Kallie stabbed me repeatedly then killed herself in front of me…"

Before he had time to say anything, I held my head in my hands and sobbed. "I _hate_ this! My father showed me that I can't trust anyone and the one time I do? He betrays me. Kendall I can't live without him!"

He ran his hands along my back in an effort to calm me. "Shh. Emma everything is going to be okay. You just have to talk to him about everything."

He tilted my chin up so I could see him. "Just relax, okay? Talk to James."

Like earlier, all of my emotions were running through me at high speeds. I just wanted _someone._

Without thinking, I snapped. I pulled Kendall down to me and crashed my lips against his. They were warm and sweet. They melded against mine in our own unique way.

Suddenly he broke away. "Emma! Emma what the hell?"

I cradled his face in my hands. "Kendall, you have no idea what kind of a day I've had. I just need someone. Please. No one ever has to find out; I just need a distraction from everything. Please." I begged.

"Emma…I don't know about this. You're James' girlfriend and I don't want to hurt him like this…"

More tears fell. "Does it not matter how he's hurt me? I just…God please. I just need you right now. James never, _ever_ has to find out."

Without letting him respond, I pulled him back for another kiss. It wasn't slow and romantic, it was rushed and needy. Instantly, I traced my tongue along his lips requesting entrance. After a brief struggle, he complied.

I thrust my tongue into his mouth and he moaned at the intrusion. Soon, our tongues were battling and fighting for dominance. My hands moved down from his face to his shoulders, down to the hem of his tank top. I pulled it off over his head and ran my fingers along the toned, warm skin of his stomach.

My light touch resulted in him clenching his muscles.

His lips broke away from mine and he trailed a line of kisses down my neck. The straps of my tank top were gently pushed aside and then down my arms. My tank top pooled around my waist. I felt him palm my breasts through the light pink bra I was wearing, and I moaned. Loudly.

He unclasped it and then tossed it to where his shirt was. My nails dug into his back and his mouth connected to my right breast. His mouth was hot and wet, and it drove me crazy. I pulled him closer to me.

Once my right nipple was painfully hard, he moved to the left one. His tongue swirled around the sensitive flesh as he sucked gently.

"Kendall…"

I cried out when he broke the contact with my flesh. "Emma I'm not having sex in the sand. Let's move back up to the car."

I giggled slightly and wrapped my legs around him. His hands supported my butt and he carried me back up the stone steps.

When he moved to the back seat of the car, I stopped him.

_Not in there._

"Under the stars. Please." I moaned slightly. He simply nodded, but pulled our hoodies out of the car and then proceeded to walk us over to a large, flat boulder.

_Sex on a rock? Why not._

He laid the pieces of fabric down and then set me on top of them. My tank top was then pulled off and discarded to the side. His hands gently moved the waistband of my pants down and then those joined my tank top.

"You're wearing too many clothes." I said as I hooked my fingers under the waistband and pushed them down.

"Are you sure about this, Emma?" He asked seriously.

I nodded. "Yes. Please."

He sighed and then got down on his knees between my legs. In one swift move, he had removed my panties.

His tongue darted out to lick his lips briefly before placing his mouth on my core. I instantly bucked my hips and moaned loudly.

Kendall's tongue probed around my folds and settled on my clit. He sucked…_hard_. Eventually he added two fingers to the mix and slowly stretched me open.

He had a different technique than James; instead of focusing on my clit, he focused on pumping in and out of me.

But, like James, Kendall made me come _very_ quickly. I cried out into the sky and pulled him closer to my now quivering body.

"D-Do you h-have a c-condom?" I gasped out.

"Yes."

He pulled one out from some place in the pocket of his hoodie and rolled it on. I stood up and he took the place on the smooth boulder. I straddled him and placed my hands on his shoulders.

We both locked eyes. His green ones were wide with…excitement? Lust?

I hoped it was one of the two. "Kendall. Please."

Kendall gripped my hips and, in one quick, _hard_ move, he pulled me down onto him.

My eyes popped open. "Fuck!"

He was _huge_; about the same size as James. Although I felt him in different places.

His reaction was similar to mine. "Emma! God you're so fucking tight…"

I started moving around on him and he soon took the hint and began thrusting into me. He went fast and hard, but at the same time, he was also very gentle.

"Fuck! Kendall you feel so good."

Judging by Kendall's moans, he was enjoying himself too. His grip around my waist was firm, but gentle.

I began rotating my hips against his; slowly at first, but then with urgency. I cried out when he suddenly thrust into me.

"Kendall!"

He hit deep, _very_ deep and I jolted in his arms.

Each time he thrust into me, he hit that spot. And each time he hit that spot, I screamed a little louder. I looked up into the sky. There were a few bright stars out, but most were overshadowed by the moonlight.

"Fuck! Emma!" I turned my attention back to Kendall. His voice was a pure plea. He was about to come…and judging by his facial expressions, he was going to come _hard._

I pulled him into a kiss.

"Come with me." I moaned against his skin.

The speed of his thrusts intensified and he hit harder and deeper each time. I could feel him tightening beneath me, and I was sure he could feel me tightening around his throbbing member.

_God he's so close…_

"I'm right there Kendall, please…" My voice pleaded.

He reached down between my legs and began furiously rubbing his hands against my clit. The extra dose of pleasure shot me over the edge and I came. I came all over his cock and I came _hard._ And he came with me.

But, it wasn't his name that was running through my mind. It was _his._

_James..._

_I'm sorry._

**A/N: Well? Did you love it, hate it? I really want to know. Please leave me some feedback on this one! I also want to give hugs and sweets to every single person who has reviewed, favorited and put alerts on both the story and me! You guys absolutely rock! :'3**

**~Kara (Maybe I should start signing with my real name? :P )**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Happy Wednesday! I hope you all have had a fabulous week! :D Every time I submit a chapter I am just blown away by your reviews :'3 If I can get sappy for a minute, I love each and every one of you for reading my little story here and giving me the incredible feedback!(: This chapter is going to start…for lack of a better phrase, the beginning of the end. I have most of the story planned out and it's not going to be to terribly much longer :S **

**But we still have a bit to go through before that ^_^**

**As always, look over any typos, make some mental notes on what you want to say in your review and I will see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

My voice screamed out for Kendall while my heart called out for James. The familiar feeling of an orgasm offered an escape…but not the one I was hoping I'd find. Yes, Kendall was _very_ talented, but he wasn't James. He didn't make me feel the same way James did.

Even though my hands were tightly gripping his shoulders, I wished it was James' tan skin under my fingers. Even though I was looking into his deep green eyes, I wished I was looking into James' hazel ones. Even though they were Kendall's hands that were stroking my back, I wished they were James' fingers gently tickling my sides.

_I just wish it was James. _

Without saying much, we collected our clothes and drove back to the Palm Woods. A silent agreement was made; we'll talk about this tomorrow. I wasn't in the emotional state to handle anything else tonight.

Er…this morning. The clock in the car said it was 3:05 when we pulled back into the parking lot.

We silently walked into the lobby, up the stairs, and down the hall to our apartments. We made eye contact on several occasions and each time his eyes read a different emotion.

_Confusion._

_Exhaustion._

_Stress._

A few other messages seemed to be communicated, but I couldn't grasp if regret or shame was one of them.

Before I walked into my apartment, I drew him into a tight hug and rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel his arms wrap around me and he took in a deep breath.

I drew back and briefly, ever so briefly, kissed him gently on the lips. "Thank you."

He nodded and returned the kiss, but it was to my forehead instead of my lips. "We all have to go and work on some new songs for an EP tomorrow. We should be done around three-ish. I…really need to talk to you alone. Can we meet up again tomorrow night? But…without the sex?"

"Yeah. Of course. Goodnight, Kendall."

He briefly nodded his head and quietly walked into his apartment. I followed his lead and quietly, and slowly, opened the door, locked it and tip-toed into my room.

The instant my head hit the pillow, I was out. I just blocked everything and fell into the awaiting darkness with open arms.

"Emma? Emma are you okay?"

_The hell?_

"Emma? Emma I am _not_ afraid to let myself in."

_Kallie._

I unburied my head from the pillow and groaned before shouting, "I'm awake!"

"Emma I didn't ask if you were awake. I asked if you were okay." I could practically see her standing with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm fine! Why?"

"Because it's twelve fucking thirty! You _never_ sleep this late!"

I instantly jumped up, the exhaustion I was feeling completely gone. "It's after noon? Shit! I'm up! I'm up!"

I heard Kallie retreat down the hallway. "That's what I thought."

However, instantly jumping to my feet _might_ have been a mistake; the edges of my vision began to go black and I felt _extremely_ light-headed.

An attempt at trying to sit back down went awry and I ended up falling backwards into my night stand. My head crashed into the piece of furniture and the alarm clock that was already resting precariously on the ledge decided to topple over and fall on my face.

I briefly cried out in pain and sucked in a breath before shoving it off of me and standing up. A quick glance in a mirror gave me the diagnosis; nothing serious. No cuts, no blood, no exposed organs, but a bruise might just develop later.

Once my clothes were shed from my body, I turned on the shower and stepped in. The warm water soothed the aches in my body and the steam seemed to help clear my head.

And the reality of last night's actions hit me square in the heart.

I cheated on James. My boyfriend.

_Yeah, but he cheated on you first._

I hurt my best friend.

_He probably enjoyed it._

Oh God. "What the hell am I going to do now?" I whispered to myself. The sound was easily lost amid the spray of the shower.

Tell James? Confront him and be a hypocrite? Talk to Kendall?

That sounds like a good idea. Maybe…maybe Kendall and I can agree to just forget about everything. Maybe. And then I can confront James and…try not to look and feel so guilty.

_But I still cheated on him. I'm no better than he is. _

So what? I tell him I cheated and so did he and now we're even?

_I…need to talk to Kendall tonight._

Once my hair was washed and my body was clean, I stepped out of the shower and cursed silently at how cold it was.

"Damn air conditioning…"

I quickly reached for some fluffy towels and dried myself off before slipping into a soft, fuchsia sun dress. After I had put some mousse in my hair and scrunched it up, and sprayed some light perfume, I walked out to the kitchen.

Kallie was lying down on the couch mindlessly flipping through the channels. Once I had entered the room, she lifted her head up and smiled.

"Well someone got some sleep last night." She laughed.

I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bowl of strawberries before plopping down on the adjacent couch. "You know me, I never sleep that late. I just really wasn't feeling well last night."

"I know, I know." She leaned up and pulled a strawberry from the container. "Ugh. The clock won't tick fast enough…"

"Anxious to see our little Logie bear?" I teased.

She stuck her tongue out. "Yes. And I'm sure you want to see your Jamie."

_I do._

I had completely fucked up last night. Why didn't I just ask about the texts? Why did I have to go and sleep with his best friend? Why…

"Yeah I do. I feel like I haven't seen him much recently."

She sighed. "Now I welcome you to the world of waiting."

The afternoon dragged along at a snail's pace and I swear the clock must have ticked backwards at one point. We watched mindless TV shows and talked about nothing in particular.

Once Kallie had reached the point where she had resorted to pacing, her phone rang. She leapt across the room and answered it before it had finished ringing the first time.

"Hey!" Her face lit up as she muted the television.

After a few moments she spoke. "Sure! Sounds good. Love you!"

"I take it that was Logie Bear wanting to cuddle?" I smirked.

She sat back down on the couch. "Haha. Yeah it was, he said they're all coming over and that Carlos is bringing a movie that he's wanted to see for awhile. It's some comedy."

"Sounds like a plan." I shrugged and un-muted the infomercial.

"_And here we demonstrate it's durability. Watch what happens when we submerge-"_

"I cannot believe we've only been dating Logan and James for a month. Seriously. It feels like so much longer than that." She sighed.

"I know. I…can't imagine life without James." A soft smile appeared on my face.

Kallie stood up and walked over to the fridge. "Do you want anything?"

"Just a bottle of water. Thanks."

"Catch." I looked up to see a bottle flying towards me. It landed in my hands and I uncapped it and took a sip.

"Are you and James doing anything for a one month anniversary?"

_Why do you pick now to talk about our relationships?_

I blew out a breath. "Oh man I have no clue. Probably. What about you and Logan?"

Her shoulders rose and fell once. "He's mentioned a few things but…nothing is set in stone."

"_And when you purchase one we will throw in two completely free! And we will also give you this revolutionary new-"_

Kallie gestured to the television. "Isn't there something else on? It's like six. Shouldn't prime time shows be starting?"

"Lemme check…" The remote control was resting between my legs. I picked it up and pointed it at the screen.

I glanced back at her. "Stop me when something looks interesting."

After twenty failed minutes of searching the guide and one brief argument later, we decided to give up. Luckily though, right when I set the remote down, someone knocked on the door.

"I got it!" Kallie announced as she stood up.

She opened the door and everyone marched in.

_Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit._

I tried to calm my nerves and my shaking hands.

_Come on, you can do this._

I sprung up like my sister and immediately walked over to James and threw my arms around him. And I wanted to cry.

_Fuck._

He kissed the top of my head and then gently bit my ear. "Do you know how sexy you look right now?"

And just like that, he gave me chills. He always did.

I gently pressed my lips to his. And I wanted to do so much more.

"Do _you_ know how sexy you look right now?" I smirked.

"Yes I do. I did pass a mirror on my way here." I playfully slapped him.

"Oh hush."

He then looked at me with concern. "Are you feeling better?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I just needed a good night's sleep."

We both started walking to the couch when I looked behind me and saw Kendall.

_Aww…fuck._

There were a million different things flashing through his eyes. And I couldn't name a single one. Was he angry? Depressed? Disappointed? Jealous?

I had no clue.

His bright emerald orbs just took in every touch James and I shared. Every single one. We all walked into the living room and settled down.

"So what movie did you pick up, Carlos?" Kallie asked.

He popped open the plastic case. "It's called _The Hangover_. I haven't seen it yet and everyone is telling me that I need to."

The shiny silver disc sat on his finger as he carried it over to the DVD player and popped it in. Once the movie began to play, he retreated back to the floor and sat down.

I, however, was in the hot seat. James was to my right and Kendall was to my left. I could feel my arms brushing up against theirs.

_What's the running time on this movie?_

During the movie, James kept pulling me closer and murmuring things to me. At one point, Kendall reached over and squeezed my knee once. What was _that_ supposed to mean?

I glanced over and looked at the blonde. He was facing the TV. However, he was slightly smiling.

And that's how it went all during the movie. James basically told me how he was going to fuck me and Kendall gave me various types of body language. When the credits were over, Carlos and Logan were in an argument on how one would get a tiger in a bathroom, Kallie was laughing at both of them, and I was awkwardly sitting between two guys I've slept with.

"So," James began as he looked over my head at Kendall, "Why did you leave the apartment last night and come back at like three in the morning?"

I immediately shot my head around to look at Kendall. My eyes went wide.

_Oh. Fuck. No._

A shot of fear coursed through my veins and turned my blood to ice.

I tried shaking my head. _Come up with something. Come up with something!_

"Oh. I should have been quieter. I just wanted to go out for a walk." He smirked slightly.

I turned back to James. _Please believe him._

James raised an eyebrow, but it was Logan who shot it all to hell. "You went for a walk? In the middle of the night?"

Now everyone's attention was on the green-eyed beauty sitting to my left.

He shrugged. "Yeah. I dunno, I just wanted to go for a walk."

Logan laughed. "Kendall you know how dangerous that is. You wouldn't do that. Where did you go?"

Kendall leaned forward. "Seriously. I went for a walk."

Kallie's snuggle partner leaned forward as well. "At three in the morning."

James spoke up. "He left around midnight." Everyone gave him a weird look. "I'm a light sleeper and he banged his foot on the corner of my bed both when he left and came back."

I shot Kendall an icy stare.

"Dude, why would you go for a three hour walk?" Carlos asked.

Kendall was about to answer when my sister, dear old Kallie, decided to send Kendall and I to hell. "Wait. I thought I heard Emma leave and come back last night around the same time."

_How good are you at improv, Emma?_

We're about to find out.

"I don't know what Kendall's story is, but I just had a rough night last night and walked around the apartment and the hallway last night."

Although I did feel bad about throwing Kendall under the bus.

"Emma you know how loud that door is. I heard you leave and then come back awhile later."

_Fuck._

James stared at me. "What were you guys doing?"

"We went for a walk." "We went for a drive."

Kendall and I just stared at each other. Can someone say s-c-r-e-w-e-d?

Logan spoke. "So you guys were together?"

"What were you doing?" James asked. His tone was a little angry.

I placed my hand on his arm. "Okay. I met up with Kendall in the hallway and we decided to go for a walk and then we ended up driving around." Does that cover everything?

"Then why didn't you guys just say that?" Carlos asked.

Kallie eyed me carefully. "Emma what are you hiding?"

_Damn her for knowing me so well._

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Emma, don't lie to me."

James chose to interject. "Emma what did you and Kendall do last night?"

"Nothing! We just went for a walk." Kendall offered in a slightly desperate tone.

"And a drive." Kallie said.

I shot her a mental _shut the fuck up_, but she didn't seem to acknowledge it.

Everyone seemed to be holding their breath. The room was still except for my fidgeting.

I looked to James. He seemed to run a few numbers in his head before jumping to his feet and shouting, "Did you guys _sleep_ together?"

_Oh shit. Busted._

I leapt up right next to him. "No! Of course not! Why would you say that?"

"Because both of you guys are hiding something!"

Kendall decided to join me at this point. "No we're not!" We both shouted.

James grabbed my wrist. "Emma. Tell me the truth." He looked straight into my eyes. He looked hurt. So hurt.

_How does it feel?_

And, just like that, the vengeful part of me surfaced.

I yanked my wrist from his grasp and moved away. "Okay! You know what? I did! I fucked Kendall Knight. And do you know _why? _Because I wanted to show you how it felt!" I screamed.

Logan, Kallie and Carlos sat frozen like they were audience members at the Dr. Phil show.

I could hear Kendall slap his head to his forehead.

James recoiled as if I had slapped him. "_What?_ What on Earth do you mean you wanted to show me how it felt?"

"Oh don't you play innocent! I saw the texts on your phone! All those sexual 'fuck me' texts? Remember those? Yeah. I found them!" I shouted.

He laughed outright. He _laughed_.

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me? Emma those are texts between _Logan_ and _Kallie_!" He pointed to them and then turned back to me. His face was red and his eyes were animated.

_What?_

"What?"

He shook his head and laughed again. "Logan's phone died and he asked to use mine to text Kallie!"

Logan and Kallie silently nodded.

_Oh. Fuck. I didn't…_

I didn't wait for an explanation. I didn't ask him. I just acted out.

I looked back at Kendall. His wide, green eyes were popped open and he looked panicked. Much like I felt.

"Emma you _cheated_ on me? Why didn't you just _talk_ to me?" I saw a single tear fall down his cheek.

_Oh God. No. No. No. No. This isn't happening…_

I stepped towards him and he stepped back. "_Answer_ me!" He roared.

I flinched back. Dad.

"I…oh God James I am _so_…James I had no clue that…oh fuck. James please…" I had no clue what to say to make this right. I had single handedly managed to fuck everything up.

"No! _No! _Emma how could you think that I would cheat on you? How could you even think that? I _love_ you Emma! I love you. And you went and…" He was mad. He was _livid_. He was infuriated. He was upset.

Tears spilled down my cheeks.

"And _you_!" James walked over to Kendall. "How _dare_ you sleep with _my_ girlfriend! How could you do that to me?"

Kendall ran a hand through his hair before putting both hands up. "James. Hear me out. She…Emma was a mess yesterday and-"

"And you decided to do _my_ job and fuck her?"

I placed a hand on his shoulder. He immediately tensed and turned to me. "You just wait a minute." He was absolutely _seething_. James Diamond was on the war path.

I narrowed my eyes and "Don't you brush me off, James Diamond! Kendall had _nothing_ to do with any of-"

He turned on me, grabbed my shoulders, and backed me down onto the couch before looming over me.

"_He_ had _nothing_ to do with it? Oh so who's dick was pounding you last night?" James shot his arms out.

"_I_ seduced _him_. I _begged_ him for it!" I stood up. "James, look. I love you. I love you more than anything and I mean that. I…I over reacted, okay? I'm not…I'm not used to relationships, okay? I've never been in one! I swear, part of me died when I saw those texts. I had a breakdown in the bathroom! I needed someone and Kendall happened to be there for me. Do _not_ blame _any_ of this on him. Please." I tried to speak in a calming voice, but…I did get emotional a few times.

I stood up and James stepped back. He looked physically wounded. "And you felt like you couldn't _talk_ to me?"

"I…" I didn't have an answer for him.

James was crying and so was I at this point. Kendall was standing a few feet away from me and simply stared. Kallie and Logan had wide eyes and Carlos looked like he wanted to run.

Again, I tried placing my hand on his shoulder but he brushed me off.

"James-"

"No! _Don't!"_

"But James! I-"

"I said _don't_ talk to me!" He screamed at me. He literally _screamed_ it to my face.

I tried reaching out again, but he did what I was always afraid of. He became my Dad.

James Diamond hit me. He brought his hand back and his palm hit my cheek so hard I fell to the ground.

As soon as his hand had gone back, Kallie jumped up and tried to stop him but she was too late. When the sound of flesh on flesh tore through the room, everyone acted.

Kallie screeched and kneed James in the crotch and he fell to the ground. Logan pulled Kallie off of James. Carlos ran over to James and began yelling at him. Kendall shouted curses and punched James right in the jaw.

And I ran. I crawled up and moved around everyone, grabbed my shoes that were by the door and I _fled_.

Kallie, Kendall, Carlos and Logan were all calling for me, but I ignored them. I ran down the stairs, through the lobby and outside. I didn't care that it eight o'clock. I didn't care that it was getting dark.

_I didn't care._

I ran. I slipped on the flip-flops and just fled the Palm Woods. I ran down out of the parking lot and down the street. Directions didn't exist right now. I just needed an escape.

People stared at me as I ran down the streets, and some tried to stop me. But I just kept going. And going. And going.

The warmth of the wind soothed the sting on my cheek and the running offered an escape. I felt like I was on a high, I just didn't stop.

Until I tripped over something and skidded on the pavement.

"Shit!" I groaned. My knees, elbow and face _stung_. I looked down to see that I was bleeding and my skin was scraped off in several places. I looked around. I was…at the entrance to an _alley_? How…? There was a cheap, a _very_ cheap motel to the right and some sleazy looking buildings on either side of the street.

Then I heard laughter.

"Well, well. Look at this."

My heart shattered and I cried out.

_No._ _Absolutely not._

I shot my head up looked at the figure who had stepped in front of me.

_Dad._

He reached down, tangled his hand in my hair, and pulled me up to my feet. I hissed at the sharp pain in my head and clawed at his hands. But he was stronger than I was, and he pulled me eye-level with him. I felt as much fear now as I did back then.

But once I got a good look at him, I gasped. He had aged so much. His hair was tangled and greasy, his once bright blue eyes had gone dim, there were bags under his eyes, his wrinkles were more defined and he had lost weight.

He looked sickly. But he was still stronger than me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I desperately tried to get free, but his grip in my hair was too tight. I did get in some good kicks though.

He clamped my mouth shut and I immediately gagged from the smell of alcohol and the sweaty, grimy texture that rested on his skin.

"Listen here, bitch. You _will_ not talk back to me. You got that?" He whispered in my ear.

I was dragged into the alley and thrown against one of the brick walls. I tried not to let the pain get to me, but _damn_ my head hurt.

But I still managed a laugh. "Why the fuck not? You can't threaten me with hurting Kallie. She's safe. So you want to kill me? Go for it you worthless bastard! I'm not going down without a fight. I've changed since the last time you saw me." I spit in his direction. I had no clue where this sudden feeling of bravery came from, but I liked it.

He laughed outright. "I can kill you in two seconds you idiotic whore."

I locked my hazel eyes on his blue ones, stood up and walked up to him. "Come at me old man."

**A/N: Okay so it's now time to hit the button down there and type up those magic little reviews! Please tell me what you think and anything you would like to see happen before the end of the story. Again thank you so much to each and every one of you who have reviewed/set an alert and favorited both me and the story!(:**

**Alas, until the next chapter!**

**~Kara**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I'm still alive! I know it's been forever since I've updated, and I am **_**so**_** sorry! This chapter proved to be incredibly difficult to write. I completely deleted the document and started over about four times. I hope this final version is everything you want it to be! I will see you all lovelies at the bottom(:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

The next thing I knew I was on the ground. He tackled me so hard I simply went down; and he was kicking me. Repeatedly. But I didn't react. I refused to give him the satisfaction he thrived off of.

But it was so hard not to cry out in pain.

"You _bitch_!" He spat at me while he tangled his hand in my hair and yanked me violently to my feet. The venom in his voice was overwhelming.

My head erupted in a sharp pain while he shouted various taunts at me. I struggled to get my footing; I had lost my shoes by this point and I was standing barefoot in an alleyway with all kinds of debris all over the place.

He quickly threw me into the brick wall; I slightly gasped in pain and grimaced as he brought his lips to my ear. The contact disgusted me.

"I may not have Kallie, but I have you. And we're going to go have some fun. So be a good little whore and don't try to escape. Got it?" I briefly felt something hard press against my side and when I looked down I was staring at a small handgun. A jet black hand gun.

A few brief thoughts flashed through my mind before I reacted.

I locked gazes with him and kept my voice low. "I'm not going _anywhere_ with you. If you want to kill me then do it. Right now."

Confusion was evident in his features. He had no clue how to react. Which told me that he wasn't going to kill me until he had his way with me.

_Well that's terrifying to know._

His eyebrows furrowed together while making some sort of internal decision; but I seized the opportunity and acted. With as much force as I could muster, I brought my knee to his groin and when he doubled over in pain, I wrenched the gun from his hand.

Then a rush of adrenaline shot through me.

_I control whether he lives or dies._

I wanted him to _suffer_. I wanted him to _beg_ for mercy just like we were forced to. All my life I imagined the things I would do to him if I got the chance, but right now? I just wanted to escape. I just wanted to get away from him.

But I knew they if I didn't kill him, he would always come after me. He would never stop until we were both dead.

_Or he was._

I brought the device up and then down as hard as I could against the side of his head. The sickening sound of the gun hitting his head echoed throughout the alley. With a loud groan of pain, he slumped to the side. I was thrilled. I was now in control.

And, with this newfound power, I crouched down and began patting all of his pockets down in search for a cell phone. I had no clue where mine had gone and I _needed_ to call James and get out of here.

_Wherever 'here' was._

I found some small bags of drugs and prescription pills, a switch blade, some cash, and a small cell phone. After throwing the switch blade as far away as I could, I tucked the cash into my bra and flipped open the cell phone.

My fingers swiftly moved over the keypad while I dialed in the number I knew so well. With shaky hands, I held the phone to my ear and listened to the dial tone.

"Come on…pick up…pick up…"

"_Emma! Oh thank God you're okay! Where are you?" _I could literally hear tears in his voice as he answered the phone.

"James! I'm…not fine. Listen. I can't explain much right now but I'm in this alley-"

His voice rose. _"An alley? Emma what-"_

I cut him off and tried to explain, but it only succeeded in scaring James to death. I tried my best to tell him where I was, but I had no clue. Happily, I left the dark alley and walked out onto the deserted street.

In search for a street sign, I walked along the small sidewalk. It was _cold_ with the breeze blowing, and I was walking down a darkened street. Alone. At night. In a torn dress.

"James…please just get in the car and drive around! I'm scared." My voice shook slightly.

I could hear him sigh. _"Baby we already left the Palm Woods but we can't do anything unless you find a street sign or something!"_

His voice was panicky. The tone was higher and his words were meshing together. I would have found it adorable if it weren't for the current situation I was in.

A sudden bolt of lightning cut through the sky and I jumped ten feet in the air. And the thunder clap that followed it resonated through my toes.

I started shaking. "James! James please…" I needed him. I wanted him. I wanted him to hug me and protect me. I felt so exposed out here, but I tried not to panic.

However, my spirits rose _tremendously_ when I saw a small street sign.

"James! I found a sign!" I shouted.

"_You did? What is it?" _

My feet dragged across the cracked concrete as I peered up at a stop sign on the corner of a road. I told him what it said and I could hear Logan shout in the background.

"_That's actually really close! But…that's a bad part of town." _

I shivered slightly. "I'm aware."

James squeaked. _"Emma please go inside somewhere if you can. Are there any stores open or anything?" _

"No. James there are a few deserted buildings and a very shady looking motel but…there's _nothing_ here." I immediately wiped a tear from my cheek.

_Oh God please get here soon._

I turned around and looked up at the lightning. A few drops fell from the sky and pricked at my skin.

"_We're almost there!"_

I was getting wound up; like a rubber band right before it snapped. They were so close but I just wanted to get _out of here_.

I turned on my heel and I turned around right into _him_. The sheer shock of seeing him scared me stiff. A loud scream tore through my throat and I dropped the phone before running as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

I could feel all kinds of pieces of gravel, glass and God knows what else becoming embedded into my flesh, but I didn't even acknowledge the pain. I ran. I fucking _ran._

Around the corner, down the street, through the abandoned parking lot.

With another loud crack of lightning, it began to pour. The brief flash of white-hot electricity helped to illuminate the surrounding areas, but there was nowhere to run.

_How the hell did I even end up here?_

All of a sudden, I felt a hand grab my shoulder and wrench me backwards with so much force that I fell to the ground. All of the breath was forced out of my lungs in one swift move. I did at least have the common sense to throw the gun in my hand as far away as possible. I could hear it hit the street a few yards down.

He tried speaking something, but he slurred his speech and dropped to his knees beside me. I could see where I had wounded him; there was a dark trail of blood dripping down the side of his face.

"You…_bitch_." He spoke it slow, but with a lethal tone.

I cringed when he suddenly wrapped his long, bony fingers around my neck and squeezed. Not hard enough to kill me, but hard enough that I was clawing at his hands and squirming for breath.

He lowered his face to mine. "You're going to regret that." Without any warning, he snaked his hand up my thigh, ripped my dress off and situated himself between my legs.

"No!" I tried to choke it out, but it came off as a raspy cough. My body thrashed against his touch, but he pressed his body against mine and I couldn't move much.

I heard a few quick sounds, and then the worst feeling of all. He raped me.

With a loud sigh of pleasure, he thrust in and out of my body at a quick, brutal force. I cried out in pain and tensed my body up as the assault occurred. The ice cold rain soaking my body only added to the discomfort.

I knew that fighting back made it worse, but I didn't want to just sit there and take it. I didn't want to let him own me.

So I dug my nails further into his hand, which resulted in a somewhat lighter grip, but nothing more.

But I could talk now. "Stop it! _Please!" _I begged.

He didn't even acknowledge me. He just kept pounding into me and moaning. His sick, vile, disgusting moans of pleasure.

I tried calling out for help, but no one was around.

No one was _ever around._

He tore the rest of my dress off and my back scraped against the ground with every thrust. The pain was excruciating.

"_James! James help me!"_ My shrill voice echoed down the street, but he didn't come. My dad, meanwhile, just laughed at me.

"See? No one cares about you. You're just a worthless whore."

I gripped at the sidewalk beneath me in an effort to stop my back from scraping against it, but nothing worked. My blood began to stain the concrete.

A few more brutal minutes passed before he finally finished. He jerked a few more times before shakily returning to his feet. His frame towered over me and I knew I was in for it.

Without saying a word, he simply bent down and placed his hand over my mouth before pulling out the switch blade that I thought I had discarded of. Guess the bastard found it.

"You're not going to be able to be with _anyone_ when I get done with you." He sneered.

I felt panic. The same dreaded feeling I received every time he threatened me.

_What new torture has he come up with now?_

But, in one dreaded second, I felt the answer. He pulled out the switch blade and placed the tip of it at my already abused entrance.

_Oh God he's going to rape me with a knife!_

I jerked away desperately, my body twitched beneath his in a wish of escape. If he really raped me with a knife, who knew the permanent damage I would suffer later on.

And then I felt a pang of pain for something incredibly new. My unborn children.

_I want to be able to be a Mommy. _

And that's when I lost it. I began to sob hysterically and thrash against the ground. He had taken _everything_ away from me and now he was going to take this away. The tears falling were being shed over an entirely new cause, and I didn't like it one bit.

This was a new pain that I didn't want to experience.

His eyes widened slightly at my reaction, but that didn't stop his decision. With a nasty look to me, he thrust the piece of metal into my body.

I tried to scream through his hand. "_NO! God stop!" _The _pain._ The fucking _pain_. I couldn't believe something could hurt this much.

He held the knife in me for a brief second, before pulling out and thrusting back in. I gasped loudly against his hand when he plunged the blade back inside me.

The sobs continued. I was humiliated, livid, terrified and in pain. So much pain.

Suddenly we heard a loud car horn and he instantly removed his hand from my mouth, the blade from inside me, and he jumped up. In the glare of the headlights I could see the blood coating his hand.

Without thinking, I leapt to my feet and instantly took the opportunity to grab the knife from his hand while ignoring the feeling of blood seeping down my legs.

_The control is mine now._

He turned back towards me in a look of horror and astonishment. "Emma!" It sounded like a plea. Like a fucking _plea_. He had the sheer audacity to beg me to spare him. I laughed.

"Go to hell bastard." I spit in his face before plunging the blade deep into his side. With a loud scream he dropped to his knees gasping for breath. The feeling of the blade breaking flesh shocked me. I was surprised just how easily it entered his body.

Far away, I hear car doors opening and slamming shut.

But all that mattered was the man in front of me. I held the knife in place and watched him struggle to get it out.

He didn't succeed, but he did succeed in giving me a blow to the head that knocked me to the ground. My skull cracked against the pavement with such force that I began to black out. The last thing I saw was my father falling backwards and mumbling something while the sound of footsteps grew louder.

I closed my eyes and escaped the pain. Right before I surrendered consciousness, I felt a warm hand wrap around mine.

"_Emma?" I felt a gentle touch on my wrist. The touch was warm and soft. _

_The feminine voice spoke my name once more before squeezing my wrist. "Emma, wake up." _

_I groaned slightly. A chuckle. "Emma, come on Emma you need to wake up!" _

"_Kallie. Go away. I wanna sleep!" The whine I elicited sounded like it was coming from the mouth of an infant. _

_She huffed. "Emma Hudson. You wake up right now. I have a surprise for you!"_

_This got my attention. I slowly opened my eyes to see my sister intently staring at me. Her blonde hair was pushed back into a messy bun and her bright, incredible blue eyes blinked quickly. Her cheeks were also slightly flushed. _

"_Come on, Em! We have to hurry before they get back!"_

_Now _that_ had my attention. I slowly sat up on the small bed and looked at her. "Mom and Dad are gone?"_

_She nodded, resulting in a few wavy strands of hair to fall from her bun. "Yep! And you _have_ to see what I found this morning!" _

_She wrapped her fingers around mine and gently pulled me from the bed. _

"_Oh!" I gasped in pain. She supported my weight and looked up at me. "Take it easy, though. He didn't go easy on you last night." _

_A sharp, stabbing sensation shot through my leg. I glanced down to see a huge bruise staining the skin. My shorts did little to cover the mark. _

"_How bad was it?" I asked with a wince. _

"_Pretty bad. It was…loud." Her face fell at the memory. I hated screaming, it terrified Kallie and accomplished nothing. But last night? The pain was too much. _

_I was, however, pulled into a brief moment of comfort when I felt the sun warm my skin. Ignoring the pain, I stood up and walked on my own. But I kept my fingers laced with Kallie's. _

"_So what is it you wanted to show me?" I asked in a cheery tone. _

_She perked up. "I went outside this morning to get the paper and I found a honeysuckle bush!" _

_My heart warmed as she giggled. "A honeysuckle bush? Where?" I asked. _

"_It was growing around the base of one of the trees!" _

_We both made our way out the front door and left the house. It was a warm day; the season shift from Winter to Spring was just starting to occur. We walked along the soft grass as Kallie led me to the bush. Sure enough, there were bright yellow blossoms growing._

"_The first of the season!" She announced. _

_I gently plucked one of the blossoms and pulled out the bottom of the flower before sucking the juice from it. _

_I instantly smiled at my sister. "These taste incredible!" I moaned._

_We spent the early afternoon lying in the grass and eating honeysuckles. The sun gently kissed our skin and we were able to relax before they both came home and the torment started again. _

_As the day grew warmer, the smell of the blossoms grew more fragrant. It seemed to swirl around and comfort both of us. From that day on, whenever both of us had the chance we would go and bask in the sun and eat honeysuckles. _

_And even when we got daring, we would take trips in the middle of the night to retrieve a few of the precious flowers. We both grew to love honeysuckles. _

Suddenly a voice disrupted my pleasant dream. "Emma! Emma please wake up!" Like in my sleep, I felt a warm hand over mine.

I also heard someone crying. "I can't believe I hit her! Oh _God_! This is all my fault. How will she ever forgive me?"

_James?_

My mind was becoming less fuzzy, and the more I became aware of my surroundings, the more I was aware of the amount of pain I was in.

When I felt like I was fully awake, I opened my eyes, sat straight up and began crying from the pain. The pain in my back, the pain in my arms, the pain radiating from my core. I was just in _pain._ And it was too much for me to bear.

I frantically looked around the room. It was a stark white and the smell of antiseptic burned my nostrils.

_A hospital._

Logan, Kendall, Carlos, Kallie and James were all there. Logan had immediately run out of the room shouting for a doctor, Kallie wrapped her arms around me, and Kendall was comforting a very shocked looking James.

A James whose hair was a complete mess and had tear stains all down his cheeks.

"Emma! Emma calm down!" I heard Kallie saying in my ear. I leaned into her embrace and cried into her shoulder.

The smell of honeysuckles radiated from her. I inhaled deeply and calmed a bit from the familiar scent, but I was still in _so much pain._

I tried to stop my tears, but I ended up simply gasping and letting out choked noises.

Suddenly Kallie was gently pushed aside and I looked up to see James. Without even hesitating, I threw myself into his arms and pulled him to me.

"Emma! Oh God baby I am _so sorry._ Please forgive me. I didn't mean to hit you! Please Emma please forgive me. I am so sorry! Oh God…" He tightened his grip around me and planted kissed all over my head.

I simply snuggled further into his chest and cried into him. He continued to murmur soft apologies to me and I felt his tears fall down onto my cheeks. I didn't care. I didn't care that he had hit me or hurt me. All I cared about was being closer to him.

We both cried together and held each other as tight as possible. Being in his arms I felt protected, I felt safe. I felt loved.

It was then that I heard Logan arrive back in the room with the doctor.

"…she just bolted upright and started crying from the pain!" he explained to the doctor.

He simply nodded and took a quick look at the monitors I was hooked up to before looking at me. James knelt beside the bed and held me in his arms.

"Emma! I'm glad you're awake." He smiled. "I'm Dr. Simmons."

I nodded.

"First question I need to ask you, do you need any pain medication?" He looked to be in his early thirties, he had sandy blonde hair that was pushed back, a genuine smile and look of concern, and deep brown eyes.

Again, I nodded. "Please."

He then moved to inject something into my IV, but James stood protectively over me. I squeezed his hand. "Baby, it's okay."

The doctor spoke gently, "Mr. Diamond, I promise you I will not hurt her in any way."

James stepped back and watched intently as the medication was injected into my system. As soon as he was done, James' arms were back around me.

Dr. Simmons went on to list all of the things that were wrong. "You have some severe bruising all over your body, you're recovering from a light concussion, and you have some scrapes and scratches. Miraculously, nothing is broken." He sighed. "But…we did a rape kit."

I suddenly felt James' arms tighten around mine. Kallie gasped and I could practically hear Logan, Carlos and Kendall shift into protective mode.

The doctor glanced around. "Do you…want this to be a private discussion?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. These guys are my family, they deserve to know. And I already know I was raped. All I'm concerned about is the damage."

My heart hammered wildly against my chest.

_Please. Tell me I'm okay._

"We're surprised, actually! You will have no permanent damage done from this. The knife didn't cause any-"

Suddenly James released his grip on me and stood up. "_What? She was raped with a fucking knife?" _His screams echoed throughout the small room. I cringed at his tone.

Kendall also bolted up and put a hand on his shoulder before pointing to me. Shock was plastered all over his face. Shock and regret.

"Oh God Emma!" James immediately came back to me and held me. Everyone else just looked _livid._ Kendall had a murderous look on his face.

I should be devastated, but I was ecstatic that there was no damage. I actually smiled at the doctor. "That's fantastic news to hear. Thank you."

He told me a few more things, about how I was going to be released tomorrow morning, how I needed to take it easy, and how I was extremely lucky.

I then looked back at everyone. "What about our Dad?"

"Actually, he passed shortly after we brought him in." Dr. Simmons announced.

Suddenly, Kallie and I both began crying tears of joy and relief. I choked out another thank you to the doctor, who then politely excused himself.

_He's dead. He will never, ever hurt us again. We're safe._

"Um…I'm hungry. Let's go down to the cafeteria, shall we?" Kendall ushered everyone else out of the room, but not before Kallie came over to me and held my hand tightly for a minute. Her blue eyes were bright and happy and we both shared tears falling down our cheeks.

Logan put his arm around her and with a watery smile, she leaned into him and they all left.

I looked back at James. He had tears falling down his face. "Emma."

"I…James I am so _so_ sorry I-" he cut me off with a passionate kiss. Almost instantly, our tongues were dancing together and our bodies were pressed together. There were sparks, fireworks and moans of pleasure. I didn't need him to tell me I was forgiven.

After a brief moment he pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "Emma. Don't. Apologize. Let's just put this behind us, okay?"

I nodded and pulled him in for a hug. "I love you so much."

The feeling of his body against mine was pure bliss. Even though he was a mess, he still smelled like James. .

He smiled against me. The sincerity of his next statement filled me with euphoria.

"Emma, I love you more than anything in this world."

Despite the pain I was in, I grinned like a fool and I pulled him in for a passionate, hot kiss.

**A/N: Okay please leave me a review, guys! I really really want some feedback on this chapter. I still feel like it was a little rushed and awkward, but I feel the most confident with this version than with the other ones. **

**Also! I am co-writing a story with the amazing VanillaVanity! It is a Big Time Rush fic, and we have the first chapter up. It's called 'Behind Closed Doors' and it would mean the world to both of us if you could check it out! :D You should be able to find it through my profile in my favorite stories(: **

**The next chapter will be up within this next week, hopefully. I'm getting ready to go back to school so I have to deal with all that before school prep :S ANYWAYS! Thank you for reading and I hope you all loved it!(: 3**

**~Kara**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Okay! I'm back! First, **_**I have not forgotten about this story!**_** I am so, so, so sorry I haven't updated in over a month. School started and everything is completely chaotic right now. I want to thank every single person who is still reading this. I am so, incredibly sorry that it has taken me this long to put up this chapter. I will, I **_**swear**_**, put up the next chapter in a reasonable time frame. **

**You guys really have no idea how bad I feel about this. **

**I love all of you guys for reading and still staying with me *heart* **

**More at the bottom; please, please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

**Note: I'm posting this in a hurry so please forgive any typos or errors!**

"_Emma."_

The voice gently registered with my sleeping brain and worked to awaken me from my sleep. My hand was then enfolded within a warm grasp, and strong, firm hands gently rubbed against my skin.

My hospital room was quiet and still with a slight chill in the air; the atmosphere was calm. Very calm. I felt extremely comfortable snuggled down into the sheets, and I felt at peace.

Again, the quiet voice called my name again while applying some slight pressure to my hand. "Emma. Baby?"

"Mmm?" I groaned while stretching my sore limbs, aware of another presence on the bed. My eyelids fluttered open and I blinked while trying to clear my blurry vision.

The figure in front of me came into view. "James?" He looked _gorgeous_, as always, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a black graphic tee. His bright hazel eyes seemed to smile when he saw me wake up.

"Hey beautiful." I instantly sat up and wrapped my arms around his firm waist. His shirt was soft, yet I could feel his hard muscles resting just below the fabric. He ran his hands gently up and down my back and kissed my head. I shivered slightly when his soft lips brushed against my ear.

He laughed. "Hey, I'll give you _more_ than you can handle when you're feeling better."

Excitement bubbled in my veins and I could feel my lower half heating up with desire. I quickly sat up and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Hey!" I tested out my acting skills and brightened up. "I feel better! I swear!" He leaned forward and messed up my hair. I pouted and crossed my arms.

"Aw hey now! Maybe," He placed his hands on either side of me and pressed his lips against mine. "Just maybe," He kissed me again, "I can make you feel better."

I traced my tongue around his lips before wrapping my hands around his neck and pulling him closer. His lips immediately opened and my tongue instantly met with his. His warmth spread to me and I moaned into his mouth.

"James…" My voice got lost in his mouth as he pressed my sore body closer to his. I felt his hands gently cup my face.

He ran his thumbs along my cheeks. "Mmm, baby, I've missed being with you." The protective, possessive tone in his voice sent shivers throughout my body and I knew that I was his. I belonged to him, just as he belonged to me.

Suddenly his fingers trailed down my neck and brushed over a sore spot. Without thinking, I winced in pain. His hands quickly pulled away and the lust in his eyes was gone. He scanned my body quickly.

"Emma? Emma I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you! Are you okay?" James' voice was rushed and the sentence came out all at once.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm just sore. I'm going to be." I then started to become aware of my surroundings.

"What time is it? Where's everyone else?" I questioned.

He then got off the bed and bent down beside me. "It's just after seven, I came to check you out of this place. Everyone else is back at the Palm Woods."

He pressed a call button above my head. "Ready to leave, babe?"

Eagerly, I nodded. "Yes. I hate hospitals, always have. I'm just…sore. Really sore in some places…"

As I shifted around in bed I realized just how much pain was radiating from my core. Every time I moved another shot of pain went through me. But I wasn't going to tell James about that if I didn't have to.

James opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted when Dr. Simmons walked back in.

"Good morning, Emma! How are we feeling today?" He pulled out a clipboard and a pen as he checked me up and down.

I started reaching out for James' hand, but he beat me to it and instantly grabbed mine. "I'm a little sore, but okay."

"Well you're going to be. You are going to deal with quite a few cuts and bruises for awhile, but, as we discussed yesterday, nothing too serious."

James turned to face him. "And I can bring her back home today?"

Dr. Simmons nodded. "Yes, James, you can. I'm going to ask that you do a few things to check a few of her wounds, but she's free to leave."

"Anything." James agreed.

The doctor told James about a few of my more serious cuts that needed to be watched for infection, and James paid perfect attention.

_Logan can help him later._

Once the doctor had instructed him on what to look for, we began the "checking out" process. In about a half an hour, everything was set to go and all I needed to do was get dressed.

"I was going to tell you earlier, but I brought a bag with some clothes and some stuff that Kallie threw in." James smiled and tossed me a small gray bag. I thanked him and threw my legs over the side of the bed before standing up.

_Bad idea._

Almost instantly, I collapsed to the ground. James rushed forward and caught me in his arms. "Whoa, Emma are you okay?"

His eyes were full of concern, and his grip on me was tight. "Yeah, I just stood up too fast….uh…" I blushed slightly at the question I was about to ask.

"Uh…? You can ask me anything, babe. You know that."

"Can…you…uh…help me get dressed?" My voice was low at the need to ask such a childish question.

James laughed quietly. "Of course, Emma, don't be shy about that." He helped me to my feet and supported my weight as we both walked into the bathroom. He placed the bag on the sink and I sat down on the toilet lid.

James knelt down on the ground in front of me and I spread my legs so he could get closer. The feeling of him, my James, between my legs again brought a smile to my face.

"Miss me?" He asked in a smug tone. I nodded and giggled slightly. I kissed him quickly on the lips. "I love you. So much."

He smiled a brilliant smile as he held my hands. "I love you. Emma I love you more than anything and I'm so, _so_, sorry. Emma…I…I don't deserve you and I can't believe you're willing to forgive me after what I did." He placed his hand against the side of my face.

Tears glistened in his eyes. "Emma I am _so sorry._ I should have never, ever, _ever_ even _thought_ about laying a hand on you in that way. I'm no better than your Father."

With that, I placed a finger over his lips and placed my hands on either side of his face so that his eyes were staring straight into mine. Even though I was weak, I made my voice strong and serious. "James Diamond you listen to me right now. First, you are _never_ allowed to lower yourself to that level. _Never!_ James you are _not_ my Father. You are so much better than he is, you understand that? He isn't even human, and you are _not_ allowed to even _compare_ yourself to his worthless ass, you got that? James, _I cheated on you._ I had sex with another man. James you had every right to slap me, I deserved it. I-"

Suddenly his lips were on mine, passionate and heated. His tongue instantly started dancing with mine and his hands were everywhere; on my face, on my back, on my arms…everywhere. And I still couldn't get enough. Even though my body cried out in pain, I ignored it and wrapped my hands around him and brought him closer.

Tears streamed down my cheeks and I actually cried out into the kiss. James broke away and stared at me. "I want to show you just how much I love you. I want to show you how much you're worth. I want to make you forget everything. I just want to make love to you, Emma, slow, hot, passionate love. I want you so badly and I want to hear you scream in sheer pleasure. You have no idea how sexy you are when you're in so much pleasure, you have no idea how incredible you are, how strong and brave you are and you have no idea just what how much you mean to me."

More tears trailed down my cheeks. "Oh James…" I pulled him in for another hot kiss. I wanted him. I wanted him right then, but I knew that my body wouldn't handle it well…at all. So I had to settle for this.

Eventually he pulled away and kissed my cheek once more. "Let's get this thing off of you." Once I was out of the hospital gown, I stood before him fully nude. And I could tell it was killing him. His eyes raked over my body and were wide with want.

"Emma…" His voice was low. But not with lust. He was angry.

Suddenly I looked down and immediately turned around and pulled the gown back up to cover myself. Tears of shame, sadness, anger and embarrassment poured from my eyes. "_Damn it!"_ I cried out.

I was horribly cut up and bruised. My body was littered with all sorts of scrapes, cuts, bruises, marks and blemishes along with the faded scars of other punishments. _The bastard had to ruin this, too. He has to leave me with all these reminders. _

I began to cry harder and I then felt James wrap his hands around my body. "Shh. Emma, baby don't cry, please. It's okay, everything will be okay. I'm right here, you're okay." I felt his lips against my ear and my neck.

I turned into him and cried into his shirt. "James how can you look at me? I'm hideous! I look _awful_! The damned bastard has to keep fucking up my life!"

In an instant his hands were gripping my shoulders and I was staring into his eyes. "Emma now it's your turn to listen to _me._ You are _not_ hideous. Emma you're fucking beautiful, absolutely stunning. I don't see these cuts, I see _you._ And _you_ are beautiful. Don't you _ever, ever_ think that of yourself! He's _dead_! He has no control over you and is not a part of your life anymore. You will move on and leave him in the past where he belongs! Do you understand me?"

I couldn't protest him further. I simply nodded and wrapped my legs around his waist. He pulled the gown from my grip and threw it aside. Having my legs spread that wide _hurt_, but I ignored it the best I could. It would take awhile before the after pain of being raped would subside…and that made me _furious._ I wanted James. All of him, but there's no way I would be able to handle it.

"James…" I moaned quietly. I was frustrated to the point of tears; I was hot and bothered and all I wanted was my boyfriend.

He set me on the edge of the sink and placed the bag on the edge of the sink. I whimpered slightly, and James caught the meaning.

"Baby I want nothing more than to get on my knees and eat you out, but it's going to have to wait." At his choice of words, I only became more sexually frustrated.

"James!" I shouted.

He unzipped the bag. "What?"

"Don't be so graphic with your desires!" Suddenly I heard him start howling with laughter. "What's so funny about this?" I huffed.

He pulled out a matching set of panties and underwear. "Am I making you horny by telling you what I want to do to you?"

I threw my hands in the air and winced at the movement. "Yes!"

"But I only said I wanted to eat you out!"

Past memories flooded my thoughts. "But I can't stop thinking about it!"

He handed me the fabric and smiled at me. "You're so adorable when you're horny."

I threw the panties back at his head and he only broke out into a wider smile. He picked them up and stood in front of me. "Emma, I _promise_ when you're feeling better, I am going to make this up to you. You will get so tired of me you will be kicking me out of bed."

I scoffed. "I doubt that."

Gently, he slid the panties up my legs. "It kills me that I have to be putting them on when all I want is to take them off…"

I handed him the bra. "Oh hush."

His hands then clasped the push up bra onto my body and kissed me. "What did you bring?" I asked,

"There's a dress in here, a pair of jeans, a t -shirt, and a pair of sweats with a tank top." He answered as he dug through the small bag.

I peeked in over his shoulder. "I'll take the sweats and tank." He pulled out the pink pants and a black top.

His fingers gently skimmed over my legs as he pulled the fabric up, and he did the same with the tank top. Once I was dressed, I, with much effort, put my hair back into a bun and soon we were on our way back to the Palm Woods.

The ride home was calm and relaxing; there wasn't much traffic out on the roads and James drove the car exceptionally well. We also had his iPod playing and the soothing melodies of Jack Johnson filled the car.

"Once you get better I have a surprise for you." He said as he pulled to a stop at an intersection.

I laughed. "And what's that? Are you going to sexually frustrate me further?"

He shook his head. "No, you silly goof, I'm going to take you out to dinner to celebrate your birthday!"

_My birthday._ "What's the date?" I suddenly asked.

"It's September 2nd." He replied.

I suddenly sat forward in my seat. "What? When did it become September?" My birthday is September 5th.

He drove the car through the intersection. "Yeah your 18th birthday is coming up! And as soon as you're feeling better, we're going out to dinner to celebrate."

I quietly reached across the seat and grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you." I whispered.

He squeezed my hand in response and smiled at me.

"Can you do something for me?" I asked.

He nodded and looked back at me. "Anything Emma, just name it."

"Can you sing for me?"

If possible, his smile grew wider. "Of course, babe."

For the rest of the ride home, his incredible voice lulled me into a state of relaxation.

Once we pulled into the Palm Woods, he helped me out of the car and we both started walking towards the front entrance. The weather was cool and the sun was shining; the warmth of the rays on my chilled skin made me let out a slight giggle. Once I was snuggled into his side and his arm was wrapped firmly around me, our feet carried us up to our floor.

As soon as James opened the door to my place, Kendall, Logan, Carlos and Kallie all came up and greeted us with tight hugs.

Kallie, who was attached to Logan, looked a million times happier and brighter as she bounced towards me. "Emma! How are you? I wanted to come with James but..we…uh…figured he could just check you out!"

James looked at Logan, "The doctor said to check up on a few of her cuts, can you help with that? He gave me some instructions but I just want to make sure."

Logan nodded. "Of course man. No problem."

Suddenly I felt a pair of gentle arms embrace me. "I'm so glad you're okay, Emma!" Carlos kissed my cheek and smiled at me. "Thanks, Carlos." I returned his smile.

James kissed my temple and then left to go put my bag back into my room.

"Hey." Kendall came up and gave me a hug.

"Hey."

"Can we talk?" He lowered his voice and stepped closer to me.

_Ah shit. You knew this was coming…_

I nodded. "Yes, of course, but can it wait until later? I'm exhausted and all I want to do right now is go back to sleep." I gave him an apologetic smile.

"No problem. Get some rest, okay?" He smiled and squeezed my shoulder. After excusing myself, I walked back into my bedroom where James was un packing the bag he brought.

"Sleep with me?" I blurted out as soon as I walked into the room. He turned back to me and immediately came up to me and enfolded me into a hug. "Of course, baby, of course." I could tell he was saying it with a smile, which made me smile.

After I turned out the lights and closed the curtains, I grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. I snuggled into his chest and, in a matter of minutes, fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

Sure enough, once I was feeling better, James kept his promise to take me out for my birthday. I was feeling _so_ much better and my cuts were starting to heal; but James still refused to have sex with me…which was beginning to get frustrating.

"_Please, baby I need you. Please!" I moaned into his neck. My desperation was taking over, and I had resorted to begging. James was above me resting between my legs; but he kept a distance from me so that he didn't "hurt me" with his weight. _

_Which meant I couldn't feel his lovely hard on. _

_He laughed and stroked my face with his hands. "No, Emma, not until you're better. I saw you today when Carlos accidentally hit your back. You were in pain and I'm not going to contribute to it!" _

_I whined. "James! Come on please! I _need_ you! It's been so long…I just want you. All of you." I was so frustrated I started to tear up. _

"_Emma, you're not crying over this are you?" He looked shocked. "I _promise_ in a few days, I will meet every single one of your needs." And his rude ass tortured me further when he ran his tongue up my neck. I whimpered. _

"_Soon, baby, soon." _

"Emma! You ready? James just got here!" Kallie cried out from the living room.

"Okay, be out in a minute!" I checked my appearance in the mirror one more time; I was wearing a brand new skin-tight blood red dress, sleek black pumps, my hair was perfectly curled and my makeup was sexy. After I greatly sprayed myself with James' favorite perfume, I grabbed my small purse and left the room.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach briefly. I hadn't dressed up in awhile, let alone like _this_. I looked like a sex goddess; and I felt like one too. Especially with the low cut v-neck the dress had. My cleavage showed _very_ nicely.

Once I walked out into the living room, my confidence shot through the roof. Everyone was watching something on the television, but as soon as I entered the room, every single ounce of attention was on _me_.

Kallie's jaw hit the floor and her eyes widened. "Holy _shit_, Emma! You look incredible!" She praised.

I smiled and laughed. "Well good looks _do _run in the family, sis." Carlos, Logan, and Kendall all stared. But Mr. Eyebrows gave me a subtle thumbs up and a warm smile in addition to his stares.

"_Emma? Can we talk?" Kendall looked like he was dreading this as much as I was, but it needed to be done. _

_I held the door open for him. "Sure, Kallie and Logan are out and James said he had something to do with Carlos. It's just us." We both walked into the kitchen. _

"_Want anything?" I asked in an attempt to put off the inevitable. He played along. _

"_Sure, water?" Once I handed him the frosted over bottle, I leaned against the island. "Well? We both know what we need to talk about." _

_He took a sip and nodded. "I…Emma I should never have done that. I was taking advantage of you when you-"_

_I hopped up onto the island. "Kendall, don't. Just don't. I wanted it. And you weren't taking advantage of me; I knew full well what I was doing and what the implications were. I chose to make that decision, and I'm sorry I dragged you into it." _

"_Look. We both made a mistake, and we both realize it was a bad idea. I say we just move on and forget about it, okay?" _

_I eagerly nodded, excited to get this conversation over. "Sounds like a plan. Let's just never mention it again. Just friends?" I extended my hand. _

_He shook it and smiled. "Just friends."_

I returned Kendall's smile and then looked to James. James who was dressed in a navy blue dress shirt and black dress pants. James who's hair was perfect as always. James who looked _so fucking sexy._

James, who began striding towards me with a possessive look in his eyes. "Emma…you look _beautiful_." His eyes were impossibly huge and his voice was awe-inspired. He spoke almost in a wispy quiet tone.

I smiled again. "Thanks, baby. We ready to go?" He nodded and addressed everyone. "We will be back tomorrow sometime, bye!" As we said our goodbyes to everyone, not once did he take his eyes off of my body. Once the door to the apartment closed, he grabbed my waist and backed me into the wall before instantly running his tongue up my neck. "Emma. You _fucking tease._ Are you trying to kill me?" He groaned.

I suddenly snorted and pushed him backwards and placed my hands on my hips. "James Diamond don't you _dare_ call _me_ a tease when you have been sexually frustrating me for the past week!"

"That doesn't compare to," He made motions pointing to my body, "_this!_ How the hell am I going to get through tonight when you look like an…absolute…angel…" His voice lowered at the end and his eyes raked my body.

"Yes it does! I've wanted nothing more than for you to bend me over and fuck me senseless for the past week! And now you finally know how I feel." I crossed my arms over my chest.

Suddenly he stormed across the hallway and backed me into the wall yet again. He put his lips to my ear and roughly whispered into my ear. "Are you _kidding me?_ Emma you're absolutely insane to think that you're the only one suffering here. Do you know how badly I want to fuck you? How badly I want to eat you out? How badly I want your mouth on my dick? You're not the only one being teased here."

A shiver rolled through my spine and I looked into his eyes. "Baby we have all night to catch up on…things." I giggled. He picked up my bag for me, and soon we were on our way again.

"Will you tell me where you're taking me?"I asked impatiently.

"No, you need to be patient!"

I sighed. "James! I've been patient for the last week! It's September 9th! My birthday was four days ago. I deserve something…"

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "In time baby, in time."

For the next hour we talked and laughed as we drove to the restaurant. My eyes widened as he pulled into the parking lot.

"Are you _kidding_ me? Do you even know how much you're about to spend?" My jaw hit the floor. He had just pulled into one of _the_ best restaurants in the area.

He just laughed. "Why yes, yes I do."

Once we were in the restaurant, a waitress led us to a quiet, romantic corner right next to a window with a spectacular view of the beach.

"Whoa," I sighed while lowering myself onto the plush seat, "this is incredible James! How are you affording this?"

The glow of the candles on the table enveloped both of us in a serene, warm glow. "Emma, that's for _me_ to worry about. Not you. Okay?"

Suddenly a very handsome man approached our table. "Hello! I'm Austin and I will be your waiter this evening. Can I get you two any…"

"_Emma? There's something I need to tell you." Uncle Bill's voice sounded..light. And happy for once in a long time. Kallie had called him right after I was admitted to the hospital, and I had just gotten the chance to call him back. _

"_Judging by your voice it's can't be too bad, what is it? Did you win the lottery?" I plopped down onto the bed next to James, who was intently listening in. _

_He laughed. "No, but…it involves your mother." _

_I froze. And James squeezed my hand. "What about her?" _

_He took a deep breath. "Emma, she's dead. She drove her car off of a bridge. She's gone." _

_James looked like he didn't know whether to say he was sorry or congratulate me. I however sighed; a million and one pounds off of my shoulders. My parents, the source of my pain and misery for my entire life, were gone. Gone. For good. They could never hurt me again._

"_I...wow. That's…a relief, uncle Bill. Thank you for calling." James squeezed my hand again, but said nothing. _

"_They're gone, Emma. They can never hurt you again." _

"Emma!"

"Whoa, sorry, spaced out for a minute. What's up?" I shook my head and directed my attention to a laughing James.

"What do you want to drink?" He pointed to our waiter.

"Oh! Sorry, sir, I'll take a…" I glanced quickly through the menu, "one of these fruit smoothies. And a glass of water."

He smiled, "No problem, which flavor would you like?"

"Strawberry, thanks." I handed him the menu and turned my attention back to James.

"What?" I asked with a laugh.

"You were totally gone. You took a one way ticket to Emma-land."

I blushed softly. "Sorry," I mumbled.

His warm hand gently grabbed mine. "Hey, don't say sorry. What were you thinking about?"

"Just…everything that's happened recently." The dancing candle in front of me grabbed my attention and held it gently in it's moving flame.

_Back and forth. Back and forth._

"Here's your drinks," a few frosted glasses were suddenly set in front of us. "Have you decided or do you need a few minutes?"

James laughed quietly, "I think we need a few more minutes."

"Certainly, sir. Take your time"

"Hey babe have you eaten here before?" I asked while flipping through the menu. James shook his head while quickly scanning his menu.

"Hmm…ooh the shrimp scampi looks yummy…" I moaned while drooling over the dazzling adjectives being used in the description.

"I like the looks of this parmesan chicken." I quickly flipped over to it and sure enough, it seemed mouth watering.

I set down my menu and folded it to its original position and fixed my gaze upon James. He looked…incredibly handsome. I wanted to jump across the table and make him mine, but…I don't think society would approve of such a public action. So I settled for the visions on my mind.

Right when James set his menu down and opened his mouth to say something, the waiter returned. "Have you two decided yet?"

Once we placed our orders and we were once again alone, James took my hand in his and gently stroked my skin. Each touch of his flesh against mine made my stomach flip. I never lost the butterflies with him.

He burst out into a giant grin. "I was going to wait until later…but I can't. I'm going to give you your birthday present now."

I perked up at the promise of a gift. "James-"

But he interrupted. "Don't you "James" me. You're my girlfriend you're going to get gifts. Suck it up babe."

My mouth closed and I nodded. He dug a large black jewelry box out of his pocket.

_OhGodohGodohGodohGodohGod. _

My heart started to pound wildly. "J-James…"

He set the box on the table.

_It's too big too for a ring. _

My heart calmed down a bit, but I still leaned forward to take it with shaky hands.

"I…I really hope you like it." He smiled proudly; but his voice gave away nerves.

The cloth was soft and smooth; and the rectangular box surprisingly had weight to it. I had never really received many gifts in my life, and I had certainly never received any decent jewelry. Butterflies swiftly flew around in my stomach.

But I commanded my fingers to stop shaking and I slowly opened the box. It flipped open very easily, revealing the treasure inside.

And, even though we were in a high class atmosphere, I squealed loudly with delight.

"James!" A wide smile broke out on my face when I removed the necklace from the box. "Oh my _God_ James it's beautiful!" I giggled and stared at it in the light.

"You really think so?" The man in front of me sat a little higher, satisfied that he picked out a gift I loved.

"Yes!" My voice was high pitched and loud, but I didn't care. "James how did you know I loved ammolite?"

The necklace was beyond gorgeous; there was a _large_ oval pendant of ammolite surrounded by rings of what appeared to be white gold. The gemstone was perfect; a brilliant red at the top switching through orange, yellow, and green before turning into to a deep, rich blue at the bottom. There also appeared to be round diamonds decorating the gold rings.

The color radiated the light from the candle, and it seemed unreal. The colors, the perfection, the clarity…I looked back up at James with tears in my eyes.

_I've never had something this nice before._

I was almost afraid to touch it.

"James…" I instantly got up out of my seat and walked over to him. "James…this is incredible!" I reached down to throw my arms around him. I felt his hands gently stroke my hair as he kissed my temple.

"I'm so glad you love it!" He laughed.

I nodded vigorously. "I've never had anything like this before…" my voice slightly choked at the end. And he noticed.

"…Ever?" He raised an eyebrow. I nodded. "I…never got gifts. Never anything like this. Oh God it's beautiful! Put it on me?" I handed him the pendant, _gently, ever so gently_, and I turned around and lifted my hair. A few seconds later the heavy pendant was settled in the perfect position on my chest.

James stared. "Oh God…that looks _incredible_ on you!" He winked.

My fingers traced the smooth lines and curves of the necklace. "James…I don't know what to say."

"How about I'm _the_ best boyfriend ever and you will…_repay_ me later?" His voice deepened at the end. I eagerly nodded, tears still in my eyes.

The rest of the evening went by in a flash; our meals were _heavenly_ and we simply talked. About everything and anything. We were laughing and flirting and having fun. And we ended up playing footsie the entire evening.

Once James paid the bill, which he wouldn't let me see, we walked back out to the car and he slowly backed me into it. "We're not done with this evening yet. We're going to the beach." He smiled before pulling me in for a kiss.

I bit his lower lip before pulling back. "Do I look dressed for the beach?" I gestured down at my dress.

Suddenly his hands were on my hips and his mouth was pressed against my ear. "That's why you _take it off._ You don't be needing it tonight anyways."

And, with that promise, I was dragging him to the car.

**A/N: Okay, again, I am **_**so**_ **sorry! I know posting this late is absolutely ridiculous! I know I should be hit over the head a few times…**

**BUT! Please please leave me some lovely reviews! I would love any feedback on this! Thank you all so much for still sticking with this! I will be better I **_**promise.**_**  
><strong>

**~Kara **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: And I am back! Okay I am really, really nervous about this chapter, so please be super kind and leave me a review! Now, this chapter is pretty much the end of Running with Motivation. I will put out on more epilogue chapter; but this is it! Also, please ignore any typos!**

**I really, **_**really**_** hope I'm giving this the ending it deserves. But, enough with this, please enjoy everyone! I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

I was actually _shaking_ as I settled down into the car. James and I hadn't been…_together_ in far too long. I missed it. So much.

_Especially the way his tongue-_

"Emma? Ready to go?" The sun was just beginning to set, and the light added a glow to everything in the car. Including James who was grinning ear to ear.

I reached over and kissed his neck gently. "I can't believe you actually have to ask that…but yes. I'm ready." And I totally failed at keeping the lust out of my voice.

He chuckled. "Soon. Baby I promise." His fingers trailed up my legs and stopped at the hem of my dress.

A moan fell from my lips. "James Diamond I swear to God if you tease me any fucking more I am going to-"

Suddenly he _stomped_ on the gas pedal and we went zooming out of the parking lot. The speed of his acceleration slammed me back into the seat. I held his hand in mine the entire ride. We were silent; both of us knowing what was going to happen tonight, and _damn_, was I excited.

_It had just been way too long. _

And soon, we arrived at our destination.

It was a beach similar to where Kendall and I…uh…hooked up, but it wasn't the same one. It was smaller and much more private; much more hidden.

_More intimate._

James quickly kissed my cheek, got out of the car and then opened the door for me.

"Why thank you sir." I smiled and took his extended hand stepped from the vehicle. Off to the left was a worn path made in the sand; it curved further to the left a little ways down, so you couldn't see much past that.

The sun was just beginning to set, but it's warmth from the day still lingered in the air and on the ground. I bent down and took off my heels before tossing them in the car.

"Ahh. That's much better." My bare feet sunk into the soft, warmed sand of the path. James simply laced his hand with mine and gently led me down the path. There were trees on either side of the path and the light from the sun gently filtered through the trees and made various waving patterns on the white sand.

"Babe? Have you been here before?" I asked, somewhat already knowing the answer.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple. "Yes, I found it awhile ago. The waves are perfect here to surf."

Suddenly the path curved to the right and opened up to a cozy, intimate spot. It looked like something out of a travel channel program; clear waters gently lapping at the white sand beach, it was protected and made private by more trees and various foliage surrounding the whole area.

But, what demanded my attention was the set up on the beach. A very soft, inviting looking red blanket was spread out with candles and a basket.

"James?" My voice was barely a whisper.

He spun me around into a tight embrace. "Yes baby?"

"Why is there a basket? We just ate. Which was absolutely fabulous by the way." I leaned up and kissed him on the nose.

"An extra dessert…or two." He grinned.

I suddenly grabbed his hand and took off towards the setup. "James! This is incredible!"

Without hesitating I reached back and unzipped my dress before peeling it off and tossing it onto the blanket. But I left my brand new necklace on. Even though the sun was just a few minutes above the horizon, it was still warm and I smiled as it kissed my skin.

I turned back to James and flirtatiously fingered the sexy thong I was wearing. "Well come on baby, I'm not the only one who is going to be showing skin tonight." I ushered him forward and he basically tripped over himself trying to get nude. Eventually he stood beside me in just his boxers and he pulled me in for a hug. The smell of his cologne still radiated on his skin and I snuggled into him.

I could also feel that he was beginning to get hard.

"Aww. No boxers allowed." Without me even having to help, they were practically ripped from his body.

"Hey now, Miss Hypocrite, take yours off too. Not that I don't absolutely love your choice of lingerie…" His hands slid down my back and he slapped my ass once before fingering the skimpy G-string and ripping it off.

"Oh fuck James…" Just having his hands on my ass was the closest we've ever gotten to anything intimate. And I was climbing a peak for more.

James rubbed his hands up and down my thighs gently before sucking at the base of my neck, which I was positive was going to leave one hell of a mark.

Moaning, I tugged at his hair. "Oh, God."

Suddenly his hand came up and unclasped my bra, which immediately fell to the ground. I shivered slightly at the rush of air against my sensitive breasts, but I was moaning when James enclosed his mouth over my left nipple.

His wet tongue flicked at it and swirled around it a few times before he pulled it between his teeth and sucked on it. My back immediately arched against him. I wanted this to last; but at the same time I wanted him in me _now._

Damn. Patience was never my strong point.

As soon as my left nipple was painfully hard, he moved to my right one. As he distributed his _lovely_ mouth across my breasts I immediately missed his mouth on my left.

I brought my hand up and rolled it between my fingers, but James slapped it away.

"James!" I cried out in protest.

He looked up at me with dark, shining eyes. "_I_ am the _only_ one going to pleasure you tonight." His voice was deep and husky; he wanted this just as much as I did.

His warm fingers replaced mine as he went back to work. Every lap of his tongue, every pinch of his fingers, every time my nipple got sucked between his perfect teeth a shot of pleasure went straight down.

By the time he was done, I was already a writhing mess.

"Come on baby. Lay down." We both sat down onto the blanket; which was just as soft as it looked, and he quickly opened the basket and pulled out a lighter.

By this point, the sun had almost completely set, and he made quick work of lighting all the candles. It illuminated the area in a warm, romantic glow. Breezes were few and far between, but when they decided to roll through the area, it was warm and soft.

"God. You are absolutely beautiful, Emma." His voice was soft as his eyes raked over my body. "You're my angel."

At that point I wanted to cry. I wanted to smile until my cheeks bled. All I wanted was _him._ No one else but _him._ Ever. He made me feel loved, so incredibly loved. He did so much for me and all I wanted for the rest of my life was him.

_James._

I pulled myself up onto my knees and moved towards him. "James…" There was so much I wanted to say…but I had no clue how to lay it all out.

"Babe?" He grabbed my hands and squeezed them gently.

"James…_thank you._ For everything. You…you have done so much for me. You have changed my life. I will never, _ever_ be able to thank you for it. I love you James Diamond. I love you more than anything else in this world." My voice caught several times at the sheer amount of emotion that was in my voice. Tears were in my eyes.

And James saw that.

Without saying anything, he immediately cupped my face and pulled me in for a _passionate_ kiss. I thrust my tongue into his mouth and he eagerly sucked on mine. I wanted to go deeper in him; and I basically tried to choke myself on his tongue.

I dug my nails into his back and he shuddered against me. His hands tangled in my hair and pulled my face closer to him. Within a few minutes he had spread my legs and was crawling between them. When I felt his hard on I cried out.

"Angel? Are you okay?"

I wanted to giggle at his new nickname for me. I loved it.

"Yes! Oh yes I'm more than okay. I just..babe it seems like it's been _forever_. You feel so fucking good…"

He smirked and brushed his thumb against my cheek. "And I'm not even inside you yet…damn." He ran his luscious tongue up my neck and sucked at various spots.

"James!"

He ran his hands down my sides and gently spread my legs further apart. Just that simple motion made me smile. The feeling of warm air there made me shiver. I had been neglected for way too long.

His hands gently stroked the inside of my thighs and I simply threw my head back. "Please! Oh God James please! I've been waiting for this. Baby please. Please…" I began moaning a mantra of 'please'.

And James laughed. "Oh Emma by the time I'm done with you, you won't even be able to walk."

_Oh…fuck._

His voice was like velvet dripping with pure lust.

James shuffled his body down so that his head was right between my legs. His hands moved down as he spread my lips apart. I whimpered out in frustration when my clit was exposed to the air around me. James stayed there. He didn't immediately attach his mouth onto me, but he just stayed there.

"Baby?" I whined.

He stared me up and down. "Emma…you're just gorgeous. I love looking at you like this. _God_."

I was about to say something, but then he spread me apart further and latched his mouth to me.

And once his tongue made contact with my clit, I cried out. God I missed it so much.

"Oh fuck James! Oh God you feel so good. I missed you." I gently tugged at his hair, which only encouraged him more.

He sucked in my clit between his teeth and ran his tongue across the most sensitive, hidden part of me. My breath came in short, shallow pants, until he started biting my clit. He had done this before, but never this rough. He went for it and sunk his teeth into me.

And I _screamed_ out in pleasure and pain. The pain, however, wasn't…well…a turn off, but only significantly added to the pleasure.

"Oh _FUCK_, James! Do that again. _Please!_" And he did. Again, and again, and again.

_Well, this is new._

I had never participated in rough sex but…I guess now was as good a time as any.

Every time he ground his teeth across my clit, I came closer and closer to an orgasm. Suddenly he moved his tongue to my inner thigh and, without any warning, thrust a single finger into me.

I gasped out sharply and thrust my hips forward. It was slightly uncomfortable, but, after a brief moment, it was sheer pleasure.

"More!" He obliged and added another finger. James wasn't going gently, he was _pounding_ into me roughly with his fingers.

"Oh God…Oh God…Oh God…" My breathing was short and shallow. I was _so _fucking close.

"Fuck, Emma! God you're so tight. You feel so fucking good. Come on Angel you're right there." I opened my mouth to say something, but when he started biting my clit, I screamed. I absolutely screamed.

And my screams got louder as he added a few more fingers. Within a few more moments, I came. _Hard._

My hips kept twitching and I kept convulsing as he continued to suck my clit to make my orgasm last that much longer. And, damn it, it worked. I continuously orgasmed for what seemed like forever.

I screamed and pulled his face closer to my body. I needed him _now._ Fucking _now._

He started kissing his way up my body and back to my lips. I wrapped my legs around his waist and practically bruised our mouths with the force of the kiss. It was sloppy, heated, and passionate.

Soon I reached down and grabbed his cock.

_Was he always this big?_

As soon as I squeezed him, he gasped, broke the kiss and involuntarily thrust his hips forward. "Oh, shit, Emma…"

I unwrapped my legs from him and made a motion to give _him_ oral, but he immediately stopped me.

"James! Oh God please let me return the favor. Please." I scraped my nails gently up and down his body, but he remained firm.

"No. No not tonight. I'm hard enough as it is…"

Yeah, I could bear witness to that one.

As soon as I laid back and spread my legs, he closed them. My eyebrow shot up.

_Aw hell no._

Judging by the look on my face, he realized what I was thinking. "No! No believe me baby I am _not_ backing out. We're just going to try something else tonight."

"Anything." My voice was extremely breathy.

He grabbed my hand, got me up on my knees, and then turned me around.

I blushed.

"You sure James?" I asked.

His hand gently lingered on the top of my spine before roughly bending me over. A whimper escaped my mouth.

He then pried my legs apart and pushed me down further.

_Talk about face down, ass up…_

I then heard him moan. After he whistled he chuckled, "God _damn_ baby. You're incredible."

"That's nice…just fuck me. Now." I was _this_ close. So close to having him inside me. So close to feeling whole again. So close to James.

Suddenly he brought his hand down on my ass. Hard. My body uncontrollably lurched forward and I cried out softly.

James then leaned forward and pressed his chest to my back. "Oh, does someone like being spanked?" I could practically see the grin on his smug face.

As an answer, I tried to back my ass up against him, but he pulled back and settled my hips before spanking me again. And again. And again.

He rubbed my ass where he would hit, and then bring his hand down again. I sucked my lips to the point where they were probably blood red. It just felt so _fucking_ good.

So good that I was willing to postpone the sex.

"You never answered me. Do you like being spanked? DO you like me smacking your dirty little ass?"

_Shit._

I wasn't even going to try and fight back. "Yes! Yes I do! Don't stop!" My voice was so desperate, so full of want, that he didn't come back at me with a witty retort.

He just brought his hand down repeatedly, to the point where I thought I would orgasm from it. Although I'm sure my ass was as black as a cherry.

Soon he brought his hand down over me and rubbed me a few times.

"James?" I whipped my head back and tossed my hair over my shoulder.

He looked up. God…the way the candlelight and the moonlight mixed and radiated off of his skin made him look other worldly. Like a god.

"Please…just do it." I prayed he would get it, and he did.

His eyes widened slightly. "Angel, are you sure? I've…I've never done it bare before."

I nodded. "Just pull out. Please. I need _you_." All of you. No obstacles.

To my delight, he agreed. After running his tongue up and down my back, and kissing the sore spot on my ass, I could feel his warm, already wet tip at my entrance.

I was shaking with anticipation. I _needed_ this.

His hands firmly grasped my hips as he slowly put his head in. Just that little bit made me cry out in pleasure.

_Oh fuck how I missed him._

Suddenly, he took it out. I cursed loudly at him and backed myself up.

"Now, now. Patience."

His chastising tone pissed me the hell off.

But, without any warning, he thrust himself fully into me. I _screamed_. I fucking wailed. I shouted to the heavens above and everything around us. And he screamed out with me.

"_Emma!" _He gasped out his pleasure just as I did. I could feel him twitch against me as he tried to adjust to the feeling of sex without a condom.

He was just _so God damned big!_ My hips wobbled slightly, but his hands kept me upright. I still buried my head into the blanket below.

Not only was the feeling of him overwhelming, but he was hitting me at a whole new angle. I was in pain, not going to lie on that, but it was such a _good_ pain. The beauty of the pain was that soon, It would turn into blissful pleasure.

However, he didn't give me any time to get used to him. Within a few seconds he pulled himself out and thrust back into me.

I was shaking. I was practically crying. I couldn't believe the feeling I was receiving from him.

"Oh my God James…oh _fuck_!" He continued that pattern; pulling all the way out and thrusting all the way in.

I could barely handle it.

_It just felt so good._

"Emma. Oh God baby you are incredible." Even though I could tell he was trying to be a stud, his voice shook just like my legs did.

Suddenly as he thrust into me, he brought his hand down on my ass again.

"James!" I yelped out. And, combining two new loves of pleasure, he spanked me as he fucked me.

Soon I was clutching the blanket with my eyes shut and screaming with my mouth wide open. I just couldn't believe how good he was making me feel.

He stretched me in _the_ most incredible way. And doing it without a condom? God. Damn. I wasn't being thrust into by a piece of plastic, it was _him._ Warm, wet, and I could feel the outline of every vein and defining feature of his dick.

"Oh fuck me like a whore. Make me come. Make me yours!" I cried out. And he did. He went even harder, hit me harder, and I could tell he was just as close as I was.

Suddenly he bent forward and sunk his teeth into my shoulder. I tossed my head back and squeaked out. My breathing was a complete mess, and I just needed more.

"_Harder!"_

And he did. He bit down to the point where I thought he was going to break the skin. A second later, he bit down somewhere else. And somewhere else.

All the while pounding into me.

Once he unlatched his teeth from my back, he continued to spank me.

The sound of skin hitting skin permeated the salty air around us. My ass _hurt_ but the pleasure outdid the pain and everything just became intensified.

"James! James I am _not_ going to orgasm while looking at a fucking blanket!" Without waiting for him to reply, I crawled forward, collapsed once, and, with shaky legs, I turned back around, pushed him onto the blanket and straddled him.

As soon as I sat on his dick, he threw his head back. "Oh…_fuuuuuck!" _He pretty much lost it when I began grinding my hips in a circle on his dick. I was in control now.

"James, rub my clit. _Now._" I ordered. He did as I told, and, soon, I was shakily grinding against him while climbing the peak.

James could see that I was close, and, in one move, he turned me over so that we were in the familiar missionary position. And I immediately clawed at his back. Roughly.

To the point where I was sure I was breaking skin. But he didn't seem to mind; I could see his was working _hard_; he was panting, sweating, and how whole body was flushed in the most delicious way possible.

But when he pinched my clit as hard as he could, my vision seemed to cross.

I tried speaking his name, but it came out as complete jibberish. He, however, hadn't lost the ability to speak.

"Baby, Emma, Angel, come for me. Hard. You're right there baby, you can do it." His voice was in my ear, sexily encouraging me to jump off of the peak. Encouraging me to lose it.

And I didn't have to try very hard.

"H-H-Hard…er…" I whispered out.

And, somehow, he pounded into me harder. And that did it. I dug my nails into his back, wrapped my legs around his waist and came. I came so fucking hard.

"_JAMES!" _ I let out the loudest scream of the night, desperately clinging on to James. My life line.

I could briefly hear him whispering in my ear, "That's my girl. I knew you could do it," but my focus was on not going insane.

I was shaking, twitching and convulsing with the force of the orgasm. And I could feel James and his throbbing length shaking as well. I tried talking to him…but it was useless.

My nerves were exploding with euphoria. Every sense in my body was on overload as I came. And, suddenly, I felt the hard heat inside me leave. I shuddered at its loss, but I moaned out when I felt a hot spray hit my stomach.

James couldn't even speak as he shook and collapsed beside me. I simply grabbed his hand and squeezed.

After a few, silent moments passed, I wiped my lower abdomen off and then sat up beside him.

"I vote we go for a quick swim. You with me?" He smiled and helped me to my feet.

"I'm all for it. But keep the necklace here, okay?" I nodded. "I was going to."

Once I had set the necklace on the blanket, we both walked hand in hand to the ocean and waded into the cool, refreshing water.

"Well someone can't stop smiling." James laughed as he wrapped his arms around me and gently pulled me through the water. I laid my head against his chest.

"Well, after a round of sex like that, how could I not be smiling?"

I felt his soft lips gently press themselves against my cheek. "I have to be honest here. Your kink for pain surprised me."

A warm blush crept onto my face. "It…it surprised me too."

Although I was kind of paying for it with the way the salt water stung my ass.

But it was so worth it.

The moonlight illuminated the water, making it look like something out of a movie. I had the hottest guy in the world behind me, and we were both still in that post-sex high. After a few silent minutes of swimming around, he helped me back onto shore and to the now completely destroyed blanket.

"And you mocked my little basket." He said as I shivered slightly. "Here you go." I was tossed a very fluffy towel and proceeded to dry off. Once all the moisture was whisked away from my body, I handed the towel back to him and he tossed me a bundle of clothes.

My favorite pair of jeans, a comfy sweatshirt, soft, cotton underclothes, and my favorite set of moccasins.

"Oh my God thank you so much!" I got dressed and proceeded to sit beside James, who was also dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt.

"Now. Care to know what else is in this basket?"

I nodded. "Why yes, yes I would."

He pulled out a few bottles of water, some of my ultimate favorite snacks, and a cozy blanket.

"Uh…correct me if I'm wrong, but should we just be sitting here in the dark?" I asked timidly.

Suddenly he stood up. "The dark? We have candles," he gestured up, "and the moonlight!" I watched as he got something else out of the basket. "And we have this nice little fire pit."

And then a fire pit magically came to life, and soon we were both snuggled together around it. The sounds of the crackling fire warmed my soul, and the fire warmed and soothed my skin. Not to mention wearing a comfy sweatshirt and snuggling next to the love of your life also did great things to your soul.

James handed me a pack of sour snacks, my favorite, and pulled out a pack of trail mix for himself. We both talked and joked and laughed and kissed as we ate, and soon the fire started to die down.

After James told a joke that had us howling, I wiped tears of laughter from my eyes. "_Where_ on Earth did you hear that one?" James, who was doubled over in laughter, struggled to catch his breath.

"Oh God I don't even remember! Honestly I think Logan told me awhile ago." He grabbed the empty package out of my hands and walked back to the basket. A few moments later he walked back to the fire.

I sighed. "Oh God. Tonight…I don't think I can ever tell you just how incredible this night has been for me." I leaned on his shoulder.

"Baby, believe me. I know." James rubbed my side, but soon became very quiet.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

He paused a moment before answering, "Uh…I need to talk to you about something." The quietness of his voice scared me.

My stomach plummeted.

_Oh. No._

"I-Is it s-something b-b-bad?" I whispered.

His eyes widened. "No! Oh God no baby it's nothing bad!"

I sighed loudly with relief, but I was still nervous. "Then…what?"

James smiled softly to himself, and then moved in front of me. "Emma Hudson. You have completely changed my life for the better. You have shown me exactly what true love is, and just how incredible it can be. Emma, you have grown to mean the world to me. I can't imagine a single day without you by my side. Please, Emma Hudson, I know I don't deserve it, but, will you do me an unimaginable honor and become my wife?"

Before I even had the time to start my heart again, he pulled out a small jewelry box from his pocket and opened it to reveal an _incredible_, jaw dropping ring. It had a brilliant diamond in the middle and a smaller circle of diamonds surrounding it. There were a few other details and stones I couldn't make out, but it was _gorgeous_.

"I-I…" I couldn't speak. My jaw dropped and just stayed there.

…_what? James Diamond just…_

_No._

_There's no way._

He looked at me with concern. "Emma? Emma is everything okay?"

Without thinking, I burst out into tears. I was _so happy._ I smiled through my tears and nodded my head vigorously.

"Yes! Yes! Oh my God, _yes!_ Yes! I will marry you James Diamond! Yes!" His face lit up in _the_ most wonderful way and he helped me to my feet.

"You…you mean it? You will?"

"Yes! Oh James how could I not? Yes!" I nearly broke my face with how much I was smiling, but he returned it, slipped the ring on my finger, and tossed the box onto the blanket. Every single inch of my body felt electrified. A shiver rolled through me.

He cupped my face. "You, Emma Diamond, have just made me _the_ happiest and luckiest man on this Earth."

_Emma. Diamond._

_Emma Diamond._

I loved the sound of that.

I cried more tears and nodded. "Oh God James I love you so much! Thank you! Thank you so much!" I immediately jumped up, wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him in for our most passionate kiss yet.

And we smiled during every second of the kiss as I clung onto him.

_My husband._

**A/N: ...And there you have it! :D I really struggled with this chapter and I would really, really love reviews and feedback! Again, I will be posting an epilogue chapter soon! **

**I love each and every one of you for reading and staying with this! Consider this as a virtual hug from me to you for being so flipping awesome! :3**

**~Kara**


End file.
